Fear of Falling
by Montana-Rosalie
Summary: Killian is forced to give his daughter up for adoption. Emma is the one who ends up adopting her.
1. Prologue

**Hello everybody, I'm back! This story has been simmering for quite some time, so it came out really quickly, and I hope you're going to like all the daddy!Killian feels and the angst that usually comes with my fics. Enjoy, and you can expect the new chapter on Tuesday!**

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><p>Killian Jones sits in front of the judge with his wrists in handcuffs and his heart heavy, still waiting to wake up from the nightmare that's become his reality.<p>

Milah is gone. He keeps telling himself that he needs to accept it, needs to focus on the here and now and pay attention to the trial that's going to decide what the rest of his life is going to be like, but he can't get over the loss of the only woman he'd ever loved.

His thoughts stray unbidden to their baby girl, beautiful blue-eyed little sunshine that he hadn't seen since they pulled her out of the wreck of his car, blessedly without a single scratch.

Since the day her mother died and they accused her father of Vehicular Manslaughter even though he hadn't had a drop of alcohol beforehand.

Nobody believed him when he told them that Milah's ex-husband had sent people to chase them off the road, and when they showed him a blood test in which it said he was drunk when he sat behind the wheel with his girlfriend and daughter in her car seat, Killian knew he doesn't stand a chance.

Not even his lawyer, a tired, bored-looking man called Sidney Glass believed him, ignoring most everything Killian told him, telling him from the start that he's going to get a minimum of five years in jail.

Sienna would be ready to start first grade by the time he got out and it's breaking his heart to imagine his daughter growing up in an orphanage or one of the crowded group homes he'd spent his childhood in.

And yet, there's absolutely nothing he can do, and it fills him with such impotent rage he wants to jump across the desk and strangle the prosecutor who hadn't stopped twisting the truth to fit the image he's trying to paint of Killian's character.

Glass doesn't even attempt to file an objection and the trial reaches its inevitable conclusion.

Instead of five years, Killian gets seven, and the world narrows to a dark tunnel that leads straight to Hell.

"What's going to happen to my daughter?!" Killian asks, but the judge levels him with a bored stare and tells him he can take it up with his lawyer.

"You bastard! You can't do this to me!" Killian yells, pushing aside Glass in an attempt to get to the judge, but the bailiff promptly tackles him to the floor, jarring his broken ribs and keeping him there with his knee on Killian's neck until the pain is too much and he has to stop struggling against the bailiff's hold.

"This is not how you help your daughter", the bailiff tells him when he hauls Killian back to his feet; somehow, it helps him calm down, and he lets himself be lead from the courthouse to meet his lawyer in one of the visiting rooms of the county jail.

"Well then… that went as well as can be expected", Glass says, his condescending smile faltering at Killian's dark glare.

"I want to see Sienna", Killian demands, his voice breaking on his little girl's name when he realizes that he might not even recognize her by the time he's out of prison.

"That's not going to happen", Glass tells him and takes a file out of his briefcase. "You're not going to see your daughter until you serve your sentence, Mr. Jones."

"What's going to happen to her?" Killian asks, his heart squeezing painfully in his chest because he suddenly knows exactly what's Glass going to say.

"That depends on you."

"What are my choices?"

"Let her get sent to a group home, the wonders of which you've personally experienced, or give her up for adoption", the lawyer says without a trace of compassion and Killian's head drops, an impossibly heavy weight settling on his shoulders.

It's not much of a choice he's faced with because he'd rather endure any pain than let his baby girl suffer, and suffer is all that's waiting for her in a group home. The worst thing is, no matter what he chooses, he's never going to see her take her first step or hear her say her first word, and so he makes the hardest decision a father has to make; he decides to give her the best chance he can.

"Can I see her just one more time?" He asks, both his hands shaking when he signs his name on the paper that says he's waiving his father rights and putting up Sienna Jones for adoption.

A tear drips on the fresh ink and stains the page, and when Killian looks up he finds that Glass might still have some sympathy underneath his rough exterior.

"I'm sorry", the lawyer says and takes the paper from under Killian's hand, slips it into his briefcase and starts for the door.

"Please wait!" Killian chokes out and Glass pauses without turning around as Killian frantically tries to figure out a way for his daughter to someday realize that he had loved her.

He will always love her.

"There's a silver necklace in my belongings. Make sure they give it to whomever adopts my lassie", Killian says, Glass gives a noncommittal shrug, and the door closes behind him with a finality that makes Killian feel like he's drowning on dry land.

He thinks he's going to scream, but all that escapes him is a long, strangled whimper that probably makes him sound more like a wounded animal than a human being, but he's beyond caring.

Gold has taken everything, and Killian wouldn't mind it much if the bastard found a way to take his life and get away with it too.

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><p>It's been a decade since Emma Swan gave up her baby boy for adoption, since she was Emma Johnson, abandoned and chained to a hospital bed. She doesn't think she's ever going to forget a single detail of that painful evening; the memory seems fresher today when she's sitting in a bland office waiting for them to bring her the little girl she's adopting, and she can't help feeling for the father who'd given her up even though she's eternally grateful for the circumstances that made him do it.<p>

After taking endless tests, enduring rude questionings, and forcing her way through miles of red tape, after three years of fighting to prove she's doing this for the right reasons, Emma is finally going to get another chance at being a mother, of taking care of somebody's child the way some unknown parents have been taking care of hers.

Emma knows it's not going to change the past, and she knows there's always going to be a hole in her heart where her son is supposed to be, but she's going to love her new daughter more than anybody has ever loved a child before.

Another ten minutes pass and Emma starts pacing the office, her heart hammering and her palms sweating until the door opens and Mrs. Dent comes in with a beautiful dark-haired girl in her arms.

"There we are, dear. Say hi to your new mommy", Mrs. Dent coos to the baby while Emma stands frozen, taking in her daughter's features and furiously blinking to keep tears from blurring her vision. "Emma, meet Sienna."

"Hello, Sienna", Emma says softly, gently taking her baby's hand when Sienna reaches out and gives her an adorable toothless smile.

"Everybody says she's an angel", Mrs. Dent tells Emma as if to convince her not to bring Sienna back at the first sign of trouble, which apparently is a thing that happens, but Emma already knows she wouldn't let go of this little miracle for all the gold in the world. "You can take her, you know."

Emma nods shakily and wipes away a few tears that had escaped before she takes Sienna from Mrs. Dent and hugs her close; she inhales the sweet smell of her skin and tells her that everything will be okay, that she's never going to let anything bad happen to her.

"Her father insisted that the person who adopts Sienna gets this", Mrs. Dent says and holds out a silver necklace with two charms hanging from it; one's a dagger, the other a grinning skull.

"Seriously?"

"I don't get it either, but I should think it means something to him. Either that or he didn't have anything else so give", Mrs. Dent shrugs and drops the necklace into Emma's bag, urging her out of the office and waving goodbye to Sienna.

It feels surreal to Emma that she'd walked into this building childless, and now she's walking out a mother, Sienna drooling on her shoulder and tugging on her hair with her tiny fists.

It's the sweetest pain she'd ever had to endure.

"Hold on, baby girl. We'll be home in no time", Emma whispers against her ear and walks across the parking lot until she reaches her car, then carefully settles Sienna in her shiny new car seat.

The second she gets behind the wheel Sienna starts crying, and Emma smiles to herself, takes her out again and makes sure she's not either wet or hungry before she starts singing her a lullaby that puts her to sleep within minutes.

And then she drives them home and holds Sienna close as she sleeps, studying her face until she can see it even when she closes her eyes.

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><p><strong>Review?<strong>


	2. Find Her

**I can't believe how many of you have already followed this story, and I can't thank you enough for all the faith you're putting in it and me. Somebody had asked how long Emma and Killian are in it; Emma is 28 when she adops Sienna, and Killian is 30, which puts them to 31 and 33 this chapter and the rest of the fic, respectively. I hope you enjoy, and you can expect the new chapter on Thursday.  
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><p><em>Three years, four months and eleven days later…<em>

Saturday morning dawns with Sienna jumping on Emma's bed and burrowing into her side until Emma lifts the covers and hugs her close.

"Mommy, wakie wakie", Sienna chirps, poking Emma in the cheek with her chubby finger.

"Shhh, baby, mommy is still sleeping. It's the weekend, remember?" Emma tells her and buries her face in her daughter's silky locks.

"But Nenny isn't sleepy", Sienna says but Emma keeps her eyes closed because one look at her little girl's pouting face would be the end of her.

Emma thinks that Sienna probably gets that from her father, whomever he might be; it makes her smile when Sienna gets distracted with the necklace hanging around her mother's neck. Some people would think it silly, but Emma somehow felt obligated to keep it around Sienna, but since it was too big for a baby girl, she had put it on herself and hadn't taken it off since.

"Mommyyyyy", Sienna sings in her ear just when Emma starts drifting off again and no amount of shushing can convince her to go back to sleep.

"Just half an hour more, Sienna, please", Emma begs, which gets her about three and a half minutes of peace.

"Now?" Sienna asks, and Emma sighs, then opens her eyes and tickles her daughter until she's shrieking with laughter.

"Let's go make breakfast", Emma says and they crawl from under the soft covers, Sienna leading the way to the kitchen while Emma stretches and rubs her eyes, trying to wake up.

It's only after she'd had her coffee that Emma glances at the clock and realizes it's only 7 a.m., then groans inwardly and digs into her own cereal while Sienna splashes in her bowl, but thankfully doesn't make as much of a mess as she usually does.

"Are we going to the park?" Sienna asks as soon as she's done eating, looking at Emma with big hopeful eyes that make it hard to deny her anything, but considering the gathering clouds and the wind picking up speed, Emma has to tell her no.

"We can watch a cartoon, and then make cookies", Emma suggests and her idea gets hearty approval from the whirlwind that is her almost four-year-old daughter; Sienna crawls into Emma's lap and wraps her arms around her, holding on tightly as if she'd just gotten the best present a child could hope for.

"I love you, mommy", Sienna says, causing Emma's heart to flutter, and she returns the hug, kissing her baby girl's head, murmuring an "I love you, pumpkin" and rubbing her back until Sienna has had enough of cuddling and slides from her lap.

"Pick a movie while I clear the table, okay?" Emma says but Sienna is already half-way to the living room, humming happily to herself.

Her choice is, as it often is, Peter Pan, even though they both know it backwards and forwards and Emma could probably recite most of it in her sleep without even trying too hard.

The doorbell rings just as Peter Pan is having a sword fight with Captain Hook ("I don't like Peter; he's a meanie") and Emma drops a kiss to Sienna's forehead before standing up, debating whether or not to go change first since she's still wearing her pajamas, but the insistent sound of the doorbell makes her hurry up to answer.

The man standing on her porch is a complete stranger, but Emma still feels like she had met him before, and so she gives him a thorough once-over to help her figure out when and where. He's not too tall, slim but finely muscled with the perfect amount of scruff and a mop of dark hair that looks like he had just rolled out of bed, but his most memorable feature are definitely his eyes, deeply blue and rimmed with long, sooty eyelashes that any girl would envy.

It's the eyes Emma knows because she'd been seeing them every day in her daughter's face.

"Emma Swan?" The man asks and Emma shakes herself, inching back and getting ready to slam the door in his face if he so much as breathes wrong.

"Who wants to know?" She demands, only then noticing that there's no hand coming out of the left sleeve of his leather jacket, just empty space where it should be; it throws her a bit and her eyes snap back to his, her hand reaching for the charms hanging around her neck.

The question is strictly perfunctory because his name won't mean anything to her; it's his relation to the girl in Emma's living room that will undoubtedly cause her grief.

"Killian Jones", he says distractedly, staring at her hand where it's squeezing her necklace so tightly it's digging into her palm.

His necklace.

Their eyes meet and hold, seconds ticking slowly by, but as soon as he realizes that she knows who he is the spell is broken and they start speaking at the same time.

"Please hear me out-", he says in a proper British accent, but it doesn't do anything to calm her down.

"You need to leave", Emma cuts him off and starts closing the door, but he braces his hand against it and gets him military boot between it and the doorway, making her go into full panic mode. "Go away!"

"Lass, please, I know what this must look like to you, but I'm not here to cause any trouble!" He's talking and she's barely registering what he's telling her because he's Sienna's father and the only reason he's here is because he wants to take her away from Emma.

"You can't have her!" She yells and kicks his shin so hard her own teeth ring, but he doesn't falter, which makes her realize he's not even trying to come in, just keeps stopping her from closing the door and leaving him outside.

"Bloody Hell, woman! I just want to see her!"

Emma's mind is going mile a minute as she tries to make some sense of what's happening, and she's infinitely grateful that Sienna is so immersed in her cartoon that all the commotion at the door hasn't brought her to the hallway, but it's only a matter of time with all the grunting and yelling her parents are doing.

He's not supposed to be here. It's the only thing Emma can focus on because it was a closed adoption and he shouldn't even have her name, much less her address.

They assured her that he'd be in jail for a long time and that he doesn't want to have any contact with his daughter.

And yet, here he is, clenching his jaw against the pain and giving her a pleading look even as she struggles to make him step back and let go of her door.

"Please, lass, allow me to explain. I am not here to take her from you, I just-"

"You're lying!" She hisses, preparing to abuse his shin again and at the same time feeling something hold her back because she can tell when people are lying to her and he is most definitely not.

"I'm not, I swear on Sienna's life, I'm not lying", he says and a chill runs down her spine because his eyes are honest and there's a desperate urgency to his voice that makes it clear he doesn't swear on his daughter's life lightly. "I just want to get to know my daughter."

Emma hears the secret wish of her heart in his plea, recognizes a childless father driven to desperate measures because she had been a childless mother not so long ago, but it's also the reason why she can't trust him, why she can't open her door and Sienna's life.

She's too afraid of losing her little girl because she would not survive such a loss the second time around.

"Sienna is not your daughter!" Emma yells at him and kicks him in the shin again, ignoring his grunt of pain and pushing him back which makes him stumble against the porch rail, only just stopping himself from falling down the stairs. "You are a criminal who gave her up the first chance he got and you have no business being around her!"

The words that were meant to hurt him break her own heart, and she stands clutching the door for support and breathing as heavily as if she'd just run ten miles, her eyes daring him to even try to contradict her.

"You're right", he says, gingerly shifting his weight to his leg and leaning against the rail again, looking entirely defeated. "I did give her up, but there hasn't been a day I haven't thought about her, wishing I could've kept her, wishing I could've watched her learn how to run and tucked her in every night."

Emma doesn't want to listen to the lilting sound of his voice anymore, doesn't want to feel what he feels to the depths of her soul, but she still doesn't close the door, aching for him and for herself.

"What was her first word?" He asks, his eyes deep oceans of pain that pull her under and make her answer his question without meaning to.

"Mama", she tells him, remembering the joy she had felt when Sienna first spoke, grinning at her and repeating the word a few more times as Emma held her close and blinked away tears of joy.

Killian nods grimly to himself and still Emma stands frozen, waiting for something she can't even explain, watching Sienna's father and counting all the way her daughter looks like him; it's not just the forget-me-not blue of his eyes or the darkness of his hair, but also something in his thoughtful expression resembling Sienna so uncannily that Emma still ignores the insistent voice that's willing her to close the door.

They might have remained standing like that for the rest of the morning if there wasn't for the whisper of tiny feet in the hallway behind Emma and a hesitant voice that makes them both start.

"Mommy?" Sienna asks, creeping closer still on her tiptoes, and Emma turns toward her with a reassuring smile, reluctant to close the door because she's got the feeling Killian would attempt to break it down because what he'd been dreaming about is finally within reach. "Are you angry?"

"No, baby, I'm not angry", Emma says, somehow keeping her voice level and shooting Killian a warning look over her shoulder. Something passes between them in the moment their eyes meet, and when he limps closer she opens the door a little wider, but stays firmly between him and Sienna.

"You were yelling", Sienna says, not one to be easily fooled despite her young years.

Emma looks at Killian and his lop-sided, dimpled smile takes her breath away, but she's not sure he's even aware of her presence because he only has eyes for his daughter.

"We were having a discussion", Emma tells Sienna and kneels in front of her, taking her by the shoulders to make her look away from Killian, feeling an astounding amount of fear that she'll somehow figure out who the man standing on their porch is. "I need you to go back to the living room and I'll be right there, okay?"

"Who is he?" Sienna whispers, peeking around Emma's head and giving Killian a bashful smile before shifting an expectant gaze back on her mother.

"Just an old friend", Emma tells her, almost wanting to laugh at the fact that she had thought of him as such when she thought she would never meet him.

Sienna peeks at Killian again and Emma feels her heart squeeze painfully when her daughter's chin trembles and her eyes fill with tears.

"He was hurt, mommy", Sienna sniffles against Emma's ear and Emma hugs her close, caressing her hair in confusion; at first she thinks that Sienna had witnessed her kicks, but when she hazards a look over her shoulder she finds Killian attempting to hide his left arm behind his back, trying to spare his daughter the sight of his missing hand.

She should've known that a child who likes Captain Hook more than Peter Pan would feel for a disabled man even if Emma was too busy trying to get him to leave to ever regard him as such.

"He's okay now, darling. Aren't you, Killian?" Emma says, willing him to find something comforting to say, willing him not to make a scene, but most of all praying that he doesn't tell Sienna that he's her father.

"Right as rain, little love", he murmurs soothingly and gives Sienna a reassuring smile. "Don't you worry about me."

"See? He's alright", Emma says and stands up with Sienna in her arms, gently wiping her wet cheeks and nudging their noses together until her daughter gives her a feeble smile.

"Do you promise?" Sienna asks Killian, and Emma wishes she had closed the door when she had the chance because the amount of love shining in Killian's eyes tells her what she never wanted to know.

It tells her that giving away his daughter was the only thing Killian could do to make sure she would be okay, just like Emma had done with her own son.

"I promise", he says solemnly and because she's watching him so closely, she notices the way his hand rises just a little bit from his side, as if wanting to reach for his daughter's silky curls, but he reigns it in and doesn't complete the motion.

"Can you come back after lunch?" Emma asks him, ignoring his hopeful smile and speaking quickly to clarify her invitation. "I'll give you a chance to explain but I'm not promising anything."

"I will come", he says and gives her a curt nod before he smiles at Sienna once more. "Good day to you, ladies."

"My name is Nenny", Sienna tells him seriously, her brow scrunched up in an adorable frown.

"Good day, Nenny", he says, his smile faltering even as he turns around and walks down the porch stairs, trying to hide the limp Emma can't help feel horribly guilty about.

"Bye bye", Sienna calls after him but he doesn't look back, and Emma closes the door, leaning against it heavily and holding her daughter close until Sienna starts wiggling and demands to be put down.

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><p><strong>Review?<strong>


	3. Explanations

**Thank you for all your words of encouragement and I hope you keep reading this story; there's a lot more daddy!Killian feels coming. To those wondering if Henry will make an appearance, don't worry, and to those wanting to know how Killian lost his hand, you'll learn that if you keep reading. Enjoy, and come back for the new chapter on Saturday.**

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><p>After lunch, Emma puts Sienna down for her nap and sits on her bed until the doorbell rings timidly at exactly 2 p.m. She'd be impressed at Killian's punctuality if she wasn't so apprehensive, wondering if she should find a way to postpone his visit, stall for time until she figures out what to do.<p>

She could call the police, but they aren't going to hold him for more than a day even if she claims he had tried to enter her house, which he never actually did; he had only tried to stop her from closing the door, and judging by the way he limps in and follows her to the kitchen, he had paid dearly for it.

But she's not going to apologize for kicking him because she was only trying to protect herself and Sienna from her criminal father.

"Did you escape from prison?" She asks, her heartbeat speeding up because it only now occurred to her that he's here because he ran, and not because his sentence was miraculously commuted.

Killian arches his eyebrow as she slides along the counter toward the knife rack, then shakes his head and wincing when he sits down at the table.

"There was new evidence that came up in my case, and they had to let me out", he tells her and shrugs out of his jacket, resting his forearm on the table and tucking his stump in the crook of his right elbow; Emma's eyes are irrevocably drawn not to the ugly scar he doesn't mind so boldly displaying, but to the tattoo on his right wrist that spells a woman's name inside a heart.

Milah.

When she looks up Killian meets her gaze steadily, and for some unfathomable reason it makes her relax, makes her expel the breath she'd been holding and let herself believe that he's not there to harm her or take away her daughter.

There's a persistent voice in the back of her mind telling her that she never should've let him in, but she decides to ignore it.

"Do you want some coffee?" Emma asks, already moving for the cupboard and taking out two mugs.

"I prefer tea, but I don't want to bother you", he says and she shoots him a surprised look to which he just lifts an eloquent eyebrow as if she might've guessed his favorite from the British accent.

"It's no bother", she says curtly and busies herself with preparing their drinks in an attempt to calm her frayed nerves. "I only have fruity tea."

"It's fine", he says with an easy smile and she feels a bit guilty about his leg, but still not guilty enough to apologize when he's the one intruding where he's not even supposed to be.

It takes some effort, but she manages to set the tea in front of Killian without spilling anything, and she feels incredibly self-conscious as she sits across from him and wraps her hands around her coffee.

There's something in the way his blue eyes study her, as if where everybody else sees a bright, happy single mom and high school counselor, he sees right through all her masks to the lost little girl who had to fight tooth and nail to get where she is, and who never quite left the darkness behind.

"Plead your case", Emma tells him, ignoring her coffee and leaning back in her chair, her arms crossing in front of her chest because she feels vulnerable with him and she doesn't like it.

She tells herself she can probably take him, what with one missing hand and one leg he can't properly stand on.

"I'm not a criminal", he says, and her eyebrows go up, but she lets him continue. "Yes they threw me in jail, but I did nothing to warrant such a sentence."

"Really?"

"Sienna's mother had a husband before she met me. They divorced and we moved across the pond to have a fresh start, but Mr. Gold could not accept it", Killian says and Emma feels a chill of foreboding creep down her spine; she's watching him stare at his tea and she knows he's seeing the past and everything he had lost. "For a while, life was perfect; we had Sienna and I found work as a fisherman… we were so happy we never spared Gold a thought."

Emma takes a sip of her coffee and waits patiently while he gathers the painful thread of his story, telling herself over and over again that she will not be moved by it.

She already is.

"The night of the accident is still a blur, but I know two things for certain: I hadn't had anything to drink, and there was another car on the road that forced me off it", he says and Emma does her best to ignore the tremor in his voice and think only of her daughter's wellbeing.

"But the police thought otherwise?" She prompts him and listens carefully for a hollow ring of a lie in his answer.

"Gold wasn't satisfied with Milah's death; he had to take everything I had left from me too, and he obviously had connections strong enough to do it. He's a prosecutor in England, and although I can't prove anything, I know he made sure I went to jail, which forced my hand because I couldn't let my little lass end up in a group home."

For a while, the room is completely silent, Emma trying to digest what she'd been told and Killian staring unblinkingly at the table top, his ringed fingers wrapped around his cup as if he has every intention of lifting it to his mouth, but he can't find the strength to do so.

"Would you do the same if you'd have known you'd get released before your sentence was really up?" Emma finally musters up the courage to ask, fully aware that a lot depends on his answer, and yet stubbornly telling herself that nothing he says today could convince her to let him into Sienna's life.

"I would."

"Why?"

"Because I grew up in a group home, and if I'm not mistaken, it's something you've had close experience with too, Swan", he says and she feels like somebody had thrown a bucket of icy water in her face.

"Who told you that? The same person who helped you find me even though you weren't supposed to?" She asks sharply, but he just shakes his head and levels her with a steady stare.

"Nobody had to tell me, lass. Orphans share the same look in their eyes… the look you get when you've been left alone", he says in a voice so soft it feels like a caress, inviting her to trust him and stop fighting him, but Emma had been fooled before and she had promised herself she's never going to get into a situation that would lead to her getting fooled again.

"Did you lose your hand in the car accident?" She asks just to distract him from the subject of her past and their common orphan roots, but his eyes tell her that he knows exactly what she's doing.

Still, he doesn't even attempt dodging her question.

"No, I didn't. It happened once I got sentenced."

"Gold again?" She asks just to make sure even though she had already guessed so.

"Who else?" He says darkly and they both glance at his stump; she wonders why he doesn't have a prosthetic hand, but decides not to ask because she doesn't want to feel for him more than she already does.

She'd been raising walls and keeping people away for so long that she's a little dazed at how easy he'd managed to sneak close to her and made it so hard to stay detached, but then again, he is her, or would be her if she was ever brave enough or selfish enough to barge into her son's life and demand to be acknowledged.

"I'm sorry about your hand and Sienna's… about Milah, but you don't have any rights to her anymore", Emma tells him, keeping her chin up and her heart cold because she can tell he'd be trouble; somehow, inexplicably, she trusts him with Sienna's safety, but she doesn't trust herself around him, and that means he needs to stay away.

"I'm not asking for anything except for you to let me spend some time with my daughter", he says so softly she can barely hear him, and the part of her that keeps insisting that she should let him have that grows louder and louder. "You can stick to the story of old friends if you want, but please, Swan, don't keep my lassie away from me."

Emma stands up abruptly and carries her mug to the sink, pouring out the lukewarm coffee that she can't remember even tasting.

"I'm sorry, but I can't do this. I can't trust you and that means I can't let you be around my daughter", she says and leans against the counter, pointedly tipping her head toward the front door. "I think you should go now."

"Tell me one thing first. Why are you wearing my necklace?" He asks, and Emma's hand flies to the charms resting against her chest, her fingers squeezing them in search of comfort the way they've been doing every time she had felt anxious since she became Sienna's mother.

"I… I'm keeping it for Sienna. It's still too big for her", she stammers, wishing he wouldn't look at her the way he keeps doing.

"Keep telling yourself that, darling", he says and stands up, his hand bracing against the back of the closest chair because his leg almost gives out on him.

She definitely feels guilty over that.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She snaps and he shifts his weight to his good leg while he puts on his jacket.

"You've been alone all your life and you cling to things, keeping people at arm's length. You're afraid to trust, to reveal yourself, but until you do, until you risk something, you're never going to be happy."

"And you're the person I should trust? A one-handed ex-convict who might take my daughter and run at the first available opportunity?" Emma asks acidly, angry at him for reading her so well and angry at herself because every word he had said found its mark.

She wants him to go and she's willing to hurt him as much as needed to achieve it.

"You can trust me, Swan. Whether you chose to or not is up to you", he says and slips a calling card from his back pocket, leaving it face down on the counter beside her. "I've been through Hell already, so anything you say and do to try and make me give up on my daughter won't have the desired effect."

"I'm not going to change my mind", Emma says firmly as she follows him out of the kitchen and toward the front door. "She's my daughter."

"Did I ever say she was not?" He whirls around and suddenly he's too close, and it seems like all the air had escaped her lungs and she can't remember how to breathe again. "It kills me to hear my daughter call somebody other than Milah "mommy" but I do not deny the fact that you are her mother now, so you should extend me the same courtesy. Sienna seems perfectly happy with you, but you can't deny that she would be even happier if she had a father too."

"Sienna is perfectly happy, and she doesn't need you. We don't need anybody."

"You can never have too many people who love you, Swan", Killian tells her, turns the knob and steps out without a goodbye, and Emma kicks the door closed, cursing him under her breath and trying to tell herself that her cheeks aren't burning because it affect her when he calls her Swan.

He doesn't affect her, period, and she's not going to let herself feel sorry for all he's been through because nobody had ever felt sorry for her.

Besides, she had meant what she had told him; Sienna doesn't need him, and Emma needs him even less.

And yet, she can't help turning everything he'd told her today over and over in her mind, looking for hidden agendas and second-guessing her own judgment even though she had sworn she wouldn't do that.

Emma paces the kitchen biting her lip and shooting glares at his calling card that's still sitting on the counter, refusing to turn it over and look at it, but at the same time unable to take it and throw it in the trash.

In the end, she slips it into the all-purpose drawer and goes to check on her daughter.

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><p><strong>Review<strong>


	4. Desperate Measures

**Thank you for all the reviews and enthusiasm over this fic, and I hope it doesn't disappoint. Emma is going to be stubborn for a little while longer, but don't worry, she'll open her home and heart to Killian before long. Enjoy, and see you back for new chapter of Monday.**

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><p>It's been three days and Killian hasn't shown his face around the house since the afternoon they've had the talk, but Emma still can't relax. Currently she's darting around the living room in search of Sienna's stuffed bunny, painfully aware of the fact that she's going to be late to work because she still has to drop her sleepy daughter off in the kindergarten.<p>

"Sienna! Did you find him?" Emma yells down the hallway and runs her hands through her hair in exasperation, disturbing the locks she had wasted too much time on this morning. "Nevermind, I found him!"

Emma kneels next to the couch and pulls Miss Panda the bunny from under the coffee table, shaking her finger at his cheerful smile.

"Why do you always have to hide?" She asks him and smiles at her own silliness, imagining what the surly teenagers she works with every day would think if they knew she's prone to talking to her daughter's favorite toy.

"Mommy, where is he?!" Sienna sings as she rushes into the living room and Emma holds out the bunny, smiling as she watches Sienna hug him to her chest and kiss his head.

"You should be more mindful of where you leave him", Emma tells her and ushers her toward the front door.

"He ran away", Sienna says and jumps down one step at a time while Emma locks the house and rattles the knob to check it's firmly closed.

Emma manages to get Sienna to the kindergarten and herself to school on time, sliding into her chair at 8 a.m. on the dot and pushing her hair out of her face with a relieved sigh.

"Had a late start?" Ruby asks and sets a cup of coffee on Emma's table before dropping down in a chair across from her.

"A bunny crisis", Emma answers and blows at her coffee, hoping Ruby won't ask about Killian and wishing she hadn't spilled the beans yesterday even though at the time she just couldn't keep it to herself.

"I thought maybe Killian showed up again. I was about ready to go check", Ruby says, and Emma rolls her eyes, but secretly she feels warm and fuzzy because no matter what Killian says, she's got somebody who loves her and who will always be there for her; her best friend.

"Maybe he gave up", Emma muses and Ruby just gives her a pointed look. "It could happen."

"You're not listed anywhere, and even if you were, he shouldn't even know you're the one who adopted Sienna. Face it, Emma. He would go to the end of the Earth for that girl", Ruby says softly, which earns her a glare from Emma.

"Whose side are you on anyway?"

"Your side", Ruby tells her calmly and rests her elbows on the table, leaning forward before she continues. "But you might as well face the fact that this won't go away if you wish it so."

"If he shows up again I'll just call the cops", Emma says, knowing full well that she's not going to do any such thing because it's too easy to put herself in Killian's shoes.

Emma sips her coffee and Ruby just stares at her for a while, looking like she's picking her next words carefully.

"I think you should give him a chance", she finally says and Emma feels a nasty stab of betrayal.

"I thought you said you were on my side."

"What can it hurt?"

"I can't believe you", Emma says and starts shuffling papers around her desk.

"From what you've told me, he just wants to spend some time with Sienna."

"That's how it starts!" Emma exclaims, her heart rate picking up speed and her breathing becoming labored because she'd heard enough horror stories about parents coming out of the woodwork to claim their kids to last her a lifetime. "If I let him into her life soon he's going to try to take my daughter away from me."

"Okay, okay, calm down!" Ruby says quickly and grabs hold of Emma's hand, squeezing gently in reassurance. "Nobody's going to take Sienna for you, and if anybody tries, I'm going to be there to hit them upside the head with something heavy."

Emma manages a smile and assures Ruby she's fine, but her friend sticks around until the first student shows up, uncertainly hovering in the doorway.

"We'll talk more later", Ruby says and walks out, flustering the student with a beaming smile that makes him trip over his own feet on the way to Emma's desk.

"What did you do this time, Brian?"

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><p>Emma is a tiny bit later than usual when she goes to pick up Sienna from the kindergarten, but she's so preoccupied with trying to remember everything she needs to get in the store on the way home that she doesn't even entertain the possibility that Killian might show up anywhere other than her house.<p>

She walks through the playground outside the kindergarten and stops dead in her tracks when she realizes that Sienna is outside, contentedly sitting on Killian's knee and showing him her bunny, talking in a ringing, excited voice.

The blood in Emma's veins turns to ice and she shakes herself out of her stupor quickly, stalking across the yard and debating whether she should kick him in the shin or not, opting for a less violent approach only for the sake of her daughter.

"What are you doing here?" She yells, startling both Killian and Sienna, her heart squeezing in her chest because her daughter seems to withdraw deeper into her father's arms.

"Good day to you too, Swan", he says curtly and stands up, surrendering Sienna as soon as Emma holds out her arms for her.

"Mommy you're squeezing too tight!" Sienna exclaims when Emma hugs her to her chest, trying to get over the horror of what could've happened.

Killian could've taken her daughter and disappeared.

Emma could've lost her baby girl to never see her again.

"Lass, she's okay. Gods, you're shaking", Killian says, his voice coming from a great distance as he wraps an arm around her shoulders and guides her to sit down on the bench he'd been occupying when she found them.

"Don't cry, mommy! Killy took care of me until you came!" Sienna tells her and caresses her cheek with her little hand, pressing the bunny against Emma's neck and making kissing noises.

Emma just holds her little girl, acutely aware of Killian sitting on the other end of the bench, silently watching them.

"I didn't mean to upset you, Swan, I just…", he trails off at her death glare and gives Sienna a gentle smile. "I should go, little love. Take good care of your bunny, so he doesn't run away again."

Emma is completely speechless, spellbound by the soft lilt of his voice and the way he talks to Sienna as if he'd been doing it for years; he's the first man who had known just what to say to her daughter, and she acknowledges bitterly that it shouldn't surprise her so much.

After all, he is Sienna's father.

"Nooo, don't go, Killyyyyyyyy", Sienna whines and wiggles until Emma is forced to let her down from her lap, feeling betrayed and at a loss as to what to do.

Killian throws a surprised look at Emma as Sienna leans against his leg and offers him her bunny.

"Can you look after him? Maybe he won't run away from you", she says with a hopeful smile and Emma curses herself because she'd completely lost control over the situation.

She should've taken Sienna and ran off as soon as she found them sitting there thick as thieves.

"Won't you be sad if you give him to me?" Killian asks her gently, shifting the bunny into the crook of his left arm and lifting Sienna on his lap a little clumsily but not the least bit uncertainly.

Emma is sitting next to them with her hands rolled into fists, angry but unable to bring herself to cut their meeting short because she doesn't want to upset Sienna.

She glares at Killian over her daughter's shoulder and silently wills him not to accept the bunny because there's no doubt in her mind that Sienna is going to be asking for it in a few hours and she's going to be inconsolable until Emma gets a hold of him again.

"You'll take care of him", Sienna answers Killian's question and smiles, her chubby fingers poking at Killian's stump almost absentmindedly; she appears to be over the initial sadness for the loss of his hand and her movements draw Emma's attention to a tattoo in the shape of a hook that stands out next to the neat but brutal scar which marks the abrupt end of his forearm.

Killian tries to appear unaffected, but she realizes she can read him as well as he can read her, and Sienna's gentle touch means more to him than he's comfortable showing.

"You might not miss him, little love, but he's going to miss you", he says after a minute of silence he spends just looking at his daughter as if she's the brightest star in his sky, and Emma feels her reluctance slipping away like sand through her fingers, which finally prompts her into motion.

"Take the bunny, Sienna. We've got a lot of shopping to do", Emma says in a voice that brooks no argument and stands up, holding out her hand for Sienna to take.

"Can't Killy come with us?" Sienna mumbles but obediently takes the bunny and slips from Killian's lap.

"Sorry, sunshine. I think it's best if we parted ways for now", he tells her, gently nudging her toward Emma.

"I'd appreciate it if you refrained from showing up like this again", Emma hisses at Killian, her lips pressing into a thin line at the stubborn look on his face.

"You were late, Swan. If you truly had Sienna's best interest in mind, you'd be glad I showed up", he tells her sardonically and gives her a challenging look that makes her blood boil. "I missed over three years of her life and I can't bear to miss another day."

"Stay away from her", Emma says under her breath, making sure he can see the threat in her eyes before she starts pulling Sienna away.

"Bye, Killy", Sienna calls over her shoulder, waving at Killian and looking like she's about ready to cry.

"Bye, Nenny", Killian returns the greeting and winks, ignoring Emma completely and giving his daughter a bright smile, a picture of relaxed nonchalance as he sits on the bench and watches them walk away.

He might be fooling Sienna, but Emma can see through his calm façade; she's more than aware of the depth of his pain, but she still marches off, telling herself that Killian had already gotten more time with his daughter than he should have.

And yet, she can't stop feeling guilty, she can't help feeling the stab at her heart as she straps Sienna into her car seat and glances over her shoulder to see Killian remaining where he was, his elbows on his knees as he watches her get into the car and drive away.

She imagines it feels like she's driving away with half of his heart, the other half held securely in Sienna's hands.

"What did I tell you about talking to strangers?" Emma asks her daughter in a voice that's just a little bit too high.

"Killy isn't a stranger, mommy. He's your friend", Sienna tells her with a smile that unnervingly resembles Killian's, her legs dancing in the air, and it's only then that Emma realizes her daughter had not only sat on somebody's lap for more than a minute today, but also gladly returned to it.

Killian is the first person who had managed to keep Sienna from displaying her quicksilver ways in all their glory, and for the first time since she had met him Emma wonders if maybe she should give him a chance.

"If he comes to get you again, stay with your teacher and wait for me to come", Emma says, adamantly refusing to even try to trust him.

It would be too dangerous when so much is at stake, and she ought to give Sienna's teacher a piece of her mind for letting her daughter stay with a man she'd never seen with her before, even if Sienna had told her that he was Emma's friend; somehow she thinks that Miss Blake had given in more due to Killian's charm than what Sienna had to say about his supposed friendship with her mother.

"But-"

"Promise me, Sienna", Emma tells her sharply but Sienna shakes her head, her curls flying around as she stubbornly keeps her mouth closed. "I haven't seen him in a long time, baby. He'd been through a lot and I need to make sure he's okay before I can leave you two alone."

There's no chance in Hell she'll ever willingly leave Sienna alone with Killian.

"His scar isn't ouchy anymore, mommy. He told me", Sienna says and Emma glues her eyes on the road, racking her brain for some way to outthink her daughter, but aside from telling her some made-up cautionary tale that will frighten her, she comes up empty.

Sometimes it's really hard being the parent of a clever child.

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><p><strong>Review?<strong>


	5. A Change of Heart

**Thank you everybody** **for reading, and special thanks to those of you who took the time to review; I really like hearing what you think and what gives you most feels. Enjoy, and new chapter is coming on Wednesday.**

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><p>Ruby waltzes into Emma's office and drops into her favorite chair, saying nothing and watching Emma expectantly with her big brown eyes.<p>

"What?"

"You're still being stubborn, then", Ruby groans and rolls her eyes at Emma's wounded look. "You should give him a chance."

"Why are you being his advocate?"

"Ever since he showed up you haven't had a decent night's sleep. You worry too much and as far as I can tell there's no reason for that."

"No reason? The father of my daughter came back and I might lose her any day now, and you think I shouldn't worry?!" Emma exclaims, completely done with her friend.

"He was with Sienna for half an hour last week before you came to get her; if he had meant to take her from you, he could've done so then", Ruby says rationally and Emma huffs in annoyance.

"Maybe he doesn't want to run away with her, but that doesn't mean he's not plotting to take her from me", she says and turns to her computer, willing Ruby to go away.

"I think you're just scared of letting him into your life. Your life, Emma, not Sienna's", Ruby says, walking around the desk and sitting on the edge of it to block Emma's view of the screen. "You're been alone since I've met you. It's been over a year since you even went out on a date. You can't live like that."

"I'm thinking about Sienna's best interests, and they don't involve letting her get attached to a drifter who is only going to break her heart."

"First he's going to take her away and now he's going to spend some time with her and then disappear without a trace? Get your excuses straight", Ruby says gently and goes back to work before Emma can come up with something smart to say.

She knows that Ruby is right, but she stubbornly continues to refuse even thinking about letting Killian into Sienna's life.

Or her own.

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><p>A week passes and Killian doesn't come around, and Emma would be relieved if it wasn't for Sienna's constant questions and melancholy mood.<p>

"But he promised I'll see him again", Sienna whines as she lies curled in a ball on the couch, hugging the bunny to her chest.

"He's a busy man, baby", Emma lies, wondering if Killian even has a job.

"Maybe he got hurt again", Sienna says, sitting up and looking at Emma with tearful eyes. "Can't you call him, mommy?"

"I don't have his telephone number", Emma lies again, thinking about Killian's calling card sitting in her kitchen drawer.

Sienna starts crying, her sobs getting louder and tearing at Emma's heart as she gathers her daughter in her arms and rocks her gently, but no matter what she says, Sienna is inconsolable.

Emma curses Killian in her head and marvels at the way he had managed to warm his way into Sienna's heart after barely thirty minutes they've spent together.

"Would you like us to go to Neverland, honey?"

Reverting to bribe is always her last resort and she uses it sparingly, but Emma thinks that in this instance, taking Sienna to her favorite pastry shop is entirely justified.

"Can I have cheesecake and mousse?" Sienna asks even though tears are still running down her cheeks and Emma smiles, planting a big kiss to her daughter's chubby cheek before she tells her that she can pick one or the other. "Can I wear my yellow dress?"

"Sure", Emma says and follows Sienna to her room to help her dress, then calls Ruby and asks her if she wants to join them.

"I'll meet you there", Ruby says and Emma buttons the satin buttons, happy that Sienna's tears had dried and telling herself that it won't be long before Sienna forgets Killian altogether.

And yet, she still feels oddly disappointed in Killian for giving up so easily although she can't tell she's surprised.

People always end up leaving her.

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><p>Sienna races into Neverland as soon as Emma opens the door and zeroes in on Ruby, who's already taken a table by the window, her smile bright when she leans down to hug Sienna and help her up on a chair.<p>

Ruby orders a tiny cupcake, Sienna picks the cheesecake while Emma goes for the apple pie, and they sit sipping their drinks and talking to Sienna until the pastries arrive.

And the one who brings them to their table is Killian.

"Changed your mind then, Swan?" He says and Emma jumps a foot, looking at him in confusion as he sets the plate with the cheesecake in front of Sienna while a waitress brings the ones for Emma and Ruby.

Sienna shrieks in delight and throws herself around Killian's neck when he kneels next to her chair, his arms going around her, and Emma can't find her voice because the look on his face is part incredible joy part aching sadness, his long eyelashes grazing his high cheekbones as he holds his daughter close.

"What are you doing here?" Emma finally snaps although it's clear from the apron and the t-shirt with Neverland insignia Killian is wearing that he's the shop's pastry chef; Sienna only has eyes for her father and jumps off her chair to turn in a circle and show off her dress.

This has to be some kind of a bizarre dream.

"Excuse me?"

"Did you have me followed?" Emma exclaims, her voice rising with panic because there's no other explanation for him to suddenly be working in the only pastry shop she and Sienna frequent.

"You had her followed?!" Ruby asks and picks up Sienna as if to shield her from him while both Sienna and Killian look at them as if they'd gone insane.

"You knew I was working here! Did you come here just to cause a scene?" Killian shoots back, slowly standing up, his blue eyes turning darker, and Emma finally becomes aware of the curious looks from the other patrons.

"How the Hell would I know you work here?"

"I gave you my calling card!" Killian tells her, lowering his voice and sliding in a chair next to her with a wince.

"Mommy didn't know where you were. She said you were busy", Sienna supplies and Emma bites her lip, looking at Ruby for help.

"Seems like it was all a coincidence", Ruby says and extends her hand toward Killian. "Ruby Lucas."

"Killian Jones", he says and Ruby lets go of Sienna so she can shake hands with Killian, which allows her to slide from her chair again and scramble on Killian's lap.

"You're telling me that you took a job here of all places? How did you even convince them to take you?" Emma demands while Killian pulls Sienna's plate to his side of the table and hands her the fork.

"The owner of the Neverland chain holds baking classes in various prisons and hires those inmates who show the inclination to leave the life of crime behind."

"Why on Earth would he do that?"

"Because he had spent some time in jail in his youth and he knows the troubles of trying to reintegrate yourself back into the society", Killian says and Emma thinks that this definitely has to be a dream.

"How can you bake with just one hand?" Ruby asks him bluntly, and knowing her, she's genuinely interested in the mechanics of it.

Emma just wants to wake up.

"You can do anything if you're not afraid to make a fool of yourself once in a while", Killian tells her and winks cheekily, then tilts his head and asks Sienna if she likes her cheesecake.

"It's yummy!" Sienna says and keeps munching as Killian shifts his gaze on Emma.

"I thought you'd given up on seeing her."

"Whatever gave you that idea?" He asks with mock surprise and Emma has to admit that his charm is getting to her.

"You haven't showed up since Thursday."

"You looked about ready to call the cops so I decided to give you a little time to get used to the idea of me being around", Killian tells her nonchalantly and shifts Sienna in his arms when she burrows deeper into his embrace after having finished her cake.

"Eat eat, mommy. It's really good", Sienna says and Killian lifts his eyebrow, as if challenging Emma not to like his baking.

Ruby is already half-way done with her cupcake, so Emma doesn't have a choice but to dig in.

It's not an exaggeration to say that this apple pie is probably the best she'd ever tasted, but she's too proud to tell Killian so.

"Not bad", she mutters and ignores his all-knowing smirk.

"Thank you", he tells her and stands up, attentively pulling down the hem of Sienna's dress where it had ridden up. "I have to go back to work, little love."

"Noooo, not yet", Sienna pouts and wraps her arms around his neck, dramatically resting her head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, sunshine. I have to go if I want to keep my job", he says against her ear and presses a kiss to the top of her head, and when Emma looks at Ruby she sees her practically devouring Killian with her eyes.

"Come on, baby, let Killian go", Emma stands up and takes Sienna from him, pretending that she didn't see the flash of pain in his eyes and ignoring the rush of his skin against hers when he lets go of his daughter and surrenders her to Emma's arms.

"I'll wait for you to call", Killian says curtly and stalks toward the kitchen in the back of the shop before Emma can tell him that she's most definitely not going to call.

"If you don't call him, I will", Ruby says and spends the rest of the afternoon doing her best to convince Emma to give Killian a chance.

"You've spent exactly ten minutes in his company, Ruby", Emma tells her as they walk back to their cars loaded with shopping bags, Sienna walking drowsily next to them because Emma can't carry her too.

"The guy can bake! How can you doubt the intentions of a guy who can bake, not the mention the way he is with Sienna. You've seen as many fathers as I did and you know that the ones like Killian are rare", Ruby keeps harping on while Sienna looks between them in confusion. "It doesn't hurt that he's hotter than the sun either."

"Seriously, Ruby, if you like him so much, you can take him", Emma snaps and throws the shopping bags on the passenger seat before she straps Sienna in her seat.

"Wow. You really hadn't noticed, did you?"

"Notice what?"

"That he only has eyes for you and Sienna", Ruby says and kisses Emma's cheek, waving at Sienna before she walks to her own car. "Think about it!"

"There's nothing to think about", Emma mutters under her breath, ignoring the memory of touching Killian's finely-muscled forearm and the accompanying chill racing down her spine.

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><p>Emma studiously avoids the drawer with Killian's number for a few more days but Sienna can't shut up about him so she finally gives in and takes out his calling card. On the front side is the Neverland's insignia and phone numbers, and on the back, in a neat, elegant handwriting is a cell phone number that has the power to change the course of both hers and Sienna's life.<p>

It's been years and years since Emma took a leap of faith, and she's so afraid that her hand shakes, but after three tries she manages to punch in Killian's number into her phone, her stomach muscles coiled as she waits for him to pick up.

"Swan?" Killian answers quickly, sounding a little winded, and Emma blushes to the roots of her hair as she stammers a hello.

"How did you know it was me?"

"A hunch, I guess", he says, but she'd bet it was more than that; if she were in his shoes, she'd be jumping every time her phone rang.

"You can come spend some time with Sienna this weekend if you promise me you won't leave and break her heart", Emma says without preamble, gripping the edge of the counter and listening closely to the quality of his voice when he speaks.

"I am not going anywhere, and I'll do everything to protect her from heartbreak", he says, and Emma is out of excuses.

"See you on Saturday afternoon, then? Around 4 p.m.?"

"I'll be there", he says, and his pure, undulated joy that's obvious even over the phone makes her smile despite herself.

"I'm not gonna take my eyes off you for a second", she tells him, trying to sound stern, but she doubts she's fooling him at all.

"I would despair if you did", he says and she's still reluctant to hang up. "Thank you, Swan. I won't let either of you down."

It's a promise Emma sincerely hopes he will keep.

"You're welcome."

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><p><strong>Review?<strong>


	6. Playdate

**Thank you going on this AU journey with me, and special thanks to all of you who left reviews; I love reading them and hearing what made you squee or have feels. Here's the new chapter, and next one will be up on Friday. P.S. Killian's POV is coming in a few chapters!  
><strong>

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><p>Emma doesn't tell Sienna that Killian is coming over because she knows her daughter would get over-excited and there would be no getting her down for her afternoon nap; even as it is, it's a whole ordeal that involves two stories and a lullaby before her little dark-haired angel finally goes to sleep.<p>

The living room is a mess of toys and the kitchen isn't much better, so Emma cleans up as best as she can, muttering under her breath because she had vowed not to let Killian disrupt their lives and here she is already, playing the role of an anxious housewife with important guests coming over.

By the time she's done it's only 3:30 p.m., Sienna is still sleeping and Emma doesn't know what to do with herself, so she goes to take a shower and puts on clean jeans and a stretched green shirt, hoping she looks neat but casual.

It's not a date and she needs to stop acting like it is one, but her nerves are frayed for more reasons than one and she balls her hands into fists to stop them from shaking when the doorbell rings, her stomach tight with apprehension.

This was such a bad idea, but it's too late to turn back now.

Emma swings the door open and finds Killian standing on the porch with a wrapped box under his arm and a bright smile stretching his lips.

He's wearing jeans and a black t-shirt that's just tight enough to hint at some incredible muscles underneath the soft cotton and the only way for Emma not to be affected is to focus on something else altogether.

"What's in the box?" She asks sharply and Killian's smile fades a little as he glances at the package under his arm.

"Hello, Swan, it's nice to see you again", he says and looks at her from under his eyelashes, turning the charm on and tipping his head to the side. "Can I at least come in before we start playing twenty questions?"

"Listen, buddy. It's just my good will that I'm letting you spend time with Sienna, so better tone it down before I decide to change my mind", Emma says and his face darkens, his jaw clenching as he nods tightly and follows her to the living room.

"Where's my lassie?" He asks softly, looking around as if Sienna might be hiding, ready to jump at him from behind the overstuffed armchair in the corner.

"She's still napping. I didn't think you'd want me to wake her", Emma says and watches him sit down on the couch and carefully place the box on the coffee table. "What did you bring her?"

"It's a surprise", Killian answers curtly and taps his fingers on the bright wrapping paper as if daring her to open it herself.

"It might be a surprise for her, but I need to know if it's appropriate before she opens it."

"Where's your sense of adventure, Swan?" He asks her, his long ringed fingers making it difficult for her to concentrate on coming up with a cutting remark.

She doesn't want to be affected and she doesn't want him to shake her cool, but there's something about him that she just can't resist.

"I'm a mother. I can't afford to be adventurous", she says and he just levels those ocean eyes on her and shakes his head, making her squirm under his penetrating gaze.

"You should be adventurous because you're a mother. How is Sienna ever going to fly if you don't?"

Emma opens her mouth to answer him, to tell him that she's happy right here on solid ground but her daughter interrupts her train of thought, running into the living room like a mini-tornado and throwing herself at Killian.

"You're back!" She exclaims happily as Killian scoops her into his arms, soundly kissing her neck and making her giggle so hard she's soon breathless. "Your beard tickles!"

Emma watches them and realizes with horror that her eyes are rapidly filling with tears because this is the first time she acknowledges the fact that she can't be everything for her daughter.

In the end, little girls need their daddy too.

"I'm gonna make tea", she says around the lump in her throat and escapes to the kitchen despite the fact that she had promised not to take her eyes off him.

Neither Sienna nor Killian acknowledge her hasty retreat, and she busies herself with boiling the water but keeps listening to the murmur of voices coming from the living room to make sure the two of them aren't getting themselves in trouble with her gone.

When she returns, Sienna is sitting on Killian's knee holding the remote control for a bright red toy car, squeeing with glee when she ends up running it into Emma's foot.

"Careful, sweetheart", Killian says and reaches around her to reverse the car back and set it onto a clear path before he lets Sienna have the control of the remote again. "Alright there, Swan?"

"I'm fine", Emma says, but she gets the feeling that he's not asking about the collision of the toy car with her toes.

Sienna starts running the car into the wall but before Emma can admonish her for it Killian calmly takes the joystick from her and drives the car back, making it impossible for Emma to think about anything else but how easy it seems despite the fact he's only got one hand; his left arm is securely wrapped around Sienna and it looks like they are both comfortable with that.

"Let me drive", the little girl demands but Killian holds out the remote to Emma and sets Sienna on her feet, then goes to pick up the car from the floor.

"First you need to know what happens if you keep deliberately running it into the wall", Killian says and crouches in front of Sienna to show her the scuff marks already marring the front bumpers.

Both Emma and Sienna listen to him with undivided attention, and no matter how many times Sienna asks "why" he's got an answer ready, and it's only once she's out of questions that he smiles at Emma and lets Sienna have the remote again.

After that, the car stays well enough from the walls, Sienna standing on Killian's lap as he sips his tea and holds her up with his handless arm, a beautiful smile lingering on his lips; he's perfectly content just watching his daughter play and listening to her chatter, and Emma feels like an unneeded third wheel, realizing that they really don't need her watching them.

It appears that Killian's parenting skills aren't the least bit rusty even though it's been years since he'd been taking care of Sienna last.

Emma sees him in a new light and wishes she didn't like what she sees; he catches her staring and winks, which makes her blush fiercely and promise herself that she's going to send him packing by five at the latest.

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><p>It's 5:30 p.m. and Emma sits at the kitchen table watching Killian make cookie dough, Sienna standing on a chair next to him and rolling her own little ball of dough around.<p>

Somehow, the two of them had talked Emma into letting them bake, Killian easily countering her protests that she doesn't have all the ingredients because while she's capable of producing healthy meals, she doesn't have either time or patience for making pastries.

It turned out that chefs can make even the most simple things work in their favor and so here they are now, and Emma had given up on the idea of getting rid of Killian quickly.

The worst thing is, he's making something mundane as rolling the dough around look completely arresting, and he doesn't seem the least bit hindered by the fact he's missing a hand.

"Is it ready now?" Sienna asks for the tenth time and pokes her own piece of dough while simultaneously giving Killian her best puppy eyes; he finally gives in and takes over, and soon they are cutting out the shapes with the edge of a glass because Emma doesn't have the cookie cutters.

"Could you give us a hand, Swan?" Killian asks and flashes Emma with a blinding smile, and although she drags her feet and pretends that she's really put out with his demands, she gets the feeling she's not really fooling him.

She had adopted Sienna because she wanted a family of her own, because she wanted to belong, but it wasn't until now, until an insufferable man had made her lightly oil the pan before he helped Sienna arrange the would-be cookies in it, that she really felt like a part of a family, like it was the three of them against the world.

It scares her, this overwhelming joy brought by something as simple as baking cookies with Sienna and her father, but she can't muster the strength to retreat to a safe distance again.

"Do you want me to put it in the oven for you?" Emma asks, wondering who does it for him at work, but he just shakes his head and does it himself, telling her that he's going to ask for her help if he needs it.

There's thinly disguised annoyance in his voice and Emma feels embarrassed, which makes her huffy and defensive although she knows he's right; she'd been unconsciously underestimating him because of his missinghand.

"When do we eat eat cookies?" Sienna asks, interrupting the heavy silence and crouching in front of the oven, practically pressing her nose to it.

"It'll be a little while, lassie. Why don't you help me clean up until they are ready?" Killian asks and kneels next to her, catching her hand before she can press it to the oven door. "It's going to be hot soon, and you'd get burned."

"Ouchy", Sienna says and he scoops her up, moving her chair to the sink and letting her splash around while he does the dishes.

Ruby would have a field day with Emma's misgivings if she knew that Killian is willing to do the dishes on top of everything else.

It's a good thing nobody's going to tell her.

And so the three of them sit around the table and have delicious cookies and milk for dinner, the only sound in the kitchen being their collective crunching.

Nothing about this afternoon was like Emma had expected, and she realizes that she can't even be disappointed that Killian proved better than her wildest dreams because Sienna is practically glowing with happiness, alternatively beaming at him and Emma.

"Can Killy tuck Nenny in tonight?" Sienna asks when they are done and Emma glances at the wall, stunned at the fact that it's getting close to 7 p.m.

"I don't know, baby. Why don't you ask him?" Emma says and the gratitude in Killian's eyes is nearly overwhelming.

"I would love to, sunshine", Killian says when she turns her expectant gaze on him and Emma looks away as Sienna slides off her chair and runs off toward her room with a beaming smile.

"She hates going to sleep, and yet there she is, eagerly going to get ready for bed", Emma tells Killian, wanting him to know how influential his presence here really is.

"I'm not so bad, then, eh Swan?" He asks and wiggles his eyebrows playfully, and she surprises herself when she laughs and agrees that he's not.

It doesn't mean she trusts him, but so far, he seems different than all the other men she'd known and had disappoint her.

But then again, that's how Neal seemed in the beginning too.

Killian follows her down the hallway and hesitantly enters Sienna's room, looking around at the menagerie of stuffed animals and smiling at the bunny carefully tucked in under the covers.

Sienna is wobbling around on one foot, trying to put on her pajama bottoms and Emma tilts her head, silently encouraging Killian to help her while she goes to put toothpaste on Sienna's toothbrush.

"You have to stand next to her because otherwise she'd just eat the toothpaste and not do any brushing", Emma tells Killian in a mock whisper, earning a sheepish grin from Sienna and an admiring look from her father.

By the time Sienna gets under the covers her eyes are already closing from all the excitement she'd had today, and Killian barely has time to kiss her forehead and put the bunny in the crook of her arm before she's breathing deeply and evenly.

"Sweet dreams, Sienna", he says, his voice thick with emotion, and Emma leaves him be, going back to the kitchen and panicking a little because everything is going to change now.

Killian is in Sienna's life, and by extension in Emma's too whether she likes it or not, and after today, she might like it too much for her own good.

"I'll be off, then", he says from the doorway behind her and Emma jumps a little, then turns around pretending he didn't startle her and follows him to the front door, both of them subdued and a little tongue-tied.

"Thanks for the car", Emma tells him and he pauses on the porch, glancing back at her with gratitude shining in his blue, blue eyes.

"Thank you, Swan", he says, his voice low and full of emotion. "I know we didn't start off on the right foot, which my shin can testify to, but I'll forever be in your debt for letting me be in Sienna's life."

"Whoa there. Don't get ahead of yourself, cowboy. You're still on probation", Emma tells him with an easy grin, then bites her lip and asks if his leg is better.

"I've had much worse", he waves her question off graciously and bids her good night, which Emma echoes and goes back inside.

She closes the door and leans against it, a goofy smile stretching her lips before she can get herself under control and go back to being the ice princess that doesn't get affected easily.

Trouble is, there's too much about Killian that appeals to her, and his rough edges only seem to add to his charm.

The ice princess is melting, but she stubbornly refuses to admit it.

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><p><strong>Review?<strong>


	7. Rebuild the Wall

**As always, thank you for all the kind words and support, and now it's time for a little angst. Enjoy, and see you on Sunday!**

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><p>Killian calls Emma next morning to ask if he can take her and Sienna for ice-cream in the afternoon. His voice is steady but hopeful, and even though Emma's first instinct is to give in, she tells Killian that Sienna already has a playdate; the truth is, Emma could've easily gotten her out of it, but she thinks it wiser not to give in every time Killian asks to spend time with his daughter.<p>

Even if he phrases it in a way that is meant to get into Emma's good graces and make her forget her promise to herself to keep him at a distance.

It doesn't take long for her to realize that you can't really keep a distance from a father of your daughter.

Killian comes over a few afternoons every week to be with Sienna, always bringing a present, and always managing to convince Emma that it's quite alright for him to be doing so. What surprises her the most is that he doesn't only bring toys, but clothes as well, along with crayons and pencils and even pillowcases with Sienna's favorite Disney characters on them.

Sienna is happy, and every time Killian calls to ask if he can come over, Emma lets him, but no matter how much he tries to charm her into taking Sienna to the park or a museum or anywhere beyond the back yard, she remains unflinchingly strict and declines all his offers.

The reason why she can't let him take Sienna out is because she knows it's the point of no return; the three of them would paint the picture of a family, and somebody might even remark of it, which would lead to Sienna questioning Killian's presence in her life, and it's the last thing Emma wants to deal with. To his credit, Killian takes her declinations stoically, not even asking for an explanation or trying to change her mind in anything but the gentlest manner, but he doesn't stop asking either.

She tells herself that his infinite patience isn't making her like him even more than she already does.

At first, she stays with Sienna and Killian at all times, and he always makes sure to include her in their games if she's not doing some house chore at the same time, and if she is, he helps her and makes it a game for Sienna.

Emma thinks she'd object to it if she ever got the feeling he's trying to get into her pants, but he never does or says anything that would make her go on the defense the way she always does when she gets the barest feeling that somebody wants more than she can give.

And yet, as time passes and late winter becomes spring, she's more and more aware of the way their eyes meet sometimes, of the way his hand brushes hers when she takes Sienna from him, not to mention how close they end up standing when it's not really strictly necessary, his body swaying into hers, not quite touching but still assaulting her with his smell and his warmth.

She always pulls away, and she starts giving him a little time alone with Sienna, cleaning in some other part of the house or reading in the living room while Killian teaches his daughter how to kick a soccer ball in the yard.

Slowly, the fear that he's going to snatch Sienna and run dissipates, but Emma still can't bring herself to go to the store and leave her daughter with Killian, much less let him take Sienna somewhere on his own.

Once a week Killian gets to do the honors of tucking his princess into bed; sometimes he tells her an elaborate story he comes up with all on his own, other times he sings her a lullaby, that incredible voice of his rising and falling with the verses sung in a language neither Sienna nor Emma understand, but can't help adore because it sounds absolutely beautiful.

"What language was that?" Emma finally gives into her curiosity and leads the way to the kitchen instead of escorting Killian to the door; his half-smile is the only sign that he's pleased with her unspoken invitation to stay.

"Gaelic", Killian tells her and accepts her offer of hot chocolate with an arched eyebrow and a wave of his hand that makes Emma's stomach suddenly feel like it's housing a flock of butterflies.

"I thought you were English."

"I am English, but my mother was Irish, and she used to put me to sleep with those songs… Somehow I still remember them all", he says wistfully, his answer giving Emma pause because she remembers him telling her that he grew up in a group home.

"You told me you were an orphan", she says softly, her inherent suspiciousness taking the back seat because as far as she knows, he had not told her a lie since they've met.

"My mother died when I was six, and my father abandoned me not long after that", he says and Emma briefly wonders what's worse; to have parents and lose them or never to have known them at all.

She decides that both carry the same amount of pain, even if they hurt differently.

"What about you, Swan?" He asks and suspiciously studies the confection of chocolate, whipped cream and cinnamon she puts on the table before him, his eyes widening in surprise as he takes a careful sip. "This is incredible."

"Thank you", Emma says and they sit in silence for a moment, drinking their hot chocolate while she tries to decide how much to tell him.

It's weird, but for the first time since she can remember, she wants to tell somebody her entire sad story, and it's precisely the reason why she shouldn't.

"They found me by the side of the road; I wasn't even a week old."

To her surprise, Killian doesn't say he's sorry or any of the other useless things people usually tell her when confronted with the story of her origin, which is part of the reason why she doesn't like to talk about it. Killian listens, his eyes never straying from hers as she tells him how she had almost gotten adopted once, but the family who was going to take her got a child of their own and they decided to give her back.

"Sometimes I still get angry at them. Didn't they realize how much they would hurt me?" She whispers, looking up and blinking fast when her vision becomes blurry.

"I think they were happy and they decided not to think about you", Killian tells her softly and she looks up, meeting his blue eyes and managing to twist her lips into a tiny, fragile smile that mirrors his own.

After that, Killian stays over for hot chocolate on nights he tucks Sienna in; at first they talk about her job and his, regaling each other with stories about her rebellious students and his demanding customers, but then they move onto music, books and cinema, slowly finding that they are more alike than Emma could ever had thought.

* * *

><p>The neighbors notice Killian's presence, and although they are quite apprehensive at first, he easily charms them and soon the little old ladies are winking at Emma and telling her that she shouldn't be scared of ruining a friendship for the sake of getting together with a man as dreamy as Killian.<p>

Emma always smiles politely and changes the subject, but they get her thinking, and she comes to the conclusion that somehow along the way, Killian had really become her friend.

There are things about her past that he knows and even Ruby doesn't, and although she thinks it should scare her how close they've gotten, it really doesn't because friendship is safe, friendship is something that can never hurt you as much as love can.

Emma had learned that the hard way.

* * *

><p>Summer comes and brings Emma's school break, promising long days of sleeping in late, sunbathing and splashing with Sienna in the little pool she sets up for them in the back yard.<p>

It's how Killian finds them; Emma is gliding Sienna through the water, her daughter laughing and kicking her legs in exhilaration.

"I tried ringing the doorbell, but I figured you couldn't hear, so I climbed the fence", Killian says sheepishly and scratches behind his ear, his eyes roaming up her figure only briefly before snapping to hers while Sienna tries to scramble to the ladder leading out of the pool.

"It's Wednesday! I'm sorry, I didn't even realize; it always makes me a little disorientated when the school lets out.

"It's quite alright, Swan. For a moment I was afraid that you've… changed your mind", he says, hesitatingly walking closer and stooping to pick up Sienna when she races at him across the grass. "Hey there, little love. Did you miss me?"

"I missed you a lot", Sienna says and plants a loud kiss on Killian's cheek while Emma stands in the pool with her mouth opened.

He thought she had suddenly decided to keep him out and it saddens her although she can't really explain why.

"Do you wanna swim with me?" Sienna asks Killian and he glances at the pool and Emma, chuckling under his breath and telling Sienna that he's a little too tall for swimming in it.

Emma looks at them, looks at Killian holding Sienna as she playfully pokes his nose, and when he laughs she falls.

She's oddly calm about it, analyzing her feelings with a weird detachment, turning them this way and that until she's entirely certain that she's not under some kind of spell.

Emma Swan is in love with Killian Jones, and while it might have taken months for it to happen, now that it did, she knows that there's no going back.

She is in love with a brave, kind, beautiful man, and she can never let him know if she wants to keep both hers and Sienna's heart intact because love always ends, and all that remains is pain.

"Shut up and get in", Emma says softly, and Killian doesn't hesitate in handing back Sienna before he takes off his jeans, t-shirt, socks and shoes and joins them in the pool.

It's hard not to notice the wiry strength of Killian's arms and his well-defined abs, but more interesting to Emma are the tattoos she hadn't seen before; there's Sienna's birthday on his left shoulder, something written on his ribs below his heart in a language she doesn't know, but assumes is Gaelic, and a wheel of a ship right between his shoulder blades.

She spends the rest of the afternoon watching Killian attempt to show Sienna how to swim and laughing with them as if nothing had changed when in fact everything did.

* * *

><p>Killian is taking a shower in Emma's bathroom and she's pacing the living room, impatiently waiting for him to be done with it and go home. The afternoon has been more than pleasant but she wants to be alone with her thoughts so she can figure out what to do about the matter of her heart taking a dive for the pastry chef currently standing naked under a spray of water just a few feet away from her.<p>

She should've known this would happen.

Maybe she did know, and that's why she was resisting letting him in for so long.

When he finally emerges from the bathroom, his hair all mussed from the towel and his feet bare, it's all Emma can do not to kick him out of the house and throwing his shoes after him.

"I was thinking… We should do something special for Sienna's birthday. Maybe take her to the amusement park", Killian says as he sits on the couch to pull on his socks, and Emma gives him the same answer she always does.

No.

"Why not, Swan? What are you afraid of?"

Apparently, today is the day he chooses to demand answers.

"Because I said so."

"That's not an answer."

"How about because Sienna is my daughter and you should be thanking God I'm even letting you into the house", Emma says sharply and feels a kick in the gut at his hurt puppy expression.

"That's not an answer either", he tells her quietly and continues to wrestle his left sock on.

"The other day Sienna asked me if you could be her daddy, since she doesn't have one already", Emma tells him and hopes it's going to be enough to shut him up and send him on his way; she hadn't shared it with him before because she wasn't sure how he'd react, but she's desperate and she's prepared to say just about anything to make him leave.

"What did you tell her?"

"I told her that you're my friend and that you love her as much as a daddy would", Emma says and tries and swallows the lump that's suddenly stuck in her throat.

"Fine. You don't want to confuse her, so let's not. I'll take her to the amusement park on my own", Killian says and Emma takes a step back from him because everything is happening too fast and she just want to go to bed and sleep to feel wiser in the morning.

"I let you spend time with her here and that's it. You can take it or leave it."

"I bloody well won't take it or leave it", Killian exclaims and jumps from the couch, angrily showing his feet into his shoes. "I know you're not afraid that I will kidnap her anymore because you know me better than that, so give me one reason why it can't be just the two of us."

Emma knows that nothing she can come up with is actually a good enough reason, and since she can't exactly tell him that she'd fallen for him and she doesn't want to risk her heart, she tells him the only thing that he's bound to accept.

The only thing he can't change.

"Sienna is like quicksilver, Killian, and you need two hands to keep up with her", Emma says, and the stricken expression on his face almost makes her take the awful, horribly unfair words she doesn't even believe in back.

She had wanted to put distance between them, and it's exactly what she gets.

Killian tells her he'll see Sienna on Friday and walks out gently closing the door shut.

The soft click echoes like a gunshot and Emma sinks in the armchair with her head in her hands.

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><p><strong>Review?<strong>


	8. Let Him In

**I know you're all anxious to see what happens next after the way the last chapter ended, so without further ado, on with the story. Thank you for reading and/or leaving feedback, and see you on Tuesday for the next chapter.  
><strong>

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><p>After a restless night during which Emma keeps tossing and turning and having bad dreams in which she keeps telling Killian that he can't be a good father because he's missing a hand the dawn comes too quickly, filling Emma's room with murky shadows. She pads to the window and stares at the cloudy sky that seems to mock her after yesterday's bright sunshine and wraps her arms around herself, wishing more than anything that she could go back in time and change what she did; there had to have been a better way to push Killian away than exploit the thing he's already self-conscious about.<p>

She knows she should apologize, she should tell him she doesn't really think that he can't handle Sienna on his own, but if she does, she has to let him take her to the amusement park.

In the end, Emma calls Ruby and invites her over even though she knows her friend is going to take Killian's side in this, but she needs to take everything off her chest before she explodes.

"You're one of the smartest people I know, but you can be so damn dense", Ruby says and calmly takes a sip of her cappuccino.

"I should've known everything would get so complicated", Emma mutters and lets her head fall on the table, her stomach clenching because she keeps seeing Killian's face in her mind; seeing him hurt hurts her, and it's even worse because she's the one who did the hurting.

"You can't help who you fall in love with, Emma. Once you do, the only course of action is following your heart", Ruby tells her gently, but Emma remains stubborn.

"I've sworn off men a long time ago, and besides, imagine what it would do to Sienna if Killian doesn't feel the same and things get awkward between us, or even worse, if we start something and it doesn't work out."

"Jeez, Emma you need to stop living in the past."

"What?"

"I know there was some jerk that hurt you and broke your heart, but you can't let him ruin your entire life and any chance you might have at happiness", Ruby says and even though on some level Emma knows she's right, it's easier said than done letting go of Neal.

"I have Sienna. I don't need anybody else", she says softly, but they both know it's a lie.

She can't remember ever being as happy as these past few months since Killian came into her life.

"You have to apologize to him."

"I know."

"You have to ask him out too."

"Absolutely not."

"Emma, come on. What would it hurt? If it doesn't work out-"

"I don't think you realize how into deep I really am", Emma says miserably and Ruby's eyes widen comically, although Emma doesn't see anything funny about this whole situation.

"Are you telling me you're in love with him?"

"Yeah", Emma whispers and curses him silently for making her so melodramatic. "This is a disaster."

"This is what we're gonna do. Tomorrow I'll take Sienna, and when he comes over you're going to apologize, open a bottle of wine, and see where the evening goes."

"I can't do that."

"Stop it! Stop burying your head in the sand. You're a grown woman, and you're going to deal with this like a grown woman should. Which is flirt with him shamelessly until he kisses you", Ruby tells her with a playful smile and Emma can't help smiling a little too.

"I'm not gonna flirt."

"If he's as astute as you've told me, he's going to flirt with you, so make sure you don't shoot him down", Ruby tells her and winks, then gets up and carries her cup to the sink. "I'm gonna help Sienna get dressed, you go take a shower and put some make-up on. We're having fun today, and no more talking about boys is allowed.

"But-"

"Go", Ruby forces her out of the kitchen and Emma gives in, grateful for a distraction even though she feels a little bit guilty because she knows Killian can't be having it easy today, and there's nobody who's going to come over to cheer him up like Ruby had done for Emma.

Over the years Emma had gotten really good at not thinking about the things that upset her, but somehow, today, despite Ruby's best efforts and Sienna's antics, she can't quite stop Killian's blue eyes from haunting her.

* * *

><p>Ruby comes to pick up Sienna on Friday afternoon and it takes a lot of convincing to make her get into the car because she knows Fridays are Killy days and she doesn't want to go anywhere when she knows he's coming.<p>

"Mommy needs to talk to him about something, baby", Emma tells her and tries not to smile at her daughter's stubborn expression.

"I'll be real quiet in my room", Sienna says and gives Emma a hopeful smile. "I won't come out until you call me, I promise."

"If you go with Ruby, Killian might take us to the amusement park for your birthday", Emma says, telling herself she's not really lying.

"Really?" Sienna exclaims, her eyes as big as saucers.

"That's what we need to talk about", Emma tells her and Sienna finally scrambles into her car seat, letting Ruby strap her in.

"Nice job", Ruby says and gives Emma a saucy wink. "You really can't wait to get him alone, can you?"

"Shut up and go", Emma tells her and leans down to kiss Sienna goodbye. "Be good, pumpkin."

"I will mommy", Sienna tells her and holds out her bunny. "Give him a kiss."

Emma obliges her and stands at the edge of her driveway until Ruby pulls away, then takes a deep breath, but it doesn't make the weight in her stomach any easier to bear.

She ends up pacing the kitchen and rehearsing what she's going to say when Killian comes over, but as soon as he rings the doorbell it all flies out of her head; she walks through the silent house, lifts her chin up and opens the door, hoping she appears calm despite the turmoil inside.

"Hey", she says and offers Killian a sheepish smile he doesn't return, just gives her a curt, clipped greeting and slips around her and into the house.

Emma follows him into the living room and hovers in the doorway, deciding it's the smartest place to be if he refuses to listen to her and tries to leave before she can explain.

"Where's Sienna?" He asks and pauses with his jacket halfway down his arm, looking at her carefully and shrugging it back on when she doesn't respond immediately. "She's not here, is she?"

"She's with Ruby", Emma says and a muscle jumps in his jaw as he tries to keep his temper under control.

"I thought we had an agreement."

"We did. We do", Emma says and it's suddenly incredibly hard to meet his eyes. "I owe you an apology."

"You don't owe me anything", Killian says sharply and still sits on the arm of the sofa, watching her expectantly. "Call Ruby and tell her to bring Sienna back."

"I want to apologize", Emma says and comes closer, refusing to let his anger make her take the easy way out. "I shouldn't have said that to you."

"That? You mean the rubbish about me being incapable of keeping Sienna safe and happy because I'm a cripple?" He says, and she almost flinches at the derogatory term.

"I never called you a cripple", she says heatedly and his eyes had never before looked like two blocks of ice.

"It's what you meant."

"No, Killian, I really didn't", Emma says and grabs his arm when he tries to stand up and move away.

"Let. Go", he says, staring down at her hand on his handless arm, and she loosens her grip a little bit in case it's still sensitive, but doesn't let him go altogether.

"Please let me explain."

"I don't care about your explanation. I'll follow your rules if that's what you want but you and I are done", he tells her and pries her fingers open, her eyes stinging with tears as she watches him walk away. "I'll see Sienna on Monday."

"I was scared", Emma exclaims, and it effectively stops Killian in his tracks.

"Scared of what, exactly?"

"Of being replaced", she tells him and sinks down on the sofa, her fingers entwining together, her heart going a mile a minute because she can't shake the feeling that things are never going to go back to the way they were between them.

After all, he said they were done.

"I thought you trusted that I wouldn't try to take Sienna away", he says and slowly turns around, and she forces herself to meet his stormy eyes.

"I do trust you. It's myself I'm doubting", Emma murmurs and tries not to smile when he drifts closer, his anger slowly draining away.

Killian sits on the other edge of the sofa and remains silent, studying her face as she gathers her thoughts.

"I love Sienna more than anything or anybody in the world, and she is my daughter in all the ways that matter, but now that you're here, I can't help feeling a little… inadequate", she says and pauses to see if Killian is going to offer any insight in his usual fashion, but he doesn't, so she carries on. "You've bonded with her in a minute, and I'm pretty sure she already loves you as much as she loves me."

"It's not a competition, Swan."

"I know. I don't want to feel like this, but I do, and I thought that if I let you take Sienna see places she'd only ever seen with me… I thought she wouldn't need me anymore, and I… I can't-", she trails off as tears spill down her cheeks and she gets too choked up to continue, her eyes closing tightly in an effort to stop them from falling.

The sofa dips and then Killian's arms are around her, pulling her into his side and his warmth, her face pressing against his leather-clad shoulder as he murmurs softly in her ear and rubs his hand up and down her back.

"Sienna is always going to need you, love. She needs us both", he says and caresses her hair, holding her as gently as he would the most delicate glass and still managing to comfort her with his words and his embrace.

"I didn't mean what I said", she says once her tears run dry, and he stiffens but keeps holding her close so she can't see his face. "You run circles around every single father I know and I have yet to see something you can't do."

"I can't braid Sienna's hair", he says, and there's a note of humor in his voice that belies the serious subject. "Or tie her shoes."

"I'll do that, but you have to do everything else", Emma teases and he chuckles, the sound reverberating through her, their closeness starting to affect her the way she hadn't been affected in a long time.

"Deal", he says and they slowly pull away, finding it hard to meet each other's eyes.

It's the moment she realizes that he's not as indifferent to her as she had made herself believe until now.

"Do you want a cup of tea?" She asks abruptly and continues before he can say anything. "We can go get Sienna afterwards."

"Tea would be nice", he says and follows her to the kitchen, shrugs out of his jacket and takes a seat at the table.

Emma prepares their drinks and joins him, then sips her coffee trying to gather courage for the question she'd been meaning to ask since the first time they had tea and coffee together like this, but it keeps getting stuck in her throat until Killian asks her what's bothering her.

"Nothing is bothering me. I was just curious… why don't you have some kind of a prosthetic hand?" She finally spits it out, ignoring the strangest urge to smooth her index finger against the scar on his stump.

"Ah, that", he says and rests his hand on his forearm, his thumb rubbing the tattoo of a hook while Emma watches his face, her eyes caressing the fine line of his jaw which her itching fingers are longing for too.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"It's a simple enough answer", he says and lifts his head to look at her. "When they hacked off my hand the guards took me to the hospital and then brought me back to prison on the same night. They kept me in the infirmary for exactly a week before they hauled me back to my cell, so you can imagine how eager they were to get me a prosthetic."

"You're not in prison anymore", Emma says softly and he gives her a wry smile, his eyes firmly holding hers.

"It's been over three years since I lost my hand, Swan. I'm used to doing things one-handed… I_ can_ do them one-handed, and at this point a fake hand would just be a hindrance", he tells her and Emma nods even though she doesn't really understand because how can one hand be better than two? "You're wondering why I don't do everything I can to blend in."

"You couldn't blend in even if you tried", Emma tells him and blushes fiercely red, practically hearing Ruby cackling in her head.

"I'll take that as a compliment", Killian smirks, enjoying her discomfort and looking at her in a way that makes her blush even deeper.

"Oh please. You know well enough how attractive you are", Emma huffs and smacks his shoulder when he flutters his eyelashes at her and purses his lips.

"If you say so, Swan", he chuckles and gives her a smoldering look over his cup of tea and Emma realizes she's in big trouble now.

She had fallen in love with him when he wasn't even trying to woo her, so her chances of resisting him now that he'd turned all his considerable charm in her direction are less than one percent.

Emma decides to try nonetheless.

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	9. Not a Family Outing

**So... this chapter contains a lot of daddy!Killian feels and a lot of Emma and Killian bonding. I hope you enjoy, and see you on Thursday for the next part of the story.  
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><p>"Sienna tells me we're going to the amusement park next weekend", Killian says from the kitchen doorway and Emma almost drops the potato she'd been peeling because she completely forgot what she had promised Sienna to convince her to go with Ruby.<p>

"I said we might go", Emma says even though she already knows that this time she's going to give in.

This time she's going to let Killian take her and Sienna out as if they were a real family.

"She seems to think that there's no "might". I don't know about you, but I don't want to be the one to disappoint her", Killian says and gives her a smile that would melt glaciers.

"What if people assume we're a family? What if she gets confused?"

"Let them assume whatever they want. All Sienna needs to know is that we're friends and that I love her very much, and she knows that already", he says softly and Emma sighs, pressing her lips together because she wants to say yes so badly and she's running out of reasons why she shouldn't. "Come on, Swan, it's for her birthday. Let's have a little fun."

"We can have fun here", Emma says petulantly and he plucks the knife from her fingers and turns her around to face him, his hand and stump resting on her shoulders.

"It's going to break her heart, and you know it", he tells her and she makes the mistake of meeting his eyes when he speaks again. "Just this once, Emma."

He never calls her Emma, and the sound of her name spoken in that accent of his that always sends chills down her spine makes her finally give in.

"Okay", she whispers and she had never seen a smile more beautiful than his; its bright warmth nestles right inside her soul and she loses another part of her heart in his eyes.

"Okay", he echoes and only then seems to realize how close they are, so he steps back and rubs his ear the way he always does when he's embarrassed before returning to the living room, leaving her standing at the kitchen island and grinning like a dummy.

The weekend is definitely going to be interesting.

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><p>Killian comes to pick Emma and Sienna up in a cab and the three of them crowd into the back seat, Sienna on his lap and Emma's thigh pressed against his because the car is basically a tin can, but she'd be lying if she said she didn't enjoy the regrettably short ride to the shore.<p>

Sienna is more interested in getting into the park as fast as possible than the ocean view, but Emma plants her feet and doesn't let her run off, noticing the way Killian leans against the rail and looks out at the horizon, his ribcage expanding when he inhales deeply.

"You okay?" Emma asks and lays her hand on his shoulder while Sienna hugs his leg with her arm and looks up at him with a concerned look on her face.

"Are you sick, Killy?"

"I'm fine, little love", he says and ruffles her hair, tearing his eyes from the water and giving Emma a reassuring smile.

"Let's go then!" Sienna exclaims excitedly and slips her free hand into Killian's, dragging both of them forward.

There's so many rides in the park that there's no way they can do them all in one day, so they let Sienna choose, alternatively riding with her and smiling at each other while Sienna waves.

"What's that?" She asks after they've had lunch and she blew out all four candles on her birthday cake at once; they've come across a booth filled to the brim with stuffed toys and a few targets painted on the back of it.

"It's a game. You shoot at the targets and if you hit three you get a toy", Killian tells her and her eyes grow wide and hopeful.

"Can I try?"

"Depends on the recoil", Killian says and winks at Emma, slaps a fiver on the counter and demands the rifle.

The proprietor of the booth glances at Killian's stump, lifts his eyebrows but hands over the rifle without a word, then snatches up the money and stands aside.

Emma picks up Sienna so she can see the targets and watches Killian lift the rifle, balancing it on his left forearm and looking down the sight for a moment before he pulls the trigger.

The first shot goes wide, the proprietor smirks, and there are only three bullets left.

"Shoot it, Killy", Sienna cheers but he doesn't even seem aware of her presence, sighting the next target in line and hitting dead center, an overwhelming rush of pride racing through Emma's veins. "Yaaay!"

"Shhh, baby, let d-… Killian concentrate", Emma says, horrified because she had almost said daddy, but luckily, neither Sienna nor Killian notice.

Killian hits the third and fourth target in a rapid succession and holds the rifle for another moment before he returns it and points at the wall of animals.

"The rifle is too heavy for you, little love, but you get a toy anyway", he tells Sienna and she holds out her arms until he takes her from Emma and the two of them spend a couple of minutes debating her choice.

In the end, she chooses a bunny so the one she's got at home never gets lonely, and Emma swallows the lump in her throat and taps Killian on the shoulder.

"Can you show me how to shoot?"

"Another toy for Nenny", Sienna giggles when Killian sets her on the counter and extracts another fiver from his pocket.

"Let's see about getting Sienna one more bunny", he says as Emma takes the rifle and lifts it to her shoulder, letting Killian adjust her grip and realizing that there's no way for her to keep her breathing under control when he's standing so close to her, his front practically pressed against her back. "Loosen your fingers, Swan. That's good. Now, breathe in, aim a bit below the target and squeeze the trigger when you exhale."

Emma does as he says and misses completely.

"It's alright. Just remember, squeeze, don't pull", he murmurs against her ear and steps back, giving her room to breathe.

Somehow, she hits the next three targets and grins at the unhappy proprietor while Sienna muses over a new toy.

"You're bloody brilliant, amazing", Killian says and Emma feels incredibly accomplished and silly at the same time.

"That bunny!" Sienna announces and hands the old-new bunny to Killian, who puts it under his arm and settles her on his hip.

"Now you've got a bunny family", he says and Sienna nods enthusiastically, then rests her head on Killian's shoulder and promptly falls asleep.

"I'll take the bunnies", Emma says and stuffs the toys in her bag so that Killian can get a better grip on his sleeping daughter.

"There it is."

"What?"

"Another thing I can't do; juggle Sienna and two bunnies", Killian says with a lopsided grin that makes Emma roll her eyes and fight one of her own.

"Shut up", she says and sticks her tongue at him.

Letting him bring them here was the best decision she'd made in a while.

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><p>Sienna sleeps in her father's arms and Emma sits next to them on a bench overlooking the ocean, holding her daughter's little hand and remembering the time when it used to curl around her finger.<p>

"How come you've never asked to see Sienna's pictures?" She asks Killian softly and finds him staring at the endless blue again.

"It's one thing knowing that you've missed so much, it's quite another actually seeing it", he tells her and shifts his forget-me-not eyes on her. "Maybe someday I'll feel brave enough to do it, but for now, I'd rather pretend they don't exist."

They sit in silence while Emma contemplates his answer, and gathers the courage for another question.

"Why does the ocean make you feel sad?" She finally whispers, watching his lips lift in a fragile smile before he tells her that it doesn't. "Melancholy, then?"

"I used to be a fisherman", he tells her without looking at her, staring at his knees instead. "Another thing you can't do one-handed."

"Some people would say that you can't hit three targets out of four with only one hand", Emma tells him softly, wishing she could erase his pain and realizing at the same time that he wouldn't be the man she knows without it.

She'd still give anything to spare him from it.

"Yeah, some people would", he says wistfully and looks down at Sienna's sleeping face, his thumb gently caressing her full cheek.

"What happened to your boat?"

"I sold it", Killian tells her and she knows better than to ask him if he misses it.

It's painfully clear that he does, more than words can say.

"Maybe someday we can rent a sailboat and you can take us out on the ocean", Emma says and caresses Sienna's knuckles because she's not brave enough to caress his.

"Maybe", he says, but it's another word she hears drifting on the breeze.

_Never._

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><p>Sienna doesn't wake up on the cab ride back and Killian carries her to the bedroom where he lies her down in her bed and puts on her pajamas; she mumbles something without opening her eyes, and even though Emma could dress her much quicker and more efficiently, she lets him finish what he'd started, eventually getting their daughter under the covers with one bunny under each arm and the oldest one resting on the pillow next to her head.<p>

"Sleep tight, sunshine", he murmurs and kisses Sienna's forehead, then carefully lies out the new red dress Sienna had worn today on a chair.

"I love you", Emma whispers and kisses the same place Killian's lips had just touched, then follows him through the house, both of them lingering on the porch.

"Thank you", they say in unison, then smile sheepishly and come to stand next to the railing, looking up at the starry sky.

Emma doesn't want him to go, but she doesn't think she should make him stay.

"You were right."

"About?"

"Today really was fun", Emma says and Killian smiles, then slowly leans in and presses a sweet, lingering kiss to her cheek.

"Thank you, love", he tells her and pulls away, turning to leave, but Emma grabs his wrist and pulls him back around; she goes up on tiptoes and kisses him right on the mouth before she can really think about what she's doing, making him stumble back a little, but he quickly finds his feet and wraps his arm around her waist, pulling her flush against him and returning the kiss with equal amount of passion that's apparently been simmering inside him just as it's been simmering inside her.

They sigh at time same time and Emma melts against his hard body, angling her head to allow him better access and tangling her fingers in his soft hair, breathing him in and refusing to think about the consequences, for once in her life allowing herself to live in the moment.

And what a glorious moment it is.

Killian is everything she can feel, taste, smell and hear, his arms surrounding her and holding her close, supporting her when her knees turn to jello and the stars above their heads spin on without them.

Eventually, they pull away and just breathe for a few more seconds with their foreheads pressed together, Emma's heart slamming against her ribcage and sending cold panic shooting through her system.

"That was…", he trails off and somehow, she finds the strength to extract herself from his embrace.

"A one-time thing", she tells him and turns to walk away, her legs still wobbly from the most incredible kiss she'd ever received. "I'll see you on Tuesday."

Killian doesn't say anything, but Emma can feel him just at the edge of the porch, frozen solid with her rejection, his eyes following her as she slips back into the house and carefully closes the door.

Kissing him was a mistake, but it had felt right, and Emma presses her hand to her mouth, wishing she were braver, wishing she could stop running and bring herself to risk her heart again.

Hoping against hope that Killian is going to be patient and find a way to knock down all her walls.

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	10. I Trust You

**Here goes; the aftermath of the kiss and Killian's POV too. Thank you so much for all the reviews, and I hope you keep them coming because they always make me smile. New chapter on Saturday, and until then, enjoy!**

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><p>Emma is stuck at the high school because of a summer session that's taking much longer than planned. She hadn't seen Killian or talked to him since the kiss, and her hand trembles as she paces the hallway outside of the meeting room and taps his name on the screen.<p>

On her list of outgoing calls, Killian Jones is somehow always at the top.

"Hello, Swan", he says softly and the memory of the kiss assaults her in such vivid detail that she can practically taste him on her lips again.

"Killian. Hi", she says and cringes at how squeaky her voice sounds. "I need a favor."

"Your wish is my command", he tells her and she smiles, relieved that he's not trying to talk to her about the kiss she shouldn't have given him.

"I'm at school and I won't be able to escape by the time I have to pick up Sienna. Can you do it for me?" Emma asks and bites her lip, waiting for his answer.

"Naturally. We'll be at my place until you come for her", he says and her blood freezes.

"I was hoping you'd wait for me at the kindergarten like the last time."

"It's raining, lass", he tells her gently and Emma lifts her head to look out, her cheeks burning when she realizes that he's right; she'd been so buried in work all day that she never bothered to look outside.

"Oh… I've never seen your place and I don't feel comfortable with Sienna being there", Emma says as gently as she can and hopes he won't take it the wrong way.

"Very well. I'll bring her to your house. Do you have a spare key?"

"I guess... It's underneath the second garden gnome on the right", Emma tells him and presses her lips together to stop herself from telling him to be careful with her baby.

"We'll be there when you come home", Killian says and the joy in his voice is impossible to overhear. "I'll take good care of her."

"Thank you, Killian", Emma murmurs, and as soon as they hang up she calls Miss Blake to let her know that Killian is coming for Sienna, eternally grateful that she never got around to yell at Sienna's teacher for letting Killian near her.

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><p>Killian comes into the kindergarten hallway and stands awkwardly at the corner feeling incredibly self-conscious because of the looks the other parents are giving him. Thankfully, it's not long before the door opens and the children come pouring out; his heart squeezes when he notices his little lass pausing uncertainly and looking around for Emma.<p>

"Sienna!" He calls and she beams when she notices him, running across the hallway and throwing herself into his arms as if it's been years since they've seen each other instead of days.

"I missed you, Killy", she whispers against his neck like a secret, hugging him tightly for a moment before she asks about her mommy.

"Mommy is still at work, but I'm taking you home and she's going to join us as soon as she can", he tells her and catches the teacher's eye, receiving a flirty smile and a nod when he tips his head to the door.

"Don't forget my bag!" Sienna exclaims when he turns to go and he shifts her in his arms so that he can pick up the purple bag from where she had dropped it on the floor when she'd spotted him.

He manages to get them through the door but then he has to set Sienna on her feet to open the umbrella and feels his cheeks burn in embarrassment at all the pitying looks he gets for his effort; his stump was a sign of strength in prison, something he showed off instead of hiding it, but things outside are different.

Sienna and her mother seem to be the only one on the right side of the prison fence who doesn't see him as something less because he's missing a hand.

"Hold on, monkey", he says and kneels down, managing to hook Sienna on his hip and keep hold of the umbrella, shooting a challenging look at the gaping mothers as he carries his daughter away.

The rain seems to intensify and Sienna burrows into his leather jacket, shivering like a leaf and making him quicken his pace as much as he can. For the first time since the accident he wishes for a car, but luckily Emma's house isn't more than a couple of blocks from the kindergarten.

"I'm cold", Sienna whines when they reach the porch, her teeth clattering while he pushes gnome after gnome on their backs until finally finding the hidden key.

"Almost there, lassie", he tells her and unlocks the door, trying not to think about the kiss that happened on this very porch and failing miserably because he'd played it in his head again and again all through the weekend.

Sienna runs into the house ahead of him and he catches up to her in the living room, wrapping her in a blanket from the back of the couch before he carries her into the bathroom and runs her a warm bath. "Let's take off those wet clothes."

"I can do it on my own", Sienna says proudly and gets stuck in her shirt, flailing around until he helps her find a way out and giving him an impulsive hug that warms him in places that haven't been warm in a long time.

Killian checks the water and lifts her into the tub, feeling a pang of uncertainty because the last time he'd washed Sienna's hair she was six months old and he still had two hands, but Emma won't be back in a while and he wants to get this over with as quickly as possible.

"Did you see that?" He asks Sienna and points at the ventilation shaft close to the ceiling, her head tilting back as she examines it.

"What was it?"

"I'm not sure. It was little and flurry", he tells her and starts shampooing her hair, smiling to himself when her eyes remain glued to the ventilator shaft.

"Like a kitty?" Sienna asks hopefully and he almost feels bad for deceiving her so, but he'd rather do that than have her crying because shampoo got in her eyes.

"Might have been just a shadow", he tells her after he's done and wraps her in a big towel, quickly helping her dress and making her stand on the closed toilet seat as he dries her hair with a blow-drier.

"When is mommy coming back?" Sienna asks, her bottom lip trembling when he tells her that he doesn't know. "Is mommy sick?"

"Mommy is not sick, sunshine, she's just stuck at work."

"But it's summer. Mommy doesn't work when it's summer."

"She doesn't work but there are meetings she has to attend even when it's summer", Killian explains and embraces Sienna because she still looks like she's going to cry. "Let's find something to eat and then we can both take a little nap, and mommy's going to be back before we wake up."

"Promise?" Sienna asks and looks at him with such faith it leaves him breathless, her face stretching into a bright smile when he pokes her nose and tells her that he promises.

He'd promise the sun and the stars if she asked him to and somehow find a way to bring them down for her.

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><p>Emma comes into the house and pauses in the hallway only long enough to put her umbrella into the stand, her boots leaving a wet trail on the floor as she goes into the living room, her stomach dropping because there's no sight of either Sienna or Killian there.<p>

The fear grips her tightly and she can't seem to make her voice work, Sienna's name unable to pass through her pale lips so she runs first into the kitchen then into her daughter's room, but finds nothing.

The sight of the clothes Sienna had worn today drying in the bathroom calms her down just enough so she doesn't start hyperventilating, and she opens the door of her bedroom to find her daughter sleeping diagonally across the bed with her face pressed against Killian's side, her arm resting on his chest.

He's snoring softly, his mouth opened and his head resting on Emma's pillow, and she leans heavily against the doorway, expelling the breath she'd been holding and feeling quite a lot of guilt because she really thought he had kidnapped Sienna the first chance he got.

In truth, he'd bathed, fed and put their daughter to sleep, so it's no wonder he felt like thaking a little nap too.

Emma changes in the bathroom, then comes out and kneels next to her bed, kisses Sienna's head and inhales Killian's smell before sitting back on her heels and gently shaking his shoulder.

"Killian, wake up", she murmurs and smiles at the way he sighs and presses his nose into her pillow, her eyes straying to the hem of his shirt that's ridden up on his stomach and revealed the well-defined ridges of his abs. "Killian, come on."

"Swan?" He says and blinks slowly, his voice still raspy with sleep, his lips so inviting she realizes she needs to put some distance between them before she does something stupid like kissing him again.

"Do you need to go back to work?" Emma asks and stands up while Killian carefully lifts Sienna's arm and eases off the bed, but Sienna is sleeping so heavily not a hundred cannons could wake her up.

"What time is it?" Killian whispers as they exit the bedroom and she has to steer him along the hallway because apparently he's still half-asleep.

Now she understands who Sienna gets her sleeping habits from.

"Almost 6:30."

"No use in going back for half an hour", Killian mumbles and goes to the kitchen sink to wash his face, and as soon as he's done with that the tension goes sky high, sparks dancing in the air around them.

"Sorry for dumping Sienna on you like that. I really didn't have anybody else to call", Emma says and he waves her apology off, busying himself with the dishes left from Sienna's afternoon meal Emma hadn't even noticed in her earlier search for her daughter.

"It was no trouble at all."

"You don't have to do that", Emma tells him but he ignores her, then dries his hand and stump and traps her against the kitchen island with his arms on either side of her. "What are you doing?"

"I know you would prefer it if I forgot about the kiss, Swan."

"I don't-"

"I couldn't stop thinking about you since the day I saw you, and for a little while you had me fooled, making me believe you didn't see me as anything except Sienna's father, one you wished would disappear", he tells her, his voice low and his face so close she could count every fleck of darker color in his blue eyes if she were able to remember the numbers. "I've known for a while now that you liked me, but the kiss made it loud and clear just how much."

"I don't-"

"There's no use denying it, love. I know you're scared, and I know you're not ready to take a leap of faith, but someday you're going to be", he tells her and she's stunned into silence, trembling in her warm kitchen and hanging onto his every word. "When I win your heart, Emma, and I will win it, it won't be because any trickery; it will be because you want me."

She opens her mouth, but nothing comes out and he just smiles, his hand coming up and his knuckles caressing her cheek tenderly before he steps back and points toward the bedroom.

"I think it's about time our sleeping beauty woke up, don't you think? Otherwise you're going to have her running around the house in the middle of the night."

"Yeah", Emma says softly and he winks, then disappears down the hallway in the direction of her bedroom.

The speech he'd given her just moments ago is still going round and round in her head by the time he returns with Sienna, but Emma focuses her attention on her daughter and listens to her chatter about her day, all along hyper-aware of Killian as he moves around the kitchen and cooks them dinner.

Emma could tell him to go, she could tell him he'd done enough today and it was time to head home, but she doesn't because it's clear how much it means to him that she had let him in and let him take care of both Sienna and herself.

He might think that he still needs to prove himself, still needs to convince her that he's a good father and that he'd make a good partner, but he'd done that long ago.

Emma's heart is already won; it's only her head that still needs a little more time to catch up.

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	11. Daddy

**Emma and Killian get closer in this chapter, both because of circumstances and because he keeps proving to her that she can trust him. Thank you everybody for reading and leaving such nice reviews, and see you on Monday for another update, if we survive the return of the show.**

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><p>It's the last free weekend of Emma's break and Sienna wakes her with a request; her little girl wants to bake Killian a cake, and Emma doesn't have the heart to tell her no even though there are more pressing matters, like doing the laundry, for example.<p>

Killian shows up just as Emma puts the cake in the oven, and he's two hours early; Emma opens the door to find him fidgeting on the porch with a duffel bag slung over his shoulder.

"Killy!" Sienna exclaims and pushes past her mother, leaving Killian just enough time to throw the bag on the floor and catch her in his arms, launching an attack of kisses at his daughter's face.

"Look at you, lassie! Did you get even more beautiful since the last time I've seen you?!"

"No, silly!" Sienna giggles and looks at Emma before informing Killian that they've made him a cake.

"You did? For me?" He asks and lifts his eyebrow in Emma's direction, flustering her so easily she's certain her cheeks are brightly red.

"It's still baking."

And yet, there's something about his general disheveled appearance today that combined with the bag on the porch makes her uneasy.

"Don't let it go to your head", she says with a smile and motions him forward, watching as he slides the bag in with his foot before closing the door. "It was Sienna's idea, and besides, you made us so many cakes that it was past time we returned the favor."

"You're baking me a cake", he repeats and comes closer to her, the hallway suddenly feeling too narrow and too hot.

"Why do you have a bag?" Sienna interrupts their moment and Killian stiffens, shifting her higher on his hip and studiously avoiding Emma's eyes.

"I'm going camping, little love."

Even though he's not looking at her, it's painfully obvious that Killian is lying.

"Can mommy and me go camping too?" Sienna asks and frames his face in her hands, bumping her nose again his.

"You will have to ask your mother about that, darling", he says and kisses her palm, then gently sets her on her feet and nudges her toward the doorway. "How about you go to your room to get the bunny family so we can have a tea party?"

"I'll be quick quick", Sienna sings and starts running away, then changes her mind and pivots on her heel to give Killian's leg a hug before she disappears into the hallway off the living room.

"Where are you going?" Emma asks as soon as Sienna is out of earshot, her question coming out more anxious than she had intended.

"I'm not going anywhere, Swan. I'm not leaving her, or you. I promise", he says solemnly, pinpointing her fears easily; his eyes are soft and so honest, his hand hovering between them, half-way reaching for hers, but Sienna interrupts again and slips Miss Panda into Killian's hand, holding the other two bunnies close to her chest.

Emma lets Killian cut the cake because he always miraculously manages to make all the pieces precisely the same size, and then they have a tea party, Sienna pouring imaginary tea for herself and the bunnies; Miss Panda, Mister Daisy, and Ella.

The names always make Emma smile, especially because Killian had helped her come up with them.

Emma sips her hot chocolate and watches as Sienna abandons her chair to crawl into Killian's lap and rest her head on his chest, her father's gentle fingers caressing under her chin.

"Stop it, it tickles, daddy! It tickles!" She exclaims and both Emma and Killian freeze, both of them waiting to see what happens next, but Sienna doesn't even seem to be aware of what she's said.

Killian strokes her arm and kisses the top of her head, his eyes on Emma's, both of them at a complete loss.

Eventually, Sienna falls asleep on Killian's lap, her head buried in the crook of his elbow, a lock of her hair rising and falling with her even breathing.

"Why do you have your bag, Killian? You're not really going camping", Emma asks and stands up, carefully taking Sienna from Killian's arms and laying her down on her bed.

"No, I'm not", he tells her, the two of them tiptoeing out of the room and silently walking to the kitchen where she leans against the island and crosses her arms in front of her chest while he paces between the fridge and the sink.

"Alright, then. Tell me what happened."

"You're not going to stop asking until I tell you, right?" Killian sighs and she gives him a wry smile, calm because he had promised he's not leaving, and whatever else his bag is about, they can find a solution for it.

"It does concern me."

"Because I'm Sienna's father or because of the kiss we shared?"

Emma just looks at him and hopes he can tell that the answer is both.

"I got kicked out of my place", he finally says and rubs the tattoo on his stump the way he always does when he's upset about something.

"But how, I thought-"

"My landlady somehow found out about my prison stint and decided that I've overstayed my welcome."

"Why did you try to keep it from me?" Emma asks softly and he gives her an eloquent look before he drops heavily on a kitchen chair and rests his elbow on the table.

"We both know that Sienna would beg you to take me in and in the end you'd have to give in. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable or make you feel like you don't have a choice. You don't owe me anything."

"Where are you going to sleep?" Emma asks, her throat tight because she's incredibly touched; he had said he would win her heart fairly, and this is just another proof that he intends to do it without any dirty tricks.

"I will think of something. Maybe I can crash at Matt's", he says and Emma lifts her eyebrow because they both know his boss has a new baby and two toddlers; there's just no room for Killian in his apartment.

"You can stay here", Emma tells him and sits in a chair facing him, feeling relieved as soon as the offer to take him in passes her lips.

He could stay in a motel until he finds a new place, but she doesn't want him to.

"Swan, I can't possibly-"

"It will make Sienna happy."

"And you?" He asks, looking at her with those incredible blue eyes, his hand just inches from hers on the table, so close that she can feel its warmth.

"I can't let Sienna's father sleep in some dingy motel", Emma tells him and leaves her hand where it is, fighting the impulse to reach for his.

"I'm not asking for pity."

"You think this is pity? Come on."

"You're just hoping I'm going to warm your bed", Killian teases and Emma laughs, joy bubbling inside her unexpectedly as Killian's hand slides over the table until his knuckles press against the side of her palm.

"Keep dreaming, buddy. You're sleeping on the couch."

"Lucky me", he murmurs, smiling at her brightly as they both pretend they have nothing to do with the fact that their pinky fingers have ended up entwined.

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><p>During diner Emma tells Sienna that Killian is going to stay with them for a while, and their daughter shoots out of her seat and runs around the table to wrap her arms around Killian's waist, smiling as brightly as the sun.<p>

"You can take my bed if you want!" She tells him and Emma realizes that she could listen to the sound of Killian's laugh all day long and never get bored.

"I'm not taking your bed, little love. Mommy is letting me sleep on the couch."

"But why? I have a big bed and we can snuggle", Sienna says and lifts her arms up so that Killian can lift her on his lap.

"Killian is going to be fine on the couch, baby", Emma tells her and slides her plate closer, holding out the spoon until she takes it. "But you can wake him up in the morning."

"Thanks so much, Swan", Killian chuckles and Emma sticks her tongue out, surprising herself because there's no fear, no apprehension whatsoever because Killian is practically moving in.

"Finish your soup, Sienna", Emma tells her daughter, but Sienna has better things to do than eat.

"You're staying with us!" She claps her hands and leans back against Killian's arm to look up at him. "I'm happy happy! Nenny, mommy and Killy together every day!"

Killian beams at Emma and takes Sienna's spoon because it's evident she's incapable of finishing her meal on her own tonight, and he feeds her in between bursts of excitement, neglecting his own dinner until hers is finished.

"I'll put her to bed and you're on cleaning duty", Emma says and scoops Sienna up, grinning at his mock outrage.

"Since when?"

"Since you're sleeping on the couch", Emma tells him and winks.

Sienna winks by closing both eyes at the same time.

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><p>Emma sits on the edge of Sienna's bed telling her a story when Killian comes in, kneeling next to the bed and taking Sienna's hand in his.<p>

"And then the princess and the pirate lived happily ever after", Emma finishes and Sienna sighs, already half-asleep.

"That old story again?" Killian murmurs and Emma shushes him with her finger against his lips, then leans down to kiss Sienna goodnight.

"Sleep tight, baby."

"Good night, lassie", Killian murmurs and kisses Sienna's hand.

"Goodnight, daddy", Sienna echoes, an angelic smile lingering on her lips.

Emma and Killian are silent when they return to the living room and she gets out a sheet, blanket and pillow he puts down on the armchair.

"How come you let her call me daddy?" Killian asks when she turns to leave and her steps falter as she tries to find an answer that would make sense.

The truth is, she doesn't really know why, and she tells him so.

"I'd think you'd be worried, insisting on sitting her down and explaining to her that I'm just Killy, not daddy", he says and Emma shakes her head, coming back to sit on the couch next to him.

"You are her daddy", Emma says softly and smiles when he picks one of Sienna's stuffed toys from the coffee table and sets it on his knee. "Even if you weren't, you've earned to be called daddy a long time ago."

"Are we ever going to tell her the truth?" Killian asks equally softly, as if careful not to startle her with his voice if he can't avoid startling her with his question.

"Depends on how long you intend to stick around and put up with us", Emma says, trying to turn it into a joke, but his eyes are serious and suddenly so very sad.

"It's been almost six months, Swan. Don't you think I'd be gone already if I had any intention to leave?" He asks, and it sounds so reasonable when he says it like that.

"I don't know", she answers truthfully, her voice breaking a little because she knows she's being difficult, but she can't help it.

Neal had betrayed her after she had put all her trust in him, and no matter how good Killian seems, she can't risk either her heart or Sienna's.

A little voice in the back of her mind insists that their hearts have already been lost, and it sounds a lot like Ruby the last time Emma had talked to her.

"It's alright, love. I'm not going anywhere", Killian tells her and captures her hand with his, his touch feather-light, and Emma looks up to meet his eyes, her heart slamming against her ribcage from the intensity of his gaze. "There's no rush."

"It might take a long time", Emma warns him, her hand squeezing his as if trying to prevent him from leaving.

"I've got all the time in the world", Killian says and suddenly his face is inches from hers, his eyes like two blue stars meant to guide her out from the past and into a bright future.

"Okay", Emma whispers and stays where she is, closing her eyes when he leans in and brushes his lips against hers, softly and briefly.

"Good night, Emma", he says and she looks at him, slips her hand from his and stands up, reaching the doorway before she finally finds her voice.

"Good night", she says and turns back to look at him once more, her heart feeling full and so very light when she finds him smiling at her.

It seems that somehow, against all odds, the mystical "one" had found her, instead of the other way around.

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><p><strong>Review?<strong>


	12. Ancient History

**Killian messes up a bit this chapter, but it ends up being just the thing they need to put all their cards on the table. Thank you for reading and/or reviewing, and see you in two days.**

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><p>Emma wakes up early even though it's Sunday and tiptoes to Sienna's room to see if her baby girl is still sleeping, and for a moment she panics because her bed is empty.<p>

Then she remembers that Killian had slept in the living room and smiles to herself because Sienna probably darted to her father's side the second she opened her eyes.

When Emma reaches the living room she discovers Killian sitting on the couch and holding Sienna in his arms the way he must've held her when she was a baby, before he had to give her up, and the look on his face is the most eloquent witness to the pain that it had caused him.

Sienna's head is in the crook of Killian's elbow, her hands tucked under her chin, her knees pressed against his stomach; her father is sifting his fingers through her long hair and watching her sleep, his expression gentle and incredibly sad.

"Hey", Emma whispers and he slowly looks up, revealing deep dark circles under his blue eyes that seem to look right through her. "Are you alright?"

It's quite clear that he is not alright.

"I will be", he says and brushes his thumb against Sienna's cheek. "I just had a rough night."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Emma asks tentatively and sits on the couch next to him, debating whether or not to lay her hand on his shoulder.

"No", he says, clipped and final, and her hand remains in her lap. "I'm sorry, Swan. I just can't."

They sit in silence for some time, Killian watching Sienna and Emma watching Killian, but it's not long before their daughter wakes up and beams at Killian while she stretches like a little cat.

"Good morning, sunshine", he says and tickles her mercilessly, and even though his laughter is genuine, there's still a deeply rooted melancholy lingering in his eyes.

Emma kisses her daughter and takes her when Killian goes to make them breakfast, letting Sienna play with the charms hanging around Emma's neck as she watches her father move around the kitchen and wonders how to get through to him.

She's got a pretty good idea what his sadness is all about because if she were in his shoes, it would be her own.

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><p>Killian insists on taking Sienna to a museum even though Emma tells him that she'd just gotten on her period and her stomach feels like its being torn to shreds.<p>

She expects him to soften, but whatever haunted him last night still has him in its clutches and he doesn't offer her either sympathy or his famous chocolate cake.

"You can lie down, Swan, and I'll take Sienna out of your hair", he says and Emma can't tell him no because their daughter is jumping up and down and saying "please" over and over and over again.

"Fine, but keep your phone on and take a lot of pictures", Emma demands and wraps her arm around her stomach, slowly sinking down on the couch.

"Don't worry, lass", he tells her, his voice softening as he spreads his blanket over her and hands her the remote. "I'll take good care of her and we'll bring you back lunch."

"And ice-cream", Emma grumbles, but he's already steering Sienna toward the door. "Keep your phone on!"

"As you wish", he says and Emma smiles, then pulls the blanket up to her nose, inhales Killian's scent and turns on the TV.

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><p>It's past 2 p.m. when Killian and Sienna finally return and Emma can breathe a sigh of relief.<p>

"Forgive us, lass. Time flew by so quickly", Killian says sheepishly and she glares daggers at him as she hugs Sienna to her.

"Ow, mommy, too tight!"

"Sorry, baby. Did you have a good time?"

"It was the best! Daddy bought me a t-shirt with a dinosaur on, look!" Sienna says and proudly opens her jacket, then turns around in a circle and dances over to Killian. "Give mommy her present!"

"You didn't keep your phone on", Emma tells him as calmly as she can, shaking with anger because she had called him ten times and couldn't get through at all.

"My battery died", he tells her and miserably puts the bag with her present, whatever it is, on the coffee table. "I truly am sorry."

"Did you eat? Are you still hungry?" Emma asks Sienna and glares at Killian when their daughter tells her that she's not because they had McDonald food.

Killian knows very well what is Emma's opinion on feeding toddlers junk food, and it's not favorable for either the food or the parents who let their children have it.

"Oh lighten up, Swan! Nothing's going to happen to her if she eats a couple of fries now and again", Killian says and Emma feels like she's going to start letting out steam through her ears.

"Time for your nap", she tells Sienna sharply and marches her into her room to tuck her into bed, and despite her protests, Sienna goes out like a light.

Emma closes her door and slowly walks to the kitchen, ignoring the pain in her stomach and cornering Killian next to the fridge.

He's putting her ice-cream in but even that isn't enough for her anger to dissipate.

"You scared me half to death!" She hisses and pokes him in the chest with her index finger to emphasize her words. "You left at 9 a.m. and didn't send me a single text and then you waltz back in with your stupid presents as if nothing had happened."

"Shhh", Killian shushes her and goes to close the kitchen door. "I told you I was sorry. I didn't do it on purpose; my phone died and I didn't notice because I had my hand full with our daughter."

He gives her a smile and lifts his eyebrow, probably expecting her to laugh because of his stupid joke, but she's more likely to shoot laser beams from her eyes than acknowledge it.

"That's no excuse and you know it."

"Nothing happened. Sienna is okay and I learned my lesson, so can we get over it?" He tells her in a deceptively calm voice that only makes her blood run hotter.

"It's all so easy for you, isn't it? You infiltrate into our lives, you win Sienna's love and you think you can do whatever you want. Newsflash, buddy, you can't. I'm her mother and-"

"Easy? You think this is easy? You think it was easy giving Sienna up and not seeing her for over three years? You think it was easy finding her and realizing how much she'd grown? Or having her call me daddy when she doesn't know that I really am her father?!"

Emma is stunned into silence, her anger draining away, but instead of backing down, she decides to force it all out of him.

"Was that why you didn't sleep well last night?"

"Not even half of it, but don't you worry your pretty little head with that; it's nothing a woman like you could understand", Killian says and Emma feels like he'd punched her in the gut.

"You have no idea what I've been through", she says softly and takes a step back, but Killian laughs darkly and matches her step for step.

"Oh please. You survived growing up without parents but then some idiot broke your heart and now you're hiding behind closed doors and mourning his loss, vilifying every half-decent guy you come across because you once trusted the wrong one", Killian says and Emma explodes.

She tells him how Neal sent her to jail and how she had his baby chained to a bed. She tells him how she had to give up her son and how she didn't let herself see him because she wanted to give him his best chance, and Killian's face goes ashen white.

"Emma, I'm sor-"

"You're sorry? Why are you sorry? After all, I'm just a whiny girl who didn't fall for your charms five minutes after meeting you, so what do you care how I feel?"

"Swan, please, I barely slept last night, I didn't mean-"

"I don't care!" Emma yells and pushes past him, wrenches open the door and pulls on her boots while he hovers behind her.

"Where are you going?"

"It's none of your business. Keep an eye on Sienna", she says and she's already on the porch, car keys in hand, Killian following after her like a lost puppy.

"You're upset, you shouldn't drive!" He says, and there's a desperate quality to his voice that would tug on her heartstrings if she hurt any less, both physically and metaphorically.

"Get out of my way", she growls when he blocks the driver's side door, but no matter how much she pushes, he remains firmly planted in the same spot.

Emma pockets the keys and storms out of the yard, ignoring him when he calls her name and breaking into a run as hot tears start rolling down her cheeks.

* * *

><p>Emma spends half an hour getting to Ruby's place and another half telling her friend about the fight she had with Killian, and the more she talks the more she feels guilty for storming off like that.<p>

Ruby agrees that Killian had messed up, but she also thinks that hormones had made Emma react as hotly as she did; it's a general consensus that she should go back and talk to him.

Not before she has something to eat, of course.

He deserves to feel as worried as Emma had felt that morning.

And so, Emma sneaks back into her house around 4 p.m.; Killian emerges from the living room, relief evident on his face as soon as he sees that it's her.

"Hey", she says and puts her hands in her back pockets, feeling equal amounts embarrassed and rightfully pissed.

"You alright?" Killian asks and leans his shoulder against the wall as he folds his arms in front of his chest.

"Much better", she tells him and then they just look at each other for a while.

"I really am sorry, Swan, for both the phone and what I've said. And for your baby", he tells her and she nods curtly, ignoring the slice of pain in her heart and taking off her boots before she follows him into the living room.

"Sienna still asleep?"

"She's playing in her room."

"I'm sorry I lost it like that", Emma says as they sit down on opposite ends of the couch from each other.

"I had it coming", he says and Emma can't believe that he really thinks he had deserved it for something as trivial as letting his phone die. "You put your faith in me and I let you down."

"Did you sleep any since I've been gone?" She asks and he chuckles dryly, then shakes his head and rubs at his bloodshot eyes.

"And risk something happening to Sienna while I was getting my beauty sleep? Not blood likely", he says, his words coming slowly and his eyes drooping as he tries to fight exhaustion.

"I'm back, so you might as well lie down a bit", Emma tells him, her eyes stinging because neither of them deserved what happened, and neither of them should be judged for their walls and their sharp edges.

"I'm fine. I'm really sorry", he apologizes again and he looks so sleepy that Emma wouldn't be surprised if he just planted face first into the coffee table.

"It's okay", Emma says softly and reaches out to steady him, and then somehow, she's not quite sure how, he ends up with his head in her lap, his body stretched along the length of the couch.

"I'll just close my eyes for a minute", he says, and before Emma can get up from under his he's already asleep, his face pressed against her hip, his hand holding hers close to his chest.

"Killian", Emma whispers, but he doesn't even bat an eyelash, breathing deeply and evenly; she looks down at his profile and notes how the lines of his face seem to soften when he's asleep, all he's been through set aside for a while, but never forgotten.

There's no doubt that if she stood up now, he wouldn't even notice, and even if he did, it wouldn't wake him up, but for some reason Emma can't make herself jostle him even a little.

Her fingers move on their own and comb through his soft hair, pushing it back from his temple, and she sits there silently, Killian's warmth seeping into her bones and into her soul, the dull ache in her stomach slowly lessening.

It makes her smile, and when Sienna appears in the doorway Emma shushes her with a finger pressed to her lips.

Sienna smiles and tiptoes back to her room.

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><p><strong>Review?<strong>


	13. With You I Am Healing

**More baby steps forward for Emma and Killian and more Sienna being a cutie, that's about it in this chapter... don't worry, though, angst is coming too. Thank you for reading and/or reviewing, and see you in two days.  
><strong>

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><p>Killian wakes up slowly, rolling on his back and looking up at Emma with those breathtakingly blue eyes, his head still resting on her thigh, her fingers still brushing through his hair.<p>

"You got your beauty sleep after all."

"I'm sorry", he apologizes once more, his thumb caressing her knuckles where her hand is resting on his chest.

She looks at him, and she sees a kindred spirit, she sees her equal and a partner who might mess up at times, but who's also going to do everything in his power to make it up to her and learn from his mistakes.

And so she kisses him.

She's gentle, and it's soft, and it's love.

It's a kiss that shakes her whole world, and by the look on his face when she pulls back, it had also shattered his and rebuilt it brighter than before.

"It's okay", she tells him and smoothes her fingers over the hook tattoo on his stump. "What does it mean?"

"It was my nickname in prison", Killian says, and she can feel him watching her closely even though her eyes are still on the tattoo, her thumb gently tracing the harsh scar.

"Why Hook?" She asks and looks at him calmly until he finally relaxes and accepts that she doesn't feel anything but affection for him.

"Because the other inmates found out quickly that I have a mean right hook", he tells her and balls his hand into a fist, his knuckles standing out menacingly for a moment before he opens it again and slips his thumb under her hand so that he can turn it over and expose her wrist. "What about you? What kind of flower is this?"

It's incredible how such a simple touch can unnerve her so easily, her skin flushing and her thoughts jumbling until she can scarcely remember her name, much less what her tattoo represents.

Killian brings her hand closer and presses a kiss against the flower, then smiles and looks up at her in silent anticipation.

"It's silly", Emma finally says and he gives her a mock scowl that quickly shifts into a grin.

"Out with it, Swan."

"It's a buttercup", she says tentatively, then pauses to see if he makes the connection.

"I'm afraid I still don't know what it means", he tells her and kisses her wrist again, prompting her to explain.

"The Princess Bride was my favorite movie growing up", Emma says and Killian's eyebrows come together in a look of adorable confusion.

"You're going to have to explain because I've never seen that one", he tells her and Emma widens her eyes in exaggerated outrage.

"You've never seen The Princess Bride?"

"No?"

"We need to change that", Emma says and pushes at Killian's shoulder until he sits up.

"What, right now?"

"Right now", Emma tells him and kneels next to the TV to rummage through the DVD collection. "Sienna, we're gonna watch Buttercup!"

Sienna runs into the living room and beelines for Emma to wrap her arms around her mother's neck.

"Buttercup!" She sings and holds on tightly.

"Go help daddy make popcorn", Emma says and looks at Killian over her shoulder, nodding when he gives her an uncertain smile. "This shelf is a mess."

"Come on, little love", Killian holds out his hand for Sienna and she dances around the coffee table, happily grabbing his pinky finger and following him into the kitchen.

Emma finally digs out the beat up DVD case and puts the DVD in, then settles comfortably on the couch and waits for Killian and Sienna to return, taking the opportunity to text Ruby and tell her that everything is okay.

She's setting her phone down when Sienna walks in carrying a glass of Coke, her tongue sticking out between her teeth in concentration.

"Daddy says he needs a hand", Sienna announces and breathes a sigh of relief when Emma takes the glass from her and puts it down on the coffee table.

Killian comes in carrying a bowl of popcorn held against his side with his left arm and another glass of Coke in his hand.

"Never mind that, lassie. I managed", he says and hands the glass to Emma before he settles on the couch next to her.

"What about Sienna?" Emma asks and lifts Sienna on her lap, but her optimism proves unfounded because her daughter quickly wiggles off and goes to sit next to Killian so that he's between them with the popcorn bowl between his thighs.

"Sienna already had a Coke today."

"In Mcdonald!" Sienna supplies helpfully and takes one popcorn, eating it quickly in hopes of preventing Emma from scalding her.

"I told her she can take a sip from mine, but that's it", Killian says and winks at Sienna who nods enthusiastically and takes another popcorn.

"You don't think I'm too strict with her?" Emma asks after she starts the movie that immediately captures Sienna's undivided attention.

"You just want her to be healthy", Killian says diplomatically and reaches for the glass so that Sienna can take a sip of his drink.

"I do."

"Don't worry, love. I'll make sure she gets to experience delicious junk from time to time", Killian says and puts his finger to Emma's lips when she opens her mouth to argue. "We're watching the movie now."

Emma focuses her attention on the TV, smiling when Killian puts his arm along the length of the couch, keeps it there for a whole of two minutes and then gently slips it between her back and the upholstery.

She folds her legs under herself and presses against his side, tipping her head back to watch his face when the first "as you wish" happens.

As soon as it does, he meets her eyes and looks at her with a cute half-smile before going back to watching the movie.

Emma lays her head on his shoulder and takes a handful of popcorn.

* * *

><p>"Mommy! Wake up mommy!" Sienna yells into Emma's ear and scrambles up on the bed next to her, her little fingers poking Emma's cheek. "Daddy is crying."<p>

"What?" Emma grumbles and sits up, holding Sienna close with one arm and reaching out the other to turn on the bedside lamp.

"I think he's hurt", Sienna whispers, tears pooling in her eyes before she buries her face into Emma's chest.

"I'm going to go make sure he's okay", Emma tells her and rubs her back for a minute, then gently settles her under the covers. "Stay here, baby, and I'll come back soon."

"Okay", Sienna mumbles sleepily and huddles under the blanket, her mother pressing a kiss to her temple before she slips out of the room and carefully pads through the darkened hallway.

The moonlight paints the living room in silver shadows and Emma can only just make out dark form on the couch, most of his blanket hanging down to the floor.

He's whimpering under his breath and Emma's heart squeezes painfully in her chest as she leans over him.

"Hey, hey, wake up", she says and shakes his shoulder, startling him awake and making her lose her balance and land on her butt because he sits up abruptly and ends up standing on the other side of the room before she can even draw a startled gasp.

"Swan?" He asks and fumbles with the light switch, looking horrified when he finds her sitting on the floor. "Love, are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

Emma shakes her head and takes his offered hand, letting him pull her up, but before he can release her she steps forward and wraps her free arm around his waist, embracing him tightly and entwining their fingers together.

"Are you okay?" She asks even though she knows he's not because his heart is beating a staccato rhythm under her cheek, pulsing through her and spelling exactly how upset he is, not just because of the nightmare that had disturbed his sleep, but also because of the way he startled her.

"I'm sorry", he says and stands there motionlessly, cold to the touch and still trembling a little.

"You didn't do anything wrong", Emma tells him softly and slips her hand under his shirt, firmly pressing her palm against the small of his back. "Whatever you dreamed about, it's not real."

Slowly, tentatively, he puts his handless arm around her and buries his face in her hair, holding onto her for dear life.

"It was real", he whispers and Emma feels an icy chill go down her spine, remembering her own prison nightmares and how they didn't quite stop until she adopted Sienna and found something bright to focus on.

They end up huddled together on the couch, both the blanket and her arms wrapped around him, his fingers playing through her hair and his eyes studiously avoiding hers.

"It will help you if you tell me what the nightmare was about", Emma says as gently as she can, trying not to be pushy even though she knows that he won't be able to let go of the pain until he shares it with somebody; she had to do it with a therapist, but he's got somebody who cares about him willing to listen, and it's immeasurably better, although probably not easier.

"I'm not sure I can put it into words", he says and pulls away to rub the root of his nose, his head leaning against the back of the couch and his eyes locked on the ceiling.

"Try", she says simply and traces her finger along his jaw-line. "Just try."

He opens his mouth but nothing comes out, a tear rolling from the corner of his eye and over his temple; Emma brushes it away and stands up, reaches for his forearms and pulls him up.

"Come on", she says and walks backwards, leading him through the hallway and back into her room.

"Swan-"

"Shhh", she shushes him gently and tilts her head toward the bed. "You'll wake Sienna."

Killian looks between her and their daughter, then takes a long, steadying breath and slips under the covers close behind her because Sienna's small form somehow takes up the other half of Emma's queen size bed.

Since he doesn't touch her, Emma reaches for his arm and drapes it across her waist, caressing his rough skin until she feels him relaxing, his warm breath fanning her shoulder.

Emma watches Sienna sleep, her mouth half opened and her bunny clutched to her chest, and she doesn't close her eyes until Killian's breathing evens out.

She hopes hers and Sienna's presence are going to chase his nightmares away.

* * *

><p>It feels like it's only been a couple of minutes when Emma's alarm clock goes off and she groans, blindly reaching out to turn it off. The bed still feels warm even though Killian had already gone to work, and Emma hides her face against the pillow for a while longer.<p>

She ends up dozing off, but Killian's phone call manages to ruse her before there's no hope of making it to Sienna's kindergarten and her school in time.

"Swan? Are you still sleeping?" He chuckles when she finally manages to pick up her cell and says a raspy "hello". "It's past 7 a.m."

"No, no, I'm awake", Emma mumbles and goes to the bathroom to wash her face, almost dropping the cell into the sink. "Everything okay at work?"

"We're busy, but that's nothing new."

"How come you're calling, then?" Emma asks and leans toward the mirror, applying the eyeliner with her free hand and wishing she could have as thick and long eyelashes as Killian.

It makes her smile when she imagines the look on his face if she ever told him that.

"I wanted to thank you, Emma", he says, and she pauses with the eyeliner half-way up to her other eye.

"I didn't do much", she tells him, wishing he could've found the strength to tell her what was haunting him and exercised his demons.

"You opened your life to me, and last night… I slept better than I did in a long time", he says, his voice so low in her ear that it seems like he's standing right beside her.

"I'm glad. I have to go now or we're gonna be late", Emma tells him and walks back into the bedroom, gently shaking Sienna awake. "Talk to daddy while I go make breakfast."

"See you later, love", Killian says before she gives Sienna the phone and leaves the room, her lips stretching into a big smile.

She even hums as she breaks the eggs for the omelet.

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><p><strong>Review?<strong>


	14. Hold On

**A little more angst coming your way, so brace yourselves and see you back here in two days. Thanks for reading, and enjoy!  
><strong>

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><p>Sometimes, Killian brings flowers when he comes home from Neverland, a little bouquet for Sienna and a single red rose for Emma. There's no rhyme or reason for such occurrences, but they warm Emma's heart and make her fall deeper in love with him, all the reasons why she shouldn't let her guard down long since forgotten.<p>

It's been a few weeks since Killian had started sleeping on her couch, but even though he ends up in her bed more often than not, nightmares still disturbing his sleep unless Emma is close, they still haven't reached even the second base. Killian tries, his hand wandering up from her side, but as soon as his fingers so much as whisper against her breast she stops him, her entire body coiled because every time it happens she thinks it's the end, thinks that he's going to give up and tell her that he can't take it anymore.

But he never does. If anything, his kisses grow sweeter, his embrace somehow warmer.

He tells her that she can take as much time as she needs, and promises he won't stop trying unless she tells him to cut if off altogether.

Eventually, Killian finds a few ads in the paper that look promising and asks Emma if she'd like to go with him to make sure the apartments are child-friendly, which she gladly accepts, then finds a hundred and one fault with every single one of them.

Judging by the way Killian smirks after he thanks the owners, he's both amused and pleased with Emma's thinly veiled efforts of keeping him living with her and Sienna although neither acknowledges it.

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><p>Since she works from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m., Emma is mostly the one who picks Sienna up from the kindergarten, but when she arrives there on a sunny Friday afternoon, Miss Blake tells her that Killian had already gotten her daughter and took her home.<p>

Emma glances at her phone but there are no new messages, a stab of premonition sharp in her gut as she gets behind the wheel and drives home; Emma trusts Killian with her daughter's life, but something must've happened that prompted him to leave work early and pick Sienna up so randomly.

"Killian? Are you home?" She calls from the doorway and pauses only long enough to leave her bag on the table in the hallway, her heels clicking on the floor as she walks to the living room.

"I'm here", he says, and she knows by the quality of his voice that something had upset him a great deal.

She finds him sitting on the couch, shoulders slumped and head down, an opened envelope on the coffee table in front of him, a sheet of paper next to it.

"Sienna sleeping?"

"Yes, she is."

"What happened?" Emma asks and sits next to him, her knee nudging his thigh and her palm resting on his back as she reaches for his hand.

He doesn't say anything, just points at the envelope with his stump, then leans against the back of the couch and closes his eyes.

"We are sad to inform you that our company is dissolving and all our storage lockers will have to be emptied", Emma reads and glances at Killian in confusion. "You have until the end of the month to come collect your possessions, and if you do not, we are going to assume you do not want them and they are going to be donated to charity."

The silence stretches, but Killian still doesn't speak.

"You don't want to go get your stuff?"

"When I ended up in jail, I had my lawyer sell my apartment with all the furniture except anything that belonged to Milah and Sienna. I always imagined I'd go sort through it after I left prison, but the day I came out I just couldn't bring myself to do it because I knew it would hurt too much", he says and finally looks at her, his hand cold and limp in hers. "I've been out for nearly a year, but I still haven't gone there."

"You are going to lose it all unless you go", she tells him gently and caresses his knuckles with her thumb, trying to muster up the courage to ask him if it would help if she went with him.

"I know, love, but I don't know if I can face that alone, and Matt has better things to do than drive me to the other end of the state and hold my hand while I face the past."

"I'll drive you", Emma says quickly and bites her lip, trying to hold back a sudden wave of panic that he doesn't want her there.

"You'd do that?" He whispers, surprising her because usually she's the uncertain one, the one doubting every single good thing that happens to her.

"Of course. I'll even hold your hand", she says with a small smile and although his lips don't smile, his eyes do.

"What about Sienna?"

"Ruby will be more than happy to look after her for a day or two", Emma tells him and squeezes his hand reassuringly.

"She's going to be inconsolable that we're going on a trip without her", Killian says and slips his hand from Emma's grasp, his fingers brushing a lock of hair away from her face, the look in his eyes so intensely affectionate she feels her heart turn over in her chest.

"We're gonna bring her a present and she'll forgive us in two seconds flat", Emma chuckles and slowly leans forward until their noses are almost touching. "You have to go, Killian, but you don't have to go alone."

He looks too overwhelmed to speak, so he kisses her instead, thanking her without words, but no less eloquently.

* * *

><p>Sienna is sitting in the corner of her room, hugging her bunny and crying inconsolably. Killian is kneeling in front of her and trying to coax her into his arms, but she refuses to even look at him.<p>

"Leave her be for a moment, she's going to get tired of crying and stop", Emma says as she packs Sienna's pajamas in an overnight bag.

"I am so sorry, sweetheart, but it's just for a day. It's going to be fun sleeping at Ruby's, you'll see", he says, his fingers combing through her hair as her small body shakes with sobs.

"She was like this last spring when I had to go to a conference, but Ruby told me she had gotten over my leaving ten minutes after I drove away", Emma says but she secretly thinks it's incredibly cute that Killian is so concerned.

"Maybe I should just catch a bus and do it alone", he says and looks at Emma over his shoulder as Sienna keeps veiling like a siren.

"I'm coming with you", Emma says and zips the bag, then walks over and scoops Sienna up. "If you keep crying daddy is going to be very sad."

"I don't want you to go", Sienna sobs and presses her wet face against Emma's neck.

"I know, baby. We don't want to go but sometimes you have to do things you don't want to."

"Why?"

"Because that's how life is. If everything was good all the time you wouldn't be able to appreciate it anymore."

"What's appreciate?"

"Enjoy it and be happy", Emma explains and kisses her forehead. "Come on, now. Wipe your tears and give daddy a kiss."

Sienna sniffles but she finally stops crying and holds out her arms for Killian who gladly takes her and rubs her back while murmuring something Emma can't make out against her ear.

The waterworks start again when they drive her to Ruby's, and they don't stop until Killian tucks her into bed and sings her a few lullabies; he ends up sitting next to her until she falls asleep and it's past 10 p.m. when they finally get back home.

"What are you doing?" Killian asks when Emma tugs on his hand and leads him straight to her bedroom.

"We need to get up in 5 hours."

"Yes, I know."

"You don't have nightmares when you sleep in my bed", she tells him and slips into the bathroom to change while he does the same in her room. He sleeps in gray sweatpants that are so faded they look nearly white and a light blue t-shirt, both of which she had neatly folded under his pillow on her bed, just like she does every morning.

When she returns, Killian is already under the covers and she turns off the light, slides in and wraps her arms around his arm, her nose pressing against his shoulder.

"Good night", she whispers and smiles when he kisses her forehead.

"Good night, love."

* * *

><p>Emma and Killian stumble from bed at 3 a.m., quickly get ready and leave the house by 3:25 a.m. They stops for coffee for Emma and tea for Killian, and then they talk all the way to the infamous storage, which takes about 5 hours.<p>

"There?" Emma asks and points to a large, mostly empty parking lot, and Killian consults his map before nodding tightly.

"Must be."

She parks the car and they sit in silence for a while, Killian busying himself with neatly folding the map, the task made difficult with the loss of his hand and the fact that his remaining one is shaking quite badly.

Emma knows better than to offer assistance when he hadn't asked for it and gets out of the car to stretch her legs, glad that they've stopped for a bathroom break an hour ago so that now they can focus on what awaits them inside the tall, square building facing the parking lot.

If Killian ever leaves the car, that is.

Eventually, he does, and she slips her hand in his cold one, typing a message to Ruby with her free one and receiving a picture of sleepy Sienna eating cereals in return.

"Look", she says and holds out her phone for Killian to see, and his mouth quirks at the corner just a little bit.

"Let's get this over with", he says firmly and pushes the door open with his shoulder, lets go of her hand so that he can fish the key for the storage locker and his ID from his pocket.

The clerk is an adolescent girl who stumbles over her words and openly stares at the hem of Killian's leather jacket which annoys Emma to no end even though Killian doesn't appear to even notice.

A few minutes later they are standing in front of a red door with the number 344 written on it in bold letters and Emma gently takes the key from Killian's shaking hand, inserts it into the lock and leaves it there as she cups his cheeks in her hands and tilts his head until he's looking at her.

"You don't have to go in if you don't want to. Just tell me what to get and you can wait in the car", Emma tells him but he shakes his head and steps around her, takes a deep breath and unlocks the door.

The locker if filled with beige cardboard boxes, each one neatly labeled. There's M for Milah and S for Sienna, and underneath each letter is written the content of the box.

Killian pauses for a moment, then walks in, bypassing the boxes with Milah's clothes and shoes, going straight for the box labeled "S toys".

The light had come on when he entered the locker and Emma follows in, leaning against the wall and wondering if maybe she should wait outside, but deciding against it when she sees the look on Killian's face as he takes out one stuffed animal after another and lies them carefully on a table in the middle of the room.

Neither of them speaks, and after he empties that box, he moves onto another, this one labeled "S clothes".

Killian's fingers caress the cute little onesies and tiny t-shirts his daughter couldn't have worn more than a few times, and for a moment Emma thinks he's going to get through this without breaking, but then he comes across a pair of red baby shoes and he just stands there frozen, blinking fast as if he can't quite believe what he's seeing.

"We bought her these a week before the accident", he says, his voice thick with unshed tears, and it takes Emma a few tries to swallow the lump in her throat. "She never got the chance to wear them."

Emma doesn't say she's sorry or any such empty words; she comes close and makes Killian lean against the table, then stands between his legs and gently wraps him in her arms. When the dam inside him breaks and he starts crying, she's there to murmur nonsense against his ear and caress his back in soothing circles, somehow managing not to get swept away in all his sadness and loss.

His arms come around her, but she knows he's still holding that little red shoe in his hand, a shue that symbolizes a future he'd never gotten with Sienna and Milah and that he never will.

It takes him a while to calm down, but Emma is infinitely patient and so relieved she'd come here with him because she can't bear even the thought of Killian dealing with all these memories on his own.

Eventually she leads him out of the storage and they have an early lunch in a diner close by before they return and pack a box with photo albums, most of Sienna's toys and one delicate golden necklace that used to belong to Killian's mother before it was Milah's, leaving behind everything else.

Killian carries the box out of the locker and Emma slips Sienna's baby shoes in her pocket, certain that sooner or later he'll regret leaving them behind, a sad smile curling her lips when she thinks about shoes much like these hidden in the deepest part of her wardrobe, shoes Sienna had never worn either because they were too small by the time Emma had adopted her.

Maybe someday in the distant future, both those pairs of shoes are going to be needed again.

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><p><strong>Review?<strong>


	15. Don't Look Back

**Thank you for reading and leaving me such wonderful feedback, and I hope you enjoy this chapter too... there are both cute and angsty things in it. Enjoy, and come back on Tuesday for a lot more feels.**

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><p>Emma's birthday is on a Tuesday this year, which means she's going to have to bring a cake to work to celebrate with her colleagues.<p>

In all honesty, she doesn't really want to do that because she'd spent so many years being alone on her birthday, and it feels weird having so many people bring her presents and wish her all the best; she'd rather celebrate it with Killian and Sienna.

Still, the people she works with are beyond nice and Ruby tells her she doesn't have to worry about anything; she'll go to Neverland and pick up one of Killian's cakes and bring it with her, and all Emma needs to do is show up for work.

Instead of already being gone by the time Emma's alarm clock goes off Killian wakes her up with a long, lazy kiss, then pulls away and tells her he needs to go.

"Wait! Where's my present?" She pouts and holds onto his hand, refusing to let go when he stands up and tries to leave.

"I have a surprise for you tonight but if I give you your present now you might guess what it is", he says and kneels next to the bed, gives her hand a kiss and gently coaxes her to let him go.

"I'm not really a big fan of surprises", she tells him, but he smiles and tells her to trust him.

"You're going to like this one, love", he says and walks backwards toward the doorway. "And because it's your birthday, I'll get off work sooner and pick up Sienna, so meet us here, alright?"

"Meet you here?" Emma asks, but he's already gone. "What does that mean?!"

She hears him chuckling in the hallway, but he doesn't come back to explain.

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><p>As instructed, Emma goes straight home from work and finds the living room empty. There's a big, shallow box sitting on the coffee table with a note saying "open me" written in Killian's neat, flowing handwriting, and Emma feels incredibly giddy as she tears up the wrapping paper and opens her present.<p>

Inside the box is a beautiful red knee-length dress and another note that says "put me on".

Feeling a tiny bit like Alice in Wonderland, Emma takes off her skirt and blouse and slips on the dress that hugs her curves, rather impressed with Killian because the zipper is on the side of the dress instead of the back so she doesn't need assistance putting it on.

Once dressed, she looks around the living room for more clues and finds her favorite black pumps in the corner, and on the table next to them a red rose; it's only then that she notices an arrow made of petals pointing toward the back of the house and the garden beyond.

"I like this surprise so far", she says out loud and changes her shoes, takes the rose and inhales its sweet scent as she walks toward the back yard.

As soon as she opens the door she stops dead in her tracks because the yard doesn't look anything like she remembers, and she had seen it only yesterday; there's a wooden path going from the door to the deck on which Killian is standing holding Sienna's hand, colorful flower bowls hanging from the trees lining the fence behind them and a table set for three beside them.

"Happy Birthday, love", Killian says and Emma blinks rapidly because he'd given her exactly what she wanted for her birthday.

To be with him and their daughter.

"Happy Birthday, mommy", Sienna chirps and Emma walks toward them like in a dream, admiring Sienna's new dress and Killian's immaculate suit complete with a tie and waistcoat.

"When did you do all this?" Emma asks after she'd picked up Sienna and given Killian a kiss, her hand resting on his stomach as he hugs her close while she looks around the garden in appreciation.

"I didn't go to work today. As soon as you and Sienna were gone I came back with a few guys Matt recommended and bossed them around until I was satisfied with the result."

"The result is magical", Emma says and kisses his cheek, grinning from ear to ear and kissing Sienna too when she giggles. "Don't you think so, baby?"

"Daddy was worried your wouldn't like it", Sienna whispers and then quickly covers her mouth with her hand. "I wasn't supposed to tell."

"It's alright, darling. It appears my fears were unfounded."

"Nobody ever did anything like this for me", Emma says and kisses Killian again, then sets Sienna on a chair and sits down next to her while Killian uncovers the plate in the middle of it.

On it is Emma's favorite chocolate cake, one Killian never makes for Neverland customers.

"When did you have time to make this?" She asks as he expertly cuts her the first piece and puts it on her plate.

"I didn't actually do the garden, Swan. The guys just followed my instructions, which left me plenty of time for the cake", he says and gives Sienna the next piece before finally taking one for himself and sitting down.

"Always humble to a fault", she murmurs and winks at Sienna who looks between them in confusion, then just shrugs and digs into her cake.

"Should I have said that I decorated the garden single-handedly?" He asks her with a raised eyebrow, his lips stretching into a cocky grin as she laughs, her fork halting half-way to her mouth.

"Your hand jokes are ridiculous."

"You laugh at them every time", he says and Emma has to agree because she does.

"Thank you, Killian. I can already tell you that this is the best birthday I've ever had", she says and takes a bite of the cake, closing her eyes when the rich chocolate melts on her tongue.

"It is a privilege to be the one to make you happy, lass", he tells her and her eyes get blurry again.

She knows in that moment that she loves him, and judging by the way he looks at her, he loves her too.

After they finish the cake Killian gets to his feet and holds out his hand for her, bowing slightly and pulling her up as Sienna takes a remote control from under the flower arrangement on the table and points it toward the house.

The sound of a waltz comes from around them and Emma realizes that there are speakers scattered all around the garden, hidden in the shrubbery, and Killian draws her closer, his eyes dancing with mirth when she meets his blue gaze.

"Can I have this dance, Emma Swan?" He asks, and even though he speaks lightly, his lips stretched into a smile, it feels like he's asking her for more than just a dance.

"Yes", Emma answers and lays her free hand on his shoulder, letting him guide her into a twirl and losing herself in the moment, distantly aware that Sienna is standing on her chair and clapping exuberantly.

Before the song is over Killian brings them close to their daughter and lets go of Emma's hand so that he can scoop Sienna up, and then they dance around the deck holding her between them and never taking their eyes from each other.

It is a birthday celebration that would be difficult to top, but if Emma knows something about Killian, it is that he enjoys a challenge.

* * *

><p>"Have you ever considered looking for your son?" Killian asks a few weeks later as they lie on the couch and watch TV, his arm around her shoulders and her hand in his.<p>

"No, I haven't", Emma says and feels a painful stab in her heart because she can already tell she won't enjoy this conversation.

"Why not?"

"Because it was a closed adoption", she answers and ignores his raised eyebrow.

"Do you want me to do it for you?"

"Do what?" Emma asks him, feigning nonchalance even though she'd rather be anything but here right now.

"Find your boy."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Stop it!" She snaps and pulls her hand from his, jumping to her feet and stalking off toward the kitchen before he can stop her.

"Swan-"

"I don't want to talk about it", she tells him sharply and opens the fridge to distract herself from all the memories assaulting her.

It's been over a decade since she had given her baby up, and even though she never saw her son, she can still remember the way he cried when he was born before they took him away.

"I'm sorry, love, I didn't mean to hurt you-"

"I don't want to talk about it!" Emma yells at him and slams the fridge door shut. "My son has a good family and the last thing he needs is his birth mother to show up and ruin everything for him."

"Is that what you think I did for Sienna?" He asks her even though it's clear he knows she doesn't think so.

"Sienna is still practically a baby, and besides, she didn't have a father before you came back. My son has both parents and he's perfectly happy wherever he is."

"How do you know that? How do you know he's happy if you don't know where he is?" Killian asks in that infuriatingly calm voice of his that makes her press her lips into a thin line and ball her hands into fists to stop herself from yelling at him.

"It's what I have to believe. Otherwise I'd just go crazy", she says, turns on her heel and throws him a warning look over her shoulder.

He knows better than to follow her to their bedroom.

* * *

><p>It takes her the better part of an hour to calm down; she spends it pacing the room and telling herself that Killian had only wanted to help. She wants to apologize for the way she had exploded, but she doesn't quite know how, so she decides to share something with him she thinks would help him understand her reluctance in trying to get into contact with her son.<p>

"Killian?" She calls softly from the hallway, knowing he's still awake because they've been sleeping in the same bed for a while now and he wouldn't dare fall asleep on the couch and risk the nightmares. "Can you come here?"

"What is it?" He asks curtly and leans against the doorway, his arms crossed in front of his chest as if to erect a wall between them.

"I wanted to show you this", she tells him and takes a pale green bag from the depth of her wardrobe that used to hold two identical items, and that recently became home to two more. "I've been keeping them for a long time."

Killian remains standing in the doorway and she sits on the edge of the bed, slowly untying the bow on the bag and taking out knitted shoes, the first ones her son was going to wear.

"These...", she starts to say, then has to swallow because she can't get anything more out around the lump in her throat. "These were supposed to be my son's. It might be stupid to keep them, but I just do because it's all I have left of him."

Killian doesn't say anything, but he comes to sit next to her and it's all the encouragement she needs to continue.

"When I learned I was pregnant I allowed myself to dream. I knew right away I would give him up in the end, but for about a month I deluded myself and decided to ignore the reality of my situation. I borrowed books from the library and I learned how to knit from one of the older inmates who enjoyed it… She poisoned her husband because he was abusing her for thirty year of their marriage", Emma says, her finger caressing the soft wool as she struggles to get it all out. "I only ever knitted these two and when they were done I stopped hiding my head in the sand and went to do what needed to be done."

Tears roll down her cheeks and she quickly wipes them away.

"I did the right thing for my son, just like you did it for Sienna, and it's too late for me to try to find him and meet him. It's been over ten years, and I wouldn't better his life… I would just upset it", Emma says and carefully sets the shoes on her knee, then reaches into the bag and pulls out Sienna's red ones.

"I took them from storage after you left. We can keep them with mine, see?" She says and puts them next to the green knitted ones, gently caressing the two tiny reminders of all the moments they've lost and never will get back again.

Killian wraps his arm around her and carefully covers her hand that's resting on the shoes that never belonged to their lost babies, his lips brushing a tender kiss to her temple.

"Do you think…", she starts to say, then trails off and just breathes around the pain in her heart until she can speak again. "Do you think that someday we might use them again?"

"Nothing would make me happier, love", he whispers against her ear and she rests her head on his shoulder, closes her eyes and lets him comfort her with the strength of his arms and the soft murmur of his voice.

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><p><strong>Review?<strong>


	16. You Are My Home

**Have some more cute and a little angst, but keep in mind that there's always a happy ending when it comes to my fics (and probably babies). Thank you for reading, and I'll do my best to update tomorrow because I know you're going to be anxious to see what happens next.  
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><p>On weekends Sienna crawls into bed with Emma and Killian, effectively cutting their dream of sleeping in short. She jumps on Killian causing him to groan, then wiggles in between them until she makes herself enough room, her little hands taking theirs and holding them tightly.<p>

"Good morning", she says loudly in case one of them is still somehow asleep, and then proceeds to giggle as Killian grumbles under his breath and tries to put the pillow over his face using just his handless arm.

"Remember what we said last weekend, baby? Mommy and daddy would like to sleep for a bit longer", Emma tells her and brushes her hair away from her eyes.

"But I woke up and it was boring", Sienna says innocently and releases their hands, then rolls on top of Killian and tickles him under his chin.

"Let daddy sleep, little love, please. Just a little while longer", Killian begs and wraps his arms around her, humming softly under his breath in an attempt to put her under, but Sienna is having none of that.

"I want pancakes", she whines and wraps her arms around Killian's neck. "Make me pancakes for breakfast, daddy."

Killian finally opens his eyes and turns his head to look at Emma while Sienna showers his face with kisses.

"Why can't mommy make you pancakes for once?"

"Because yours are much better", Sienna says and Killian smirks, which causes Emma to smack his shoulder with rightful indignation.

"Don't encourage her!"

"If you're my mommy", Sienna says and points at Emma, "and you're my daddy", she adds and points at Killian, "and you kiss kiss all the time, does that mean you will get married and I can be the flower girl?"

For a few loaded moments Emma and Killian just look at each other, but neither knows what to say, so Killian gets up with Sienna in his arms and carries her to the kitchen as a distraction.

"Do you want to help me, sunshine?" Killian asks which makes Sienna laugh and it sounds like tiny bells ringing.

"Of course I will, daddy", she tells him and Emma remains in the bedroom, staring at the ceiling and pondering her daughter's question.

Despite the fact that they sleep in the same bed, they still haven't actually slept together even though it's getting increasingly difficult for Emma to keep her distance, but for some weird reason it's not hard imagining herself walking down the aisle.

She vows that tonight, that last, scariest wall is coming down and she's going to let Killian love her the way he had wanted to for months now.

* * *

><p>"I think we should tell her the truth", Killian says as he washes Sienna's plate, Emma standing next to him ready with a dishcloth to dry it.<p>

"What?" Emma shakes herself because she'd been drifting again, imagining a white dress for herself and a pretty pink one for Sienna.

"We should tell her that I'm really her father."

"If we tell her that, then we also have to tell her that I'm not really her mother."

"You are her mother", Killian says gently and hands her the plate, but she sets it aside without drying it.

"What if she hates me?" Emma asks and walks to the doorway from which she can see Sienna playing on the couch.

"She won't hate you, love. You are the only mother she knows and even if you tell her you didn't give birth to her, it won't make a difference", Killian says confidently and takes the dishcloth from her to dry his hand and stump.

"But what if she does? Maybe I should've told her ages ago. They told me at the adoption agency that earlier is better but I kept putting it off", Emma says and lets Killian fold her in his arms, and it scares her how much she had come to depend on him and how easy it was for him to comfort her.

"No time like the present, eh, Swan?" He jokes, his hand cupping her cheek and making her look at him. "Trust me on this, love."

"I don't know what I'm gonna do if she hates me", Emma whispers, but after a few more minutes of Killian's gentle coaxing she agrees and follows him into the living room where they sit on the coffee table side by side, his forearm resting on her thigh and her fingers caressing his rough skin as they each take one of Sienna's hands.

"Mommy and me would like to tell you something, Nenny", Killian says and their daughter looks at him with big, hopeful eyes.

"Am I getting a brother?" She asks and Emma can't help a nervous chuckle escaping her.

"You're not", Killian says with an amused smile and Sienna pouts for a moment before her face lights up again.

"A sister?" She asks and Killian shakes his head, which prompts her to look at Emma as if expecting to get a different answer.

"Not yet", Emma tells her and blushes when she sees Killian's intense look out of the corner of her eye.

"Not yet indeed", he murmurs and turns his attention back to Sienna. "We wanted to tell you something that you don't know."

"Like a secret?"

"Yes, little love. Like a secret", Killian says and glances at Emma for approval.

She nods and holds onto him tightly, hoping that they aren't making a big mistake and trying not to look as scared as she feels.

"It's a pretty big secret, so you must be patient while I tell you the whole story, okay?"

"Okay, daddy."

"When you were born, you had both a mommy and a daddy."

"I have a mommy and a daddy now too", Sienna supplies helpfully and Emma can't help but smile even though her stomach feels like lead.

"Not quite, because you have mommy and daddy that make you and mommy and daddy that take care of you."

Sienna looks from him to Emma and shrugs.

"You're mommy and daddy."

"I'm the daddy that made you, but the mommy that made you died, and some bad people took me away from you", Killian says and Emma tries to keep her tears at bay for Sienna's sake. "I wanted you to be happy, so I let Emma take care of you until I could come back."

Sienna ponders his story for a long time, then gives them both a bright smile and scoots forward until she can wrap her arms around Emma.

"Thank you for being my mommy", she says and no matter how much Emma blinks, she can't stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks.

"You're welcome, baby. I will always be your mommy, okay?"

"I love you, mommy", Sienna chirps and holds her tighter, then releases her abruptly and scrambles onto Killian's lap. "Don't be sad, daddy. You found me, and I found mommy, and now we're all together."

Killian is speechless, and he just holds her while Emma tries and fails wiping away her tears because they just keep on coming.

"Why is mommy still crying?" Sienna whispers and looks at Emma over her shoulder.

"Because she's happy", Killian tells her and Emma manages a smile, rubs her daughter's back and feels lighter than she had in a good, long while.

"Because I'm happy", she repeats and rests her head on Killian's shoulder, her fingers playing through her daughter's long hair as her father presses kisses against the top of Sienna's head.

* * *

><p>Killian and Emma put Sienna down for her afternoon nap together even though it's usually Killian's job, and then they sit on the couch in silence, his arm around her and their fingers entwined.<p>

"How come you never take my necklace off?" He asks her after a while and Emma traces her index finger over the dagger hanging from it, realizing that she's not quite sure why herself.

"I don't know. I guess it's habit."

"It's not really your style, Swan", he teases and she shrugs, trying to put into words what she feels is the real reason.

"I think mostly it's gratitude."

"Gratitude?"

"Yes. When they let me take Sienna and the necklace that belonged to her father, I felt indebted to him, or you… you know. You could've let her go to a group home, but you gave her up so somebody could love her, and wearing your necklace felt like I was expressing my gratitude", she says and shakes her head. "I don't know. It's hard to explain."

"You're still wearing it", he says gently and Emma looks down, smiling at the grinning skull of the other pendant.

"It makes me feel closer to you", she says and looks up at his eyes, the tenderness she sees there easily taking her breath away.

"Does it?"

"You're not getting it back if that's what you're asking", she teases and he laughs, then leans her back on the couch and kisses her senseless.

"I have to go to the store, so you can test that theory right now", he says and pulls back, but her arms wrap around him to stop him from getting up.

"Can't the store wait?"

"It's movie night, and we're out of popcorn", he says seriously and she gives him a mock frown.

"That's a really big problem."

"Indeed it is. I'll be back before you know it, love", he tells her and kisses her until she giggles, then kisses her deeply until she gasps and feels like her skin is going to catch fire.

And then he smirks and gets up, dancing away when she reaches for his arm.

"Half an hour at most", he promises and grabs his leather jacket from the back of the couch.

"It better be", Emma grumbles and sticks her tongue at him, then takes the remote and turns on the TV to help pass the time.

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><p>It's been two hours and Killian is still not back, and since he had forgotten his cell phone on the kitchen table, Emma can't even call him to ask him what's wrong.<p>

Sienna had woken up and Emma doesn't know what she should do, go out in search for Killian or stay at home in case he comes back, so she ends up pacing the kitchen and calling Ruby.

"I'm sure it's nothing", her friend says and convinces her that Killian had probably ran into Matt on the way to the store and they went to have a drink somewhere.

Emma doesn't think it's probable because Killian is more responsible than that and he'd at least texted her from Matt's phone if that were the case, but she accepts Ruby's explanation because she can't bear even thinking about the alternative.

And yet all kinds of horrible scenarios keep running through her head.

When the time comes for Sienna to go to bed Emma lies to her and tells her that Killian had gone to work unexpectedly, but that she would see him tomorrow when she woke up, and Sienna accepts her explanation, tells her she loves her and promptly falls asleep.

It's almost 9 p.m. and Killian is still not back.

Emma calls Matt at home and her blood runs cold when he tells her that he hadn't seen Killian since yesterday, and that he doesn't have any idea where he could be.

"Please come back", Emma whispers and sinks on the couch, realizing that she doesn't have any other choice but to call Ruby and tell her to come over and watch Sienna while Emma goes out looking for Killian.

She's reaching for her phone when she hears the key in the lock and her hammering heart skips a beat as she jumps to her feet and runs through the house, opening the door and having Killian stumble into her arms.

They go down in a tangle of limbs and for a moment she's breathless, but she recovers quickly and pushes him away so that she can sit up, only then realizing that there's blood on her white shirt.

Killian's blood.

Her hands shaking and her heart in her throat, Emma rolls him on his back and finds him unconscious, his nose bloody and his cheek already turning a nasty shade of purple.

Killian's hand is resting on his stomach, his knuckles are scraped, and Emma carefully lifts the corner of his shirt to find a big bruise on his ribs, her panic rising with each passing moment.

She whispers his name, but there's no reply, his eyes staying firmly closed.

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><p><strong>Review?<strong>


	17. A Moment Like This

**I know you were all worried about Killian, so here's the new chapter... I hope you like what happens in it. Thank you for reading and all the reviews, and see you soon with the update.  
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><p>Emma shakes Killian as gently as she can and eventually he opens his eyes and looks up at her, wincing slightly and pressing his hand to his ribs.<p>

"I'm sorry", he says and she shushes him gently, her fingers caressing his face as if to make herself believe he's real.

"Can you stand?"

"I'm just a little banged up", he tells her and gets to his feet with minimal assistance, somehow managing to muster up a smile.

Emma keeps her arm around his waist and he sinks heavily into the couch cushions, absentmindedly looking at the blood on her shirt.

"Don't move", she says and runs to the bathroom to get the first aid kit and a wet towel, her heart still hammering in her chest because he's here but he's hurt and it could've been much worse.

When Emma returns she finds Killian cleaning the blood off his face with his own t-shirt, and her heart squeezes when she realizes that this must've been a common occurrence when he was in prison.

"What happened to you?" She asks and pulls on his arm until he stops what he's doing and lets her take care of him, her hand much gentler than his when she brushes the wet towel against his nose.

"Bad luck, bad meeting, wrong place at the wrong time", he says and tries for a brighter smile, then grits his teeth and breathes shallowly for a few moments.

"Try to be serious for longer than a minute, would you?" Emma tells him sternly and takes his hand in hers, carefully pressing the towel against his scraped knuckles.

"Is that concern I hear, Swan?" He teases in a husky voice, and when she looks up she finds him leaning in close, his eyes searching her face and his hand taking gentle hold of hers.

"You know I care about you", she tells him softly, blood rushing in her ears because he's here and she could've lost him before she ever really had him.

"I care about you too, love", he says, and Emma looks at him for another long moment before she closes the distance between their lips and presses hers against his.

It's a soft kiss, among the gentlest ones they've shared, but then his hand comes up and he cups her cheek, kissing her firmer and sliding his tongue along the seam of her lips until she opens up and lets him in, a sigh of pleasure escaping her despite the fact that he'd been hurt and tonight isn't the night for them to go all the way.

"Who attacked you?" She asks when they pull away, her voice breaking a little as she reaches out and gently touches his bruised ribs.

"It was Gold and his two flunkies. I guess he had thought I wouldn't be much of an opponent with just one hand… that's why I don't look as bad as you'd expect."

"This isn't bad?" Emma asks incredulously and he actually chuckles.

"You should see the other guys."

"I thought Gold had left you alone."

"So did I, but apparently he still wants to make my life as miserable as possible. I guess everything was peaceful so far because he had trouble finding me", Killian says and ducks his head in shame, as if it's his fault some maniac can't accept that his wife had left him.

"We should take you to the hospital", Emma says and applies more pressure to his ribs to check if they are broken.

"I'm fine", Killian grunts but she knows he'd fly off the couch at her touch if they were so much as cracked.

"I'm no nurse", she warns him but reaches for the antiseptic cream nonetheless.

"You have wonderful hands", he tells her with a wink and she's beyond relieved because he wouldn't be joking if he were in that much pain.

"You're stupid."

"Maybe, but you keep kissing me even though you once told me it was a one-time thing", he teases and she smiles because she never meant that, not even on the night she'd said it.

"I'm sorry", Emma says and applies the cream to his cut brow, wincing when he does. "For everything he did to you."

"It's okay", Killian murmurs, his voice soft, and when she meets his blue eyes she knows that he wouldn't have it any other way because it was all worth it; all the pain and heartache lead him here, to her arms and her heart.

When he kisses her, the rest of the world just fades away, the threat that Gold poses put aside for the time being because Killian is home and he's safe, and he'd been waiting for her for such a long time.

Emma smiles and slides her fingers into his hair, her right hand resting above her heart and gently pressing until he lies down and pulls her on top of him, her legs settling in between his.

"Swan… are you sure?" He hisses when she pulls back just far enough to take off her t-shirt, then kisses the top of the bruise on his ribs and licks a wet path up to his nipple.

"Yes", Emma says and gently nips at his skin, her hips pressing against his as his hand brushes her hair away and his fingers caress her breast.

But then he pauses, and Emma looks up at him with a confused frown.

"Don't you want me?" She asks with a mischievous grin because if she's sure of one thing, it's that Killian wants nothing more than to make love to her.

"I do, love, but there's something I need to tell you-"

"No more talking", Emma says firmly and shuts him up with a kiss, her tongue exploring the roof of his mouth, her hands resting on his shoulders for balance.

Killian returns the kiss with equal fervor, then suddenly wraps his arms around her waist and sits up so that she ends up straddling his lap, his fingers caressing up her side until they brush against the underside of her breast and he measures its size with his hand. It fits perfectly, and she feels his stump tracing the same path, the abruptly stopping as if for a moment he'd forgotten that his other hand is gone.

There's a pause in which he just sits there with his forehead resting against hers, and Emma doesn't quite know what to do, so she gives him a little time, her fingertips gently caressing up and down his back in a soothing motion, her lips pressing kisses against his face, careful to avoid tender places.

"It's okay, Killian", she whispers when he still doesn't move. "You can touch me."

Slowly, his long eyelashes lift gracefully and he looks at her as if he can't quite believe this is really happening, but Emma just smiles and wraps her fingers around his forearm, sliding his stump against her side.

"Like this", she says and lets him go, and it's only when he repeats the motion that she kisses him again, sucking on his bottom lip and pressing closer to his firmness.

Once over that hurdle, Killian's movements are precise, designed to give maximum pleasure with the perfect amount of teasing, his teeth nipping at the sensitive skin of her neck as he rolls her nipple between his thumb and forefinger, then traces a string of kisses down and takes it in his mouth.

Emma is hyper-aware of every touch, feeling hot and incredibly turned on, cursing herself for waiting this long and reaching for the zipper on his jeans because she doesn't want to wait for a minute longer.

"You minx", he hisses when she slides her hand inside and wraps her fingers around his hard, hot length, the pressure inside her skyrocketing in anticipation. "Bloody Hell, Swan."

"Shhhh, Sienna is sleeping", she reminds him and then it's her turn to curse because his fingers press against her in the most infuriating way, and it's almost unbearable even through her yoga pants.

"You need to get rid of these ridiculous pants", he says after some time, and she immediately gets up for just long enough to shove the offending garment down her legs along with her panties and kick them both away.

When she looks up she finds him sitting on the couch in all his naked glory, his eyebrow up as if asking if she likes what she sees.

She does very much, and she tells him so when she straddles him again, her fingers tracing the flowing letters of the tattoo on the uninjured side of his ribs.

"Is it in Irish?"

"Aye."

"What does it say?"

"All glory is fleeting", he says and wraps his arm around her to pull her closer, his lips covering hers to swallow her moans when his fingers start probing her without any clothes in the way.

Emma arches her back and pushes against his hand, her fingers digging into his shoulders, her eyes squeezed shut until the moment he enters her; she looks at him then and finds him looking at her, his gaze both heated and soft, and they remain quiet and motionless for a while, as if trying to memorize everything about this moment, about the first time they became one.

When he finally urges her to move, she does so without restraint, letting her head fall back, her hair brushing against his arm, giving him easy access to her neck where he marks her as his as he thrusts into her, his hand on her waist guiding her until they find a common rhythm and everything else gets forgotten.

She is his now, and she doesn't have a single doubt that she's going to be his forever.

"You are magnificent", he tells her as she rises above him, then kisses her shoulder and collarbone and the hollow of her throat, his every touch full of such reverence it brings tears to her eyes.

She wants to tell him she loves him, she wants him to know, but she manages to hold it in because she doesn't want it to be cheapened by the heat of passion, doesn't want him to think it's another one-time thing.

He needs to know he's loved, so for now she just shows him with her body and her kisses, and when they take flight they do so together, his lips firmly pressed against hers, his arms tightly wrapped around her as she falls, falls and falls.

She floats back to earth as weightless as a feather and ends up resting against his chest, her head on his shoulder and her hand cupping the firm mound of his bicep, his fingers playing through her hair as they both just breathe, in and out as one.

Neither seems much inclined to move, but Emma comes to her senses first and pulls back, gently touching his ribs and looking up in surprise when he doesn't even start.

"You have a healing touch", he tells her and he looks like he actually believes it.

"We should go back to our room", Emma says and looks at the various items of clothing scattered around them.

"We should", Killian agrees, but still neither of them moves.

She feels so overwhelmed with love and joy and she leans forward to press a gentle kiss against his lips, her fingers caressing along his jaw-line, tingling from the contact with his scruff.

When she pulls back she finds him looking sad and worried, his fingers tracing the line of her spine carefully, as if he's trying to imprint her on his skin.

"What's wrong?"

"I love you", he says vehemently, and it sounds like goodbye.

She wants to tell him she loves him too, but she can't get the words out, her hands framing his face, her eyes locking on his as she tries to understand why he looks so distraught.

"Gold gave me a choice", he says when she remains quiet and Emma shakes her head, shushing him with a kiss.

"Don't worry about him now."

"Lass, please, you need to hear this", he says and Emma kisses him again, then pulls back and waits. "I can chose to leave you and Sienna or I can stay with you and wait for history to repeat itself, and he'll make damn sure that it does."

"You are not leaving us", Emma says firmly and covers his mouth with her hand when he tries to speak.

She's oddly calm considering the threat Gold poses, but somehow she knows that everything is going to be okay as long as they stay together.

"We are leaving with you."

"Swan, I can't let-"

"We're going to go somewhere far away where he's never going to find us", she says and he looks positively wrecked.

"But your life is here", he finally says although it doesn't sound like he believes what he's saying.

"No, Killian. Our life is wherever you are", Emma tells him and smiles because she would go to the end of the Earth just to keep him.

For a moment it looks like he's going to argue, but then he thinks better of it and just pulls her close, holding her so tightly she can't really draw a breath.

"I love you", he says, and Emma holds him, realizing that being wrapped in his arms is the only place she ever wants to be.

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><p><strong>Review?<strong>


	18. Runaways

**Thank you so much for all the reviews; you guys are really too good to me. Enjoy the new chapter, and see you Sunday, there's going to be a lot of angst to be had!  
><strong>

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><p>Emma and Killian settle in their bed and spend the night in each other's arms, making love and falling asleep and then making love again in the pale light of dawn.<p>

By the time Sienna wakes up they've already packed and Emma had her coffee, and she leaves it up to Killian to explain to their daughter where they are going.

"What happened to your cheek, daddy?" Sienna asks, looking at the bruise with wide eyes rapidly filling with tears.

"It's nothing, sunshine. I was just a little clumsy", he tells her and picks her up, her small hands resting on his shoulders as she leans in to give him a gentle kiss.

"You should be more careful", she says and Killian chuckles, then pokes her nose and tells her about the road trip they are going on today, asking her to decide which toys she wants to take since there's not enough room in the car for all of them and the bags.

Emma calls Ruby to ask her if she can come clear out the fridge and cupboards, and her friend arrives less than twenty minutes later, pale and slightly disheveled.

"When are you coming back?" She asks Emma softly as Killian looks around the living room in search of Sienna's bunny family.

"I don't know if we're coming back", Emma tells her and realizes that she's not going to miss anything in this town except Ruby.

"But what about your job?"

"I'll find a new job. There's just one Killian to go around", Emma says and wraps her arms around the best friend she'd ever had, tears choking her and soon spilling down her cheeks. "I'll miss you."

"Will you call me to let me know you're okay?"

"Of course", Emma says and keeps holding on until Killian clears his throat from the doorway and tells her that they should go; his voice is soft, but there's enough urgency in it for Emma to finally release Ruby.

"Do you want to say goodbye to Sienna?"

"I wish I didn't have to", Ruby says and wipes away a few tears, then kisses Emma's cheek and walks around Killian, jokingly telling him that he better take good care of both Emma and Sienna.

"You know I will, lass", he says and turns back to Emma, reaching out his hand and brushing her tears away. "You alright?"

"I will be", Emma whispers and wraps her arms around his waist, briefly resting her head on his shoulder.

"You can still change your mind. I will understand if you decide that you don't want to leave the life you have here."

"I'm not gonna change my mind", Emma tells him and stands on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek.

The bags are in the trunk and Emma hands Ruby the spare key, watching Sienna climb into her car seat and hold up her arms so that Killian can strap her in, but she still can't quite believe that they are really leaving.

"Go on", Ruby nudges her hip and gives her another quick hug. "Drive safely and call me once in a while."

"I will", Emma promises and walks away, but she can't help looking back, both at her friend and at the house where so many happy memories were made.

* * *

><p>"So, where to?" Emma asks after they've both visited their respective banks and withdrew all the cash they had in their accounts.<p>

"Pick a road and drive", Killian tells her and Emma does so, studying his profile and the deep frown on his forehead.

"What are you thinking about?"

"I'm wondering if I should've taken Gold's deal", he says and Emma's eyebrows shoot up.

"And broke all three of our hearts in the process?" She asks him incredulously, glancing in the rear view mirror to find Sienna trying to undo the straps that keep her in her chair. "Leave it be, baby."

"My bunny is too far", Sienna whines and Killian squeezes his shoulders between the seats and puts Miss Panda in her hand.

"There you go, little love."

"Thank you, daddy", she chirps and Killian goes back to brooding.

"It's gonna be okay", Emma says, cringing at how hollow her words sound and attempting a smile even though there's a cold hand squeezing her stomach.

"It seems that Gold had made it his whole life's purpose to make my life as miserable as possible, and now I've put you and Sienna in his path too."

"He's just a man, Killian", Emma says but Killian doesn't seem to hear her.

"If he finds us, I won't be able to protect you", he tells her and absentmindedly rubs the tattoo on his stump, for the first time making her wonder if it still hurts.

"You could teach me how to fight", Emma says and his fingers still, his ocean eyes shifting from the road to hers. "For the record, I'm pretty sure we can find a home in some quiet town in the middle of nowhere and live happily ever after, but if it would make you feel better, you can teach me how to fight."

"It would be my pleasure", he says and seems to relax a little.

"Mommy, I need to pee", Sienna says and Emma starts looking for a gas station.

"Soon, baby, we're gonna stop soon", Emma says but Killian is already sliding into the back seat next to their daughter, easily distracting her so that they can get to the bathroom in time.

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><p>They spend the first night in a motel and the second one driving, Killian's uneasiness affecting both Emma and Sienna.<p>

"Daddy? When are we going home?" Their little girl cries when they wake her in the morning for breakfast, and the look on Killian's face could break the hardest heart.

"I'm sorry, lassie. We can't go back home."

"Never?" Sienna asks with big, tearful eyes, her bottom lip trembling as she hugs her bunny to her chest.

"But we can find a new home, baby", Emma tells her and crouches in front of her, glancing up at Killian for support. "The most important thing is that we're all together."

"But why, mommy? Why did we have to go?" She asks and Killian's face closes, his hand balling into a fist at his side before he stalks off.

"I'll find us a room", he calls over his shoulder and disappears into the office on the other end of the motel parking lot.

"Is daddy mad at me?" Sienna whispers and Emma gathers her in her arms, holding her tightly and rocking her as Sienna cries.

"He's not mad at you, baby. He's only mad at himself."

"But why?"

"Because he's worried he can't keep us safe", Emma says and bites her lip, her fingers combing through Sienna's hair as she walks to and fro beside the car with her little girl in her arms.

"I'll tell him that I'm not scared", Sienna says and wipes away her tears, leaning around Emma to check if Killian is coming back.

Emma goes to sit on a bench next to a picnic table and lets Sienna play beside her, and when Killian returns with the key he seems in a much better mood than before.

"Daddy!" Sienna exclaims as if she hadn't seen him for days, not minutes, and runs into his arms, then whispers something against his ear that makes him smile as he carries her back to Emma.

"Go get some sleep, love", he says and hands her the motel room key, grinning when Sienna presses a kiss against his cheek. "I'll look after our little bandit."

"Are you sure? You've been up all night too", Emma says and stands up because she knows she's going to fall asleep where she is if she doesn't get a move on.

"I'm alright. I'll take her out for breakfast and we'll come wake you up in a few hours", he tells her and gives her a brief but sweet kiss. "Forgive me."

"You're teaching me how to fight this afternoon", Emma tells him and sways into him for a moment, wishing they could both go to sleep and knowing it's not going to happen when Sienna had had a full night of sleep.

"Sweet dreams, lass", Killian says and watches her until she gets the door opened and disappears inside; she falls asleep as soon as her head hits the pillow.

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><p>Emma wakes up feeling like a truck rolled over her and squints in the sunlight, cursing herself silently for forgetting to pull the curtains closed, and when she rolls on her back she finds Killian asleep next to her, his mouth half-opened; he's snoring softly and she'd pause to admire him if she wasn't so worried about Sienna.<p>

She sits up and breathes a sigh of relief when she finds Sienna lying on the other bed, quietly coloring in a fresh coloring book Killian must've bought her while they were out.

It's a miracle that she didn't go snooping around, but at least Killian had locked the door before he collapsed on the bed.

"Whatcha doing, baby?" Emma asks and carefully gets up, smiling when Killian rolls on his side and presses his nose against her pillow.

"Shhh, mommy, we have to be quiet", Sienna whispers and offers Emma one of her colorful pencils, and they busy themselves with that until Killian sits up abruptly and looks around the room in search of them, as if scared they've gone away without him.

"Slept well?" Emma asks as he runs his fingers through his tousled hair and sits on the edge of the bed stretching up his arms, his shirt riding up and revealing a strip of pale, smooth skin.

It's been three days since they've slept together last because Sienna's sleep is light and Emma doesn't want to risk waking her, but she can practically feel her pupils dilating when she looks at him now.

Killian notices her hungry eyes and gives her that ridiculous eyebrow, his hand reaching out and resting on her thigh.

"Ready for your lesson, love?" He asks, and even though his fingers are barely applying any pressure Emma suddenly feels much too hot in her own skin.

"First shower, then lunch, and then we play", Emma says with a wink and stands up as she pulls her t-shirt over her head, tossing it at him on her way to the bathroom.

"You don't play fair, Swan", he calls after her and she laughs, happy that his bad mood seems to be gone.

She doesn't doubt that they are going to be okay.

* * *

><p>Killian is like a walking encyclopedia of self-defense techniques and he's patient enough to repeat his lessons as many times it takes, occasionally earning an elbow in the gut for his efforts, but he just laughs it off and tells Emma she's a natural.<p>

Sienna is enjoying herself immensely, cheering Emma on, and after a week of highways and motel rooms they decide it's time they settled down.

The town they pick is of medium size on the east coast, right next to the ocean, and they rent a small cottage in the woods, careful to pay for everything in cash in case Gold is still hot on their trail.

On their first night in a new home, both Emma and Killian tuck their daughter in and sit with her until she falls asleep, then quietly slip out of her room and walk down the hall and out the back door to the porch that looks out over the town and the dark blue water.

Killian sits on the love seat and holds out his arm until Emma settles in next to him, his fingers playing with her hair, his eyes focused on the horizon.

"Still having doubts about bringing us with you?" Emma asks him softly, her fingers caressing the fading bruise on his cheek until he turns his head and looks at her.

"I should've put you first, but it's too late for regret now", he says and gives her a kiss that softens the blow of his words.

"Could you really have left and never saw us again?" Emma asks, her fingers closing over his charms that she can't imagine ever taking off now, just like she can't imagine ever being without Killian again.

"I'm here, Swan. Doesn't that answer your question?"

"But you regret it", she says, her heart breaking a little because she could never find the strength to leave him.

"I regret putting you and our daughter in jeopardy. I regret not doing something to stop Gold, but I never, not for a second regret being here with you", he says, his voice thick with emotion as he tangles his fingers in her hair and rests his forehead against hers. "I love you, lass, and I am never going to stop loving you."

"Okay", Emma whispers and wraps her arms around him as tightly as she can.

"I'll keep you both safe", he says against her ear and Emma feels a chill of premonition running down her spine because Killian had never promised he wouldn't leave them.

She closes her eyes and prays that Gold never finds them again, and later, when Killian lies her down in their bed and makes love to her she wraps herself around him, hoping she'll never have to let him go.

Hoping they can keep living this dream.

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><p><strong>Review?<strong>


	19. A Different Choice

**There are five chapters left after this one plus the epilogue, so there's still a lot of angst and feels to be had. I can't thank you enough for all the wonderful feedback, and I hope you keep enjoying this story.**

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><p>Weeks pass and Emma starts to relax; she finds a job as a counselor in the local middle school while Killian stays at home with Sienna, but even though he tries to hide it, Emma can tell that he's deeply hurt by the fact that nobody wants to give him at least a chance to prove himself in the kitchen.<p>

"You should try opening your own pastry shop", Emma tells him when she returns home and finds him slouched in front of the TV, intently staring at some old western although he probably wouldn't even be able to name the main character if she asked him to.

"Come again?" He asks incredulously as she kneels between his legs and runs her hands up his thighs.

"I said, you should think about opening your own shop", she repeats and looks up at him expectantly.

"I can't open a shop", he says, but there's hesitation in his voice because he knows her idea isn't as crazy as it might seem at first.

"Yes, you can."

"Who would even consider going to a new shop owned by a guy they don't know, and one-handed at that?"

"Leave that to me", Emma says and draws him down for a kiss. "You think about the menu and if you'd like it to be across from the bank; there's an abandoned barber shop there that could be perfect with a new coat of paint."

"We can't spend our savings on such an impossible dream", he says but Emma kisses him again, her hands sneaking under his t-shirt and running up his ribs distracting him from arguing further.

At least for now.

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><p>Killian resists her gentle nudging for about a month, and then he throws himself into planning, leasing the barber shop and single-handedly tearing out the old chairs and basins while Sienna sits in a corner and plays.<p>

Emma joins them on her lunch hour and they walk to a diner across the street, Sienna skipping next to Killian, her small hand wrapped around his pinky finger.

"…and daddy told me I can pick the color for the wall", she chatters and Emma grins, giving Killian an I-told-you-so look before she asks Sienna which color she's going to pick. "I don't know yet, mommy! I have to think about it."

"You heard the lassie. It's an important decision", Killian says and Sienna beams up at him, such adoration shining in her blue eyes that Emma has to blink to keep the tears at bay when she thinks how hard she'd fought Killian in the beginning.

"You do realize she's probably gonna pick pink?" Emma asks in a whisper and Killian just shrugs, leans down and scoops Sienna up, settling her on his hip.

"You can pick whichever color your want, little love", he says and nudges Sienna's nose with his, then wraps his arm around Emma's waist and presses a kiss against her temple.

Emma sighs contentedly and pushes open the door of the diner, ignoring a chill that rushes down her spine and telling herself that they are perfectly safe in this town.

* * *

><p>In the end Sienna picks blue instead of pink and they spend the weekend in the shop, Emma helping Killian mix the right shade and painting around the corners while he tackles the wide expanse of the wall.<p>

Sienna looks absolutely adorable in denim overalls, sitting on a chair in the corner where Killian had put her and asked her to watch what he's doing to make sure he doesn't miss a spot.

If you had told her just last year that painting can be fun, Emma would've told you that you're crazy, but she's beginning to see the appeal because of Killian's enthusiasm as he shows her how to hold the brush and tells her about his ideas for new pastries he wants to try making.

Emma knows his pastry shop is going to be a hit because she'd taken a few of his cakes to the diner and offered them to people who happened to be there for free, and every single one of them told her that they will definitely check out the shop once it's opened.

The kitchen appliances, chairs and tables have already been delivered, so it's just a question of finishing painting and arranging everything to their heart's content, plus finding somebody to help Killian serve the guests, although they still haven't decided what to do with Sienna because neither of them wants to let her out of their sight.

"Have you thought about the name?" Killian asks, suddenly showing up behind her, and Emma jumps, smudging the paint a little around the doorway that leads into the back room that's going to be his kitchen.

"Look what you made me do!" She exclaims and gives him a mock scowl he wipes away with a gentle kiss.

"No", Sienna drawls and waves her index fingers at them. "No kissing! We're painting."

"You heard your daughter", Emma says and steals another kiss before she tries to push him back toward his wall, but she might as well be trying to move a mountain. "And to answer your question, no, I'm still thinking. I still don't understand why do you want me to name your store."

"Isn't it obvious?" He asks and wraps her in his arms, his blue eyes so bright when they meet hers.

"Daddy! I'm hungry", Sienna calls and slides from her chair, skipping across the room and wrapping her arms around Killian's leg.

"It's because I love you", Killian whispers against Emma's ear and peels Sienna away, then takes her hand and starts for the door. "We're gonna get lunch."

"And leave me to do all the work, huh?" Emma asks him jokingly and laughs when he wiggles his eyebrows and tells her that he's going to make it worth her while. "You're impossible."

"And that's precisely why you love me", he tells her and follows Sienna out, leaving Emma smiling goofily to herself.

She still hadn't found the courage to say the words, but he knows what's in her heart.

Time passes while Emma paints and hums with the radio, and it feels like it's only been ten minutes when the door opens again.

"That was-", she starts to say and turns around, her smile faltering when she sees that it's not Killian standing in the doorway.

It's an older, smallish man with graying hair and a sinister look about him, followed by two equally intimidating people who seem to fill up most of the room with their towering presence.

Emma clutches her brush like a weapon and doesn't back up even though she knows exactly who the man is and what he'd already done to Killian.

His name is Gold, and Emma's stomach clenches painfully, her heart slamming painfully against her ribcage.

"No need to be frightened, dearie", he says and comes closer to her, his shadows following with grim looks on their weathered faces.

"I am not afraid", Emma says and defiantly raises her chin, staring down both Gold and his two flunkies, while simultaneously praying that Killian takes his time.

At that moment, she can't think about anything but his and their daughter's safety.

"Good, because I have a proposition for you, Miss Swan", Gold says, and even though his tone is pleasant, Emma can't help the way her free hand trembles, so she balls it into a fist and waits to see what he wants. "You see, I don't have anything against you, even if you've made the unwise decision to follow that miserable fool when he ran from me."

Emma wants to jump at him and choke him with her own two hands, but she forces herself to stay calm.

"I didn't count on his love for you that made him so selfish to take you with him when I gave him a choice, but now I'm going to give you a choice, and I won't fail to calculate love into the equation", Gold says and Emma wonders if he likes listening to the sound of his own voice because he's taking awfully long to get to the point. "The choice is simple; Jones, or the son you had left behind such a long time ago."

The room is silent, and Emma feels like she's drowning on dry land, staring at Gold and trying to make some sense of what he'd just told her.

"Let me explain. I know exactly where your son is, and I know how to persuade his parents to let you see him. You could move into town with your daughter and get to know your son, and all you need to do to make that dream a reality is leave your pathetic anchor behind."

There are a lot of things Emma wants to shout at Gold, but when she finally speaks her voice is even, if a tiny bit hesitant.

"Can I… Can I have some time to think?" She asks, forcing her fingers to let go of the paint brush and putting it down across the bucket.

"Why would I give you time? Why wouldn't I just order my two friends here to go get your daughter and-"

"No! Leave her alone!" Emma says urgently and holds out her hands in a pleading motion.

"Your decision, dearie. What's it gonna be?"

"I choose my son", Emma whispers, her voice breaking but her eyes holding Gold's unwaveringly.

"Very well", he says and motions her forward. "Let's go, then."

"Wait", Emma says, her thoughts going a mile a minute because she can't let this play out the way Gold wants it to.

"My patience is very thin, Miss Swan."

"Let me talk to Killian."

"You want to tell him you're leaving with me? Why would I let you do that?"

"Because if I don't, he's going to come after us. If I do, I know exactly what to tell him that would make him think I never want to see him again", Emma says, counting on the fact that Gold wants to hurt Killian as much as possible.

"You want me to believe that you don't want him anymore?"

"You said it yourself; he's nothing but an anchor. And a one-handed at that", Emma says, and she's infinitely glad Killian isn't here to hear her talk like this.

Gold looks at her with narrow eyes, but whatever he sees seems to satisfy him, and so he turns and his gorillas part for him when he starts for the door.

"You have half an hour. After that, we're coming back, and you won't like what we're going to do."

The door closes with a tinny sound of the bell, and Emma sinks to her knees, weak with relief.

* * *

><p>By the time Killian returns Emma has gotten herself under control, but he takes one look at her and he instantly knows that something is very wrong.<p>

"Swan? What happened?" He asks softly, shifting Sienna higher on his hip, and Emma doesn't trust herself to speak, just walks forward and grabs a fistful of his shirt, walking backward and drawing him with her, Sienna looking between them in confusion.

"He found us", Emma whispers when they get into the kitchen and throws her arms around them both, her face pressing against Killian's neck as she inhales deeply, giving herself only a few moments to gather her strength.

"He was here?" Killian asks, his eyes assessing her when she steps back as if looking for some unseen damage she'd suffered in his absence.

"He showed up just after you left and had two men with him. Right now he thinks I'm telling you off so I can leave with him and go meet my son", Emma says, her voice breaking as she reaches out her hand to caress Sienna's cheek. "We need to go."

"Emma", Killian says, his voice stopping her in her tracks and freezing her blood.

"No, Killian", she says and turns back toward him and Sienna. "If you love me, you won't even suggest what you're thinking."

"Daddy loves you, mommy. I love you too", Sienna offers cheerfully, and rests her head on Killian's shoulder, and he only hesitates for a moment before he gives Emma a hollow smile and hands her their daughter.

"I'm going out first", he says and takes the keys for the Bug from the counter, gently placing them in Emma's hand before he opens the back door.

It's a relief that he doesn't kiss her because she knows he'd never leave without a kiss goodbye, and she thanks her lucky stars for two things; that Gold hadn't bothered to check if there was another way out aside from the front door, and that they still keep their money and a packed bag in the trunk.

And so, they leave another town, another home behind, and this time they don't even dare go by the house to gather their things. It's not long before Sienna catches on to what's happening and starts crying for her bunnies; Emma's heart is breaking, but what hurts more than her daughter's broken heart is the look on Killian's face.

He thinks it's all his fault, and when Emma lies her hand on his arm he shakes it off and slides between the seats, takes Sienna on his lap and rocks her gently, telling her that the bunnies are safe, and that they are going to wait for her patiently until she comes back.

Emma's vision is blurry and she rubs at her eyes impatiently because she can't afford to cry now; she needs to keep them moving.

She needs to get her family to safety.

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	20. On My Own

**This chapter is very angsty, but the next one is probably worse, so brace yourselves and enjoy. Thank you for all the wonderful feedback, and see you in two days for the update. P.S. Don't worry, Gold is going to get what he deserves.  
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><p>A new day is dawning when Emma checks them into another motel, Sienna sleeping in her father's arms, exhausted from all the crying she'd done after they had to make their hasty retreat.<p>

Emma's hands are still shaking and her eyes are burning with unshed tears so badly that she simply can't fit the key into the lock, Killian's fingers closing around hers gently, his eyes like two bottomless oceans, eternal and calm only on the surface.

"Let me", he says and Emma gives him the key, her hand hovering over Sienna's back in case his handless hold on their daughter starts slipping. "I can manage."

He says it in such a dejected way that Emma barely recognizes his voice, but she wordlessly totters in after them and manages to lock the door as Killian settles their daughter into bed, gently taking off her shoes and carefully pulling the covers from under her before he tucks them around her.

Emma doesn't sit because she knows she's going to fall over if she does, exhausted from almost sixteen hours of non-stop driving and all the terror she'd lived through yesterday; she is so tired that every muscle in her body aches, but what hurts the most is her heart.

When Killian makes sure Sienna is comfortable he turns toward Emma, his eyes softening as he assesses her condition, his hand reaching out for hers and slowly drawing her closer until his arms are around her waist and her weary head is resting on his shoulder.

"You should get some rest, love", he says against her ear, his hand rubbing gently between her shoulder blades and making her even sleepier than she already is.

"I'm scared", she whispers, then bites her lip because she doesn't want him to know, she doesn't want to burden him more.

"It's going to be alright", Killian says, his words holding a strong conviction and somehow soothing her fears.

They stand silently for a while, Emma's hands fisted in the soft material of his shirt, and she finds solace in his scent and the warmth of his body pressed tightly against hers.

"He knows where my son is", Emma says and opens her eyes to look at Sienna's sleeping form, her little angelic face and the dark bangs that had gotten too long; she's so very frightened for her lost baby boy that isn't a baby anymore.

"He won't hurt him", Killian tells her and pulls back a little, his hand cupping her cheek, his thumb smoothing over her skin until she lifts her eyes to his. "I won't let it happen."

"We don't even know where he lives", Emma says and buries her face in Killian's neck, her heart hammering and her breathing becoming frantic because she'd only managed to keep somewhat calm by forcing away any and all thoughts about her son, but she can't do it anymore and she might be falling apart.

"I'll find out. I know some people who might be able to help", Killian tells her and gathers her in his arms, laying her on the bed and holding her close, speaking to her in low tones until she feels a little bit better.

"Call them right now", Emma tells him as soon as she can draw a regular breath and he tells her he will as soon as she goes to sleep.

She closes her eyes obediently, his lips pressing against hers gently, his fingers sifting through her hair as she drifts away.

"Sleep tight, my love", he says and she realizes that he's as upset as she is, but she's too tired to stop herself from going under.

* * *

><p>Killian sits on the edge of the bed and watches Emma's face, his hand trapped in hers, a slight frown creasing her forehead even in sleep.<p>

He sits there for a long time, memorizing every line, aching to kiss her once more but not daring to do so because he can't risk waking her up.

If she wakes up he's never going to leave, and leaving her and their daughter is the only move he's got left.

He wishes for more time, wishes he could hear her laugh once again, but he knows she won't laugh until she's sure her son is okay, even if she never decides to go and interrupt his life the way he'd done with Sienna.

The only things he can hope for is that Emma won't regret that she had let him get to know his baby girl, that she won't regret falling in love with him and that when he returns she's going to find a way to forgive him for all he'd done and intends to do.

If he returns.

Slowly and carefully, Killian pulls his hand from Emma's, a task made more difficult because it's the only one he has, but somehow he manages, and he kneels next to the other bed where Sienna is sleeping too, breathing deeply and hugging the covers to her chest in absence of her bunny.

Yet another thing that's entirely Killian's fault.

"I love you, sunshine", he whispers and brushes Sienna's long bangs to the side, smiling when she scrunches her nose and burrows deeper under the covers.

He knows he needs to leave and do something, anything to stop Gold because running away is not a solution anymore, but he can't bring himself to stand up and walk away from his two loves, reluctant to go without saying goodbye even though he knows it's the only way he can leave them behind.

It's his fault that Gold is even aware of Emma and her son, and Killian knows it's up to him to protect them; he should've done something a long time ago, but he was selfish, telling himself that they are the safest if they are all together.

The truth is, nobody is safe with him; his brother wasn't, Milah and Sienna weren't either, and he'll break his own heart before he lets anything happen to Emma or the son she'd never even met.

And so Killian forces himself to stand up and walks to the table in the corner, finds a crumpled piece of paper and a pen that starts giving out on him after a couple of sentences of the note he writes for Emma, a note that's supposed to stop her from following him.

He tells her to keep going without him.

He tells her he'll come find her once he takes care of Gold.

He tells her he loves her and leaves the note next to her hand, his fingers caressing her silky curls before he's finally ready to leave.

There was never a place he wanted to stay at more than by Emma's side.

Killian unlocks the door gently and slips out of the room like a thief in the night even though the sun is shining brightly, temporarily blinding him.

"Quit stalling", he says under his breath, wipes the moisture from his cheeks and walks away, his hand sliding lovingly over the hood of Emma's Bug as he passes by her car.

* * *

><p>Emma wakes up with a start, the nightmare keeping its hold on her even when she opens her eyes, her hand instinctively reaching for Killian's side of the bed, but there's nobody there.<p>

"Killian?" She sits up and looks around the room but there's only Sienna, all tangled up in covers, arms thrown over her head and her mouth half-opened; it tugs on Emma's heartstrings because she gets that from Killian.

Emma slides her fingers through her hair and scrambles off the bed, then walks around it to check the bathroom, but Killian isn't there.

There's a piece of paper on the floor that must've fallen off the bed before she woke up, and Emma picks it up with shaky fingers, her eyes still scanning the room as if Killian could be hiding somewhere, anywhere.

Emma exits the motel room, her stomach dropping when she realizes that the door is unlocked, and she squints in the midday sun, looking around the empty parking lot and finally gathering the courage to shift her gaze to the paper in her hand.

Killian's handwriting is ridiculously flowy, and it looks good even with the cheap pen he'd used, elegantly shaped words forming sentences that poke holes inside Emma's heart.

He tells her to keep going without him and she blinks furiously, trying to be angry at him when all she wants is to have him back in her arms.

He tells her he'll come find her once he takes care of Gold and she presses her hand to her mouth; she knows what he intends to do but she's unable to think about anything except how much danger he's going to be in.

He tells her he loves her and she sinks on a bench next to the half-opened door which brings Sienna into her line of vision and shatters her fragile self-imposed control.

Killian is gone to put a stop to Gold's tyranny to protect her son and to protect their daughter, and Emma doesn't know where to begin searching for him, but the very thought of not doing so and going on without him makes her feel like she's stepping off a cliff, so she just squeezes her eyes and breathes through her nose until she feels in control of the panic coursing through her system instead of the other way around.

Emma gets up and fishes the keys of the Bug from her pocket, then rummages in the glove compartment until she finds her phone; she dials Killian's number with shaky fingers, still clutching his note in her free hand.

The phone rings but Killian doesn't answer, and she sits in the car that used to be everything she had in the world, wondering how she's going to survive this heartbreak.

"This is Jones", Killian's voice startles her, and her eyes fill with tears again when she realizes that this is a new voice mail message he had recorded just before Gold found them the first time. "I can't answer you right now because I probably have my hand full with one of the Swan girls… probably both."

Emma closes her eyes and wishes this was a nightmare she could wake up from.

No matter how many times she dials his number he never answers, and her texts go from pleading to angry before they stop arriving altogether and she knows his phone had died, the charger still at the bottom of the bag that's sitting in the back seat.

Eventually, Emma throws her phone back into the glove compartment and goes back to the motel room, finding Sienna sitting up in bed with a frightened expression on her precious face.

"Mommy?" She says in a small voice and Emma quickly wipes away the tears that have been streaming down her cheeks since she read Killian's note what feels like hours ago, but probably wasn't more than ten minutes.

"I'm here, baby", Emma tells her softly, her voice thick and her heart heavy as she sits on the bed next to her daughter.

"Where's daddy?" Sienna asks and hopefully looks around the room for Killian.

She gets that from Emma.

"Daddy had to go away for a while", Emma says and caresses Sienna's cheek, trying to make her lips lift into a smile because Sienna needs her to be strong and not show how devastated she is that he'd left.

"How long is a while?" Sienna asks innocently, her legs kicking wildly as she attempts to free herself from the crumpled covers.

"I don't know, honey", Emma says and she can pinpoint the exact moment Sienna realizes Killian might not be coming back.

"Can we go find him?" Sienna asks, her chin trembling and her eyes rapidly filling with tears even as she scrambles off the bed. "Please, mommy?"

"I don't know where he went", Emma says, somehow managing to swallow the lump in her throat; her eyes are dry when she wraps her arms around Sienna to stop her from running toward the door.

"Mommy, no, we have to go", Sienna cries but Emma holds her tightly and tells her over and over again that everything is going to be okay. "But I want daddy back!"

"I know, baby. I want him back too", Emma tells her and rocks her daughter as she cries, Killian's necklace burning like ice against her skin.

Even now, when it seems impossible that she's ever going to see Killian again, she doesn't regret letting him into her life.

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><p><strong>Review?<strong>


	21. The Right Thing to Do

**I know you're probably anxious about this update, but you have to trust me; there's always a happy ending for my long stories. Thank you for all the feedback and enjoy!**

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><p>Emma sits in a booth with Sienna on her lap, staring out the window and occasionally taking a French fry from her daughter's plate. Being on the run and eating healthy doesn't really mix well, and even though Emma feels guilty for the lunch Sienna is currently having, she's too drained to try to come up with an alternative.<p>

Sienna is quiet, even the fries unable to lighten up her mood, and although she had stopped crying, she still sniffles occasionally and often unlocks the screen of Emma's phone to look at the picture on it; Emma should have changed it already because she can't bear to see Killian sitting on their porch with his arm around Sienna, smiling at the camera while their daughter laughs with her hands pressed to her mouth.

"Can't you call daddy?" Sienna asks for about the tenth time and Emma does her best to explain to her again that Killian's phone has been turn off.

"How do you know?"

"Because he didn't take the charger and the battery ran out."

"How do you know?"

"I just know, Sienna!" Emma snaps, then feels guilty for being so harsh with her daughter. "We need to be patient, baby."

"I want daddy", Sienna whispers and turns around to bury her face into Emma's chest.

"We're going home", Emma says, her voice firm and unwavering.

It's time to stop running.

"Home?" Sienna asks, pulling back to look up at her. "Where bunnies are?"

"Yes, baby. Where bunnies are", Emma says and kisses the top of Sienna's head, then lets her daughter slide off her lap and leaves money on the table, tucking the phone in her pocket without looking at the screen.

She might be making a mistake, but her gut is telling her to go home, and she can almost hear Killian's voice in her head telling her to listen to it.

And so she does.

* * *

><p>Killian only just manages to get into contact with Steve, one of his prison buddies who has the appropriate connections that will allow him to find Emma's son, before his phone decides to die, and it's actually a relief because Emma had kept calling and texting, her every plea for Killian to return digging painfully in his heart.<p>

The only way he can go now is forward, so he buys a prepaid phone and gets into the first car that stops when he lifts his thumb.

"Where you heading?" The guy behind the wheel asks as he eases into traffic and Killian shrugs, telling him he'll let him know if he wants to get out. "Suit yourself… You're not from around these parts."

"No, I am not", Killian says, his fingers tapping an impatient rhythm on his knee.

He knows that it might take Steve days to find out the address Killian needs, and he feels a cold chill race down his spine at the possibility that Emma's son and the family that had adopted him are living on the other side of the country.

The guy Killian hitches a ride with reaches his destination and Killian wanders around a little town, too wired to even think about sleeping even though it's been over a day since he had last closed his eyes.

Steve isn't calling and night falls abruptly, so Killian settles on a park bench, tightly wrapping his leather jacket around himself and imagining the warmth of Emma's body when it presses against his.

He lies on his back and stares up at the starry sky, wondering where she is, wondering if she's tucking their daughter into another foreign bed right at this moment.

Killian checks the phone again and then closes his eyes, finally giving in to exhaustion.

* * *

><p>Emma doesn't dare drive all through the night so she checks into a motel and spends most of the night tossing and turning, occasionally getting up to cover Sienna when she kicks off the blanket.<p>

It's the afternoon of the day after Killian had left when she shuts off the engine and looks out the windshield toward the cabin they've left so abruptly a few days ago, and she needs to blink a few times to keep her vision clear.

"Let's go, mommy", Sienna says impatiently but Emma tells her to wait in the car while she checks the cabin, tiptoeing across the porch to make sure Gold isn't waiting for them inside.

She knows it's dangerous, but she's fairly certain Gold is far away by now, looking for a chance to hurt her son, and she fervently hopes his new family will keep him safe.

The alternative is too painful to bear because if something happens to her baby boy, she will have only herself to blame.

Emma enters the cabin and finds that nothing has been disturbed, so she returns to the car to free Sienna from her car seat and follows her through the silent house, a sad smile tugging at her lips when her little girl goes straight to her room and gathers all her bunnies in her arms.

"I missed you", she chatters to her stuffed toys while Emma leans against the doorway and watches her play.

Sienna tilts her head to the side and there's so much of Killian in her expression that Emma feels like somebody had punched her in the gut so she leaves her to it and goes to make dinner.

Killian seems to be in every room, as if Emma could catch him if she turned around quick enough, as if she could wish him back from wherever he is if she ached for it enough.

She aches for his arms around her waist, aches to see his eyes dancing with mirth, and the dimples showing in his cheeks when he smiles, but most of all she aches for his love and support, for things intangible that mean the most.

The void in her stomach seems to grow with every passing minute, and she prays for his safety, hoping he finds her son soon and makes sure he's alright so that he can come back to her and Sienna.

She knows that she's never going to ask for anything else if he returns in one piece and tells her that her baby boy is alright.

* * *

><p>Emma's phone is ringing and she sits up in bed, instantly wide awake even though the clock on the nightstand says it's only 7:34 a.m.<p>

"Hello?" She says, praying that the unknown number somehow belongs to Killian.

"Swan", he replies, and Emma closes her eyes tightly, for a long moment doing nothing but listening to him breathe.

"Did you find him?" She finally asks, her fingers bunching the blanket and relaxing only when he says he did. "Is he okay?"

"As far as I could tell, he is. His name is Henry Mills", Killian tells her softly and she nods mutely, wanting to ask a thousand more questions but unable to get any of them past her lips.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine", Killian tells her, but there's a strain in his voice that makes her apprehensive again.

"What is it?"

"Gold is in town."

"How do you know?"

"Because I've been keeping an eye on your son", Killian tells her and she shivers, wishing he could come back right this second, but not asking him to because somebody needs to make sure Henry stays safe.

Henry.

She hadn't let herself even think about baby names, but now she decides that she likes Henry quite a lot.

"I bought a gun", Killian says, distracting her from her silly thoughts and making her sit up straight in bed, her stomach dropping in shock.

"Killian-"

"That bloody bastard needs to be stopped."

"Not like that. Killian, please think about this. You'd go back to jail", Emma says, her voice getting higher and higher with desperation. "Sienna needs you. I need you."

"What else is left for me to do, Swan? The cops can't do anything."

"Maybe they can."

"They won't listen to an ex-prisoner", Killian says adamantly and she finally understands why he decided to call her.

He wants her to change his mind, to give him strength not to do the easiest thing.

"You don't know that."

"I know cops, Swan. I know that they planted evidence that sent me to prison and forced me to give up my daughter."

"That was one corrupt cop", Emma says and stands up, unable to keep still for even a minute longer. She paces in front of their bed and holds his pendants in her hand, her thoughts racing as she tries to find an argument that will make him stop and think instead act rashly.

"You of all people should understand why I can't go to the police."

"The police are not to blame for what happened to either me or you. Neal sold me out. Gold paid somebody to plant the evidence. It's their fault", Emma says and Killian is silent for a long while, then sighs and tells her that he needs to go. "Killian, please. Don't do it."

"I can't let him hurt your son."

"You can stop him without shooting him and ending up behind bars for the rest of your life", Emma says, her voice breaking because she can't lose him, she can't spend forever sleeping in their bed alone.

"It's him or Henry, love", Killian says softly and she feels so tired and hopeless she just wants to close her eyes and sleep.

"That's not the choice, Killian. Your choice is to either kill him or ignore all the hurt that's been done to you and go to the cops. You either ask for help or you lose everything. You lose me, you lose your daughter, and you lose your freedom."

"What if you're wrong? What if I call the police and they haul me in, leaving Henry unprotected while I try to make them believe my story? What if Gold gets to your son while I'm sitting in some interview room?!"

"Then talk to Henry's parents first."

"What?"

"Tell them what you know. If somebody came to tell me that Sienna was in danger I would listen, and we can only hope they will do so for Henry too."

"I have to go", Killian says abruptly, and he sounds so determined that her heart trips in her chest.

"What are you going to do?"

"Don't worry about me, Swan", he tells her and she can picture him so well, lurking in the bushes and watching Henry's house, his phone pressed to his scruffy cheek, his blue eyes sharp as he looks around for any sign of trouble.

"Be careful", she says, still unable to tell him she loves him and yet wishing he'd woken her up and kissed her goodbye before he left.

If he had done that, she wouldn't have let him leave on his own.

"I love you, Emma. Kiss Sienna for me and tell her daddy loves her, alright?" He murmurs and Emma feels tears rolling down her cheeks because this feels like goodbye and she's not ready yet.

She would never be ready for that.

"I will. Just come back", Emma says and there's a heavy pause that feels like a thousand years before he tells her he loves her again and hangs up.

He never was one for false promises, but as she listens to the sound of a dead line, Emma wishes he'd lied to her just this once.

She wishes she could've gotten those three simple words she feels past her lips, but the last time she had said them, Neal had left and he never came back, and while she got over that, she knows she would never got over being without Killian.

She just loves him too damn much.

* * *

><p>Killian watches Gold drive by the Mills' home for the third time, his thugs wedged into the back seat, and it's clear he'll do more than just drive next time he comes around.<p>

Emma's words are still ringing in Killian's head and he knows she's right, knows he needs to take a leap of faith and be the one to trust for a change, but after a lifetime of disappointments and heartbreak, he's not sure he can.

Henry comes out on the porch followed by a dark-haired woman and a man who lies his hand on her shoulder, saying something against her ear that makes her laugh, Killian's heart squeezing at the sight of them and aching for his own family, for his baby girl and his beautiful Swan, and that's when he knows that for better or worse, this is the path he needs to take.

He crosses the road and enters the Mills' yard, doing his best not to look threatening as he approaches the porch.

The Beretta feels heavy against the small of his back.

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	22. Bring Me to Life

**Thank you for all the feedback; you guys are too good to me. There's two more chapters plus the epilogue left after this one, so enjoy the feels, and the happy ending is coming soon.  
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><p>Emma's boss proves to be incredibly understanding, buying all her lies about a sick relative and even giving her an extra day off work, which is just as well because she doesn't have anybody to leave Sienna with.<p>

The people she'd met since they found refuge in this town are friendly, but she doesn't want to let her daughter out of her sight.

There's a heavy weight in Emma's stomach as she waits for the phone to ring, and she even throws up a few times, trying to keep quiet so as not to disturb Sienna.

The day drags on slowly and after lunch she finally gives up waiting and calls Killian back, but nobody answers. They are in dire need of groceries so she helps Sienna dress and drives to the closest store, darting in between the aisles and checking her phone every few minutes, deathly afraid she'd miss Killian's call.

She's been through a lot, but she'd never before been sick to her stomach with anxiety.

"Mommy, look, a bunny!" Sienna exclaims and runs off in the direction of the shelf with cheap, slightly damaged toys.

Emma follows at a brisk pace and knows even before Sienna looks at her with puppy eyes that the bunny is coming home with them.

"You have three bunnies already", she says, a perfunctory attempt at good parenting as Sienna pulls the bunny out of the heap and holds it in the crook in her arm.

"But this one is hurt. Look, he's missing an ear", Sienna says and kisses the place where the stuffing is coming out of his head.

Tears well in Emma's eyes and she turns away, pretending to check the phone although she can't even see the screen.

"Fine", she says and blinks furiously, and Sienna whoops happily before she wraps her arms around Emma's leg.

"I can't wait for daddy to come back to show him", she says and hums to the bunny while Emma leans over the shopping cart and tries to catch her breath.

If only she could be as hopeful as her daughter is.

* * *

><p>Saturday morning finds Emma throwing up again and afterwards she sobs into Killian's pillow until she feels a tiny bit better.<p>

And then her cell phone rings and she answers breathlessly, her voice raspy from crying.

"Is this Emma?" A male voice with an accent that isn't Killian's says from the other end of the line and Emma squeezes her eyes shut, wishing she could just hang up and not hear whatever they are going to tell her.

"Yes, it's me", she manages to choke out around the lump in her throat, her fingers digging into her thigh.

"My name is Robin, and I'm the adoptive father of your son", he explains and Emma's eyes widen as she tries to figure out why he has Killian's phone.

"Is he okay?"

"He's quite alright. Killian managed to warn us about Gold in time", Robin says and Emma nods mutely, dread still filling her gut because she can tell there's more he needs to tell her.

"What happened to Killian?" She asks, bracing herself for the worst and trying to figure out what the best outcome could be considering the fact that Killian hadn't called her himself.

"He got shot, but he's out of the woods, and Gold is going to spend the rest of his life in jail", Robin says and Emma jumps to her feet, walking toward Sienna's room and feeling nothing but relief because it's finally over.

She won't believe it until she holds Killian's hand again and sees him smiling back at her.

"Give me the address of the hospital", Emma demands and waves Sienna toward her shoes, infinitely glad that she'd repacked the bag and left it in the Bug in case something happened and they had to leave quickly.

"He kept saying your name", Robin tells her and stops Emma in her tracks, biting her lip and focusing on Sienna until she doesn't feel like falling apart anymore. "I had to promise him I'd call you to tell you what happened; that man surely has a strong grip."

Emma laughs a little hysterically, but it helps release some of the tension from her body, and she thanks Robin about ten times before he tells her to go book a plane ticket and gives her his cell phone number she jots down on the back of one of Sienna's pictures.

"Text me the details of your flight, and I'll come pick you up at the airport", he says, and Emma is speechless and so very grateful her son gets to have a father like this.

It's a violent relief to finally know that she had made the right choice and gave him a chance to have the best life possible.

"I don't want to bother you with that-"

"It's no bother at all. My wife, Regina, will stay home with Henry and we can go to the hospital right away", he says and Emma agrees because she doesn't want to waste time on arguing.

She's got a plane to catch.

* * *

><p>The visiting hours are over, but after Robin speaks to the nurses in a soft, charming voice that softens even the fierce looking head nurse they let Emma into Killian's room, Sienna holding her hand and looking around with wide, fearful eyes.<p>

Killian looks as pale as the pillowcase, but his eyes are sharp and bright when he smiles, waving back at Sienna when she waves at him, tongue-tied and hesitant.

"Hey, little love", he says softly and briefly looks up at Emma before he returns his eyes to their daughter.

"Hi, daddy", she says in a tiny voice and wraps her arm around Emma's leg.

"Come here", he says and motions her forward with his hand, his left shoulder and bicep wrapped in a pristine bandage, his elbow resting on another pillow at his side.

"I have a new bunny", Sienna says uncertainly when Emma lifts her to sit on the edge of Killian's bed, then sits next to her and keeps one arm around Sienna to keep her from wiggling around too much, her free hand resting on Killian's knee.

They say volumes just with their eyes, recognizing that Sienna needs reassurance more than either of them and focusing most of their attention on her.

"Let me see", Killian says and caresses Sienna's arm as if to convince himself that she's really there.

"He lost an ear but mommy sewed him up and now he's okay", Sienna says and holds up the bunny for Killian to see.

He smiles and brushes his thumb against Emma's neat stitches, his eyes finding hers again.

"Mommy is good at making things okay, isn't she?" Killian murmurs and Emma gives him a watery smile, her grip on his knee tightening a little as she fights the sudden queasiness in her stomach. "You alright, lass?"

"You're the one lying in a hospital bed", Emma says and shifts Sienna in her lap when she starts poking Killian's side with her bunny.

"It was just a scratch", Killian says and lifts his eyebrows, silently telling her not to go into anything with Sienna around.

Emma needs to know, but she's well aware of the fact that she can't ask now.

The most important thing is that he's alright, although, from what Robin told her on the way from the airport, it was definitely not just a scratch.

"First time I heard about a scratch that needed surgery", she blurts out and lets Sienna down from her lap when she starts wiggling like she always does, both of them watching her scramble up on the chair next to Killian's bed and giving them a sleepy smile.

"Lucky me it wasn't my good arm", Killian attempts a joke and Emma feels like smacking him upside the head.

"He was aiming for your heart", Emma says, her voice breaking because she could've lost him so easily and now he's trying to make light of it to make her feel better.

"I had a bulletproof vest on, courtesy of my new cop buddies. Even if he hit my chest I would've been fine", Killian says and reaches for her hand, tugging on it until she leans down close enough for a kiss.

She closes her eyes and inhales his scent, her lips brushing against his gently as she pours out everything she can't say with Sienna there.

When he finally lets her pull away they find their daughter curled into a ball, fast asleep even on the uncomfortable hospital chair.

"You should go get some rest", Killian says and Emma shakes her head, her fingertips tracing along his jaw, the scratchy texture of his scruff weirdly comforting.

"I'm not leaving you until they kick me out."

"At least put her next to me", Killian says and Emma gives him an accessing look, then decides he'll be fine with Sienna on his good side.

There were moments when she wondered if she'd ever see him again, so it's no wonder she can't hold back the tears when she carefully lies Sienna next to him and he wraps his arm around her before he leans sideways to kiss the top of her head.

Emma wipes her cheeks and sits in the chair, facing him and resting her elbow on his bed because she can't bear any kind of distance between them today, not after everything that has happened.

"So you went to the cops in the end?" She asks to distract herself from gloomy thoughts of what could've been but thankfully didn't happen.

"I didn't have much of a choice. Henry's mother… er, adoptive mother-"

"It's okay", Emma says and smiles because the woman who had raised him is his mother, just like she is Sienna's.

"Regina Mills is the mayor here, and she insisted I talked to the Sheriff, so I did. It was all done quietly, and Gold had no idea he was walking into an ambush when he showed up with his goons", Killian says and repositions his arm a little, wincing slightly and biting his lip. "Damn that hurts."

"Do you want me to call somebody?"

"I've had worse", he says and quickly gives her a reassuring smile.

"You shouldn't have risked so much", Emma tells him, a chill going down her spine when she realizes Gold could've aimed for his head.

"I needed to stop him, Swan. I'm the reason he was after you and Sienna and Henry, and I could never forgive myself if something happened to any of you", Killian says and Emma nods, tracing the pattern on Sienna's pants for a while as she struggles to control her emotions.

"Did you meet Henry?" She finally asks, and Killian's face lights up, a dimple winking from his cheek when he grins.

"I did. He's a real firecracker, sharp and direct."

"Does he look like me?"

"He's got brown eyes and hair, but he's got your smile", Killian tells her, his hand covering hers, his thumb tracing comforting circles on her palm.

"Robin told me he wants to meet me", Emma says, and she can't help thinking that it's one good thing that came from Gold's inability to let Killian live in peace, but she instantly feels guilty so she pushes the thought away.

"He's a bright lad. He'll understand why you gave him up as soon as you tell him", Killian says softly, his voice gentle and comforting, and it's only then when Emma realizes how tired she really is. "Robin is probably still here. He can take you to a motel and tomorrow you can go see Henry."

"I don't want to leave you", Emma says, fully aware that she sounds like her daughter when she's upset.

"I know, love, but I'm not going anywhere", he says and gives her a cute lopsided smile that warms her heart and dispels the last remnants of the terror she'd felt this past week.

"You better not", she says as sternly as she can and leans down to give him a kiss, lingering close for a long time because she had missed him so much, and it took nearly losing him to reveal all the depth of her emotions for him.

"I promise", he says solemnly and she pulls back, frames his face between her hands and says the words she'd never before been able to say.

"I love you."

"I know", he says, and his smile melts all her fears and doubts because she's finally brave enough to believe he's never going to abandon her.

"I love you", she tests the words again and grins because now it seems like the easiest thing in the world to get them past her lips.

"About bloody time", Killian teases and wrinkles his nose when a lock of her hair falls across it.

"I love you", Emma repeats and he stretches up to kiss her, then settles back on the pillow and winks.

Emma rests her forehead against his and says it again, following every word with a kiss against his cheek.

"I love you", he echoes, looking up at her with eyes so blue they would put the brightest sky to shame. "I will always love you."

"Good", Emma says, and kisses him a few more times before picking up Sienna and carrying her toward the door.

"You forgot her bunny", Killian says softly and Emma turns, smiles and tells him Sienna won't mind.

He nods to himself and lies the bunny on his chest, watching Emma wave before she exits his room, then goes to see if Robin is still around.

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><p><strong>Review?<strong>


	23. Henry

**If there's anybody still alive to read it, Emma finally meets Henry, plus some other emotional things happen in this chapter. Thank you for all your feedback, and see you on Wednesday for the happy ending and on Thursday for the Epilogue.  
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><p>Emma takes Sienna out for breakfast and calls her boss to explain what had happened, or, rather, expand her story about a sick relative and inform him that she can't come to work next week either. She's braced for impact, expecting him to fire her or at least grumble, but he's still full of understanding and tells her to take her time, sounding apologetic when he tells her he won't be able to pay her for the days she missed.<p>

"I understand", she says and smiles at Sienna who's grinning back at her around a mouthful of cereals, which makes her look like an adorable chipmunk. "Thank you so much."

"Don't worry about it", Mr. Grant says and they hang up, Emma's stomach flipping when she sees Robin's car entering the parking lot.

"There's something I need to tell you", Emma says and reaches out to wipe Sienna's chin with her fingers, her little girl setting down her spoon and looking at her expectantly.

Robin is crossing the parking lot and Emma's time is quickly running out, so she just goes ahead and says it.

"Before I adopted you, I had a baby boy."

Sienna's eyes widen and rapidly fill with tears, so Emma reaches out and settles her on her lap.

"Did he die?"

"No, baby, he didn't die. Remember when we talked about daddy and why he had to give you up?"

"So you could take care of me until he came back", Sienna says and Emma smiles, wiping away her tears and telling her that it's the reason she gave up her son.

"And Robin and his wife are the ones who took care of him. They named him Henry", Emma explains and Sienna scrunches up her nose, poking Killian's pendants with her finger.

"How are you going to take care of him if he's already got a mommy?"

"It's different than you and me and your daddy", Emma says hesitantly, not sure how to explain to her four year old that she'll never be able to really take care of her son. "Robin is coming to take us meet him, but we can't take him home with us."

"Why not? I would have a brother, and you would have another baby", Sienna says enthusiastically and Emma gapes at her, the word baby echoing within her as she finally puts together her late period and how sick she had felt every morning this week.

All she did was miss a single pill, but it seems it was all it took.

"Henry isn't a baby", she says dumbly and lays her hand on her stomach, completely thrown by the possibility that there might be a baby growing inside her.

Killian's baby.

Before Sienna can ask her any more questions and before she can properly freak out over the fact that she's probably pregnant Robin approaches their table and asks them if they are ready to go.

"Done with your cereals?" Emma asks and Sienna nods, scooting out of the booth and tugging on Robin's hand.

"Mommy says you're Henry's daddy", she says and Emma pauses, exchanging a look with Robin, and he crouches in front of Sienna and tells her that he is. "Mommy says we can't take him home with us."

"That's true, but you can visit him whenever you like. He can't wait to meet you both."

Emma feels her stomach flip and wishes Killian was here, wishes he could come with them, his solid presence making it easier to meet the boy she hadn't seen in over a decade, but she can't postpone this until Killian gets better.

It's been far too long and she aches to see her son and make sure he's alright way too much.

Robin drives infuriatingly slowly and Emma's nerves are completely frayed by the time they reach his house, but as soon as she gets out of the car the door of the house opens and a dark-haired boy runs out, only just stopping himself from slamming into her.

"Hello", he says and looks up at her with a warm smile. "I'm Henry."

There's a lot of Neal in his brown hair and dark eyes, and there's a brief stab of pain in her heart that she ignores as she takes the boy's extended hand.

"Emma", she says and looks at him with wide eyes, distantly aware that Robin has opened Sienna's door, her daughter coming closer and wrapping her arm around Emma's leg. "And this is Sienna."

"We're brothers", Sienna says and everybody laughs as a raven-haired woman slowly descends the stairs leading down from the porch, her hands resting on her considerable baby bump.

"Come on in, all of you", she says and gives Emma the strangest look; it's like she wants to hate her, but all she can muster is deep gratitude.

"This is Regina, my wife", Robin introduces them while Sienna slips her hand in Henry's and they walk ahead of them toward the house.

"It's nice to meet you, Miss Swan", Regina says and ignores Emma's offered hand, slipping her arm around Robin's waist instead.

Robin shoots Emma an apologetic smile and she follows them up the stairs and into the living room where Sienna and Henry are already sitting on the couch and watching TV.

"Would you like some tea, or coffee?" Regina asks but Emma declines the offer, feeling her cheeks flush when Sienna says that she wants orange juice.

"Don't trouble yourself", Emma says quickly but Regina actually smiles and asks Sienna if she wants apple pie too.

Sienna says yes enthusiastically and Robin suggests she comes with them into the kitchen, thus leaving Emma and Henry alone.

There has been so many nights that Emma had spent alone in her bed, dreaming about this day and imagining what she would tell her son, but right now she can't think find a single thing.

"Mom says you had me in jail and that's why you couldn't keep me", Henry ventures, breaking the silence and watching her without any judgment, which makes it easier to speak around the lump in her throat.

"It's true that I had you in jail. I didn't keep you because I wanted you to have the best life, and I knew I wouldn't have been able to give it to you", Emma explains and sits down on the couch next to him, careful to keep enough space between them so he doesn't feel crowded.

"Did you ever regret it?" Her beautiful, kind boy asks and she's overwhelmed with emotion, not sure if she wants to run away or wrap her arms around him and never let go.

"Every single day", she tells him and entwines her fingers in her lap to stop herself from reaching for him.

"Even today?" He asks hesitantly and it's incredible how easy it is to love him.

"More than ever", she tells him, and for a moment she wishes she could go back and do it different even if it meant not having Sienna and Killian in her life.

"Mom always told me that you loved me very much, but I didn't believe her until now", he says and Emma smiles, finally coming to terms with what she'd done, and when his small hand slips into hers, offering absolution, she accepts it easily.

Everything happens for a reason, and even though it hurt more than words can say to give him up, she wouldn't be here if she hadn't, and being here is worth all the pain.

"I love you, Henry. I wanted to look for you so many times but I was too afraid, so I didn't."

"Mom is really mad at Killian for putting me in danger, but dad says he was really brave", Henry tells her and she smiles, then asks him what he thinks. "I'm glad you met him because otherwise you'd never come here."

"Me too, kid", Emma tells him and squeezes his hand, smiling when he beams at her and realizing Killian was right.

Henry really does have her smile.

* * *

><p>Emma and Sienna end up visiting with Henry until lunch, and it's quite a chore to separate Sienna from Henry even then.<p>

"You can come back tomorrow", Robin tells Sienna when her eyes fill with tears and Emma picks her up, hooking her on her hip and telling her that Killian is all alone and they need to go see him to cheer him up.

"Can't Henry come with us?" She sobs and Emma is at a loss, so she doesn't say anything, just rubs her back and starts walking toward the door, the Mills family coming after her.

"Will you come back?" Henry asks when she's already on the porch and Emma turns back toward him, looking at Regina and choosing her words carefully.

"We're going to stick around until they release Killian from the hospital, but then we're going to have to go back home", she says and Regina seems pleased with her answer. "Until then, we can hang out if you want, and when I leave, we can still talk on the phone."

"I'd like that", Henry says and surprises them all when he comes forward and wraps his arms around Emma's waist, his face buried against Sienna's stomach.

Sienna taps his head lovingly and Emma puts her free arm around him, closing her eyes and wondering how she's ever going to walk away from this.

"We can all go to the park tomorrow morning", Robin suggests and Emma opens her eyes to see Regina turn on her heel and walk back into the house, obviously distraught.

Henry pulls away with burning cheeks and gives an awkward wave before he gets inside too, and Emma follows Robin back to his car.

"Thank you so much for everything."

"It was nothing. You have to forgive my wife; she's not usually like this, but the hormones are making her a little… unpleasant."

"You don't have to apologize. I understand her completely", Emma says and settles Sienna into the back seat, looking toward the house and checking every window in search of Henry, but he's nowhere to be found.

Her heart squeezes painfully, but she ignores it and gets into the passenger seat, forcing herself to focus on Sienna instead of the son that doesn't belong to her anymore.

* * *

><p>"Daddy!" Sienna runs into Killian's hospital room ahead of Emma and attempts to scramble up on the bed next to him. "We brought lunch so we can all eat eat together!"<p>

"Sienna, no! Daddy is hurt, you can't jostle him like that!" Emma exclaims and lies her bags of take out on the table in the corner, but Killian tells her it's okay and helps Sienna settle next to him.

"Just don't touch the IV, okay, little love?" He tells her and holds up his hand to show her the tube.

"Is it ouchy?"

"It doesn't hurt at all", Killian reassures her and Sienna looks at him suspiciously, then leans down and gently kisses his hand.

"What about your other arm?" Emma asks and brushes her lips against his, her fingers caressing his cheek when he just smirks and tells her he's fine.

"Did you go meet Henry?"

"We did!" Sienna answers him while Emma unpacks the food, happy that she doesn't have to talk about it for now.

Her emotions are still all over the place, Henry's face lingering in her mind even as she tries to figure out how to tell Killian about her suspicion that she's pregnant.

"Swan? Are you alright?" He asks, pulling her out of her reverie, and Emma nods, putting soup on the serving table and rolling it to his bed.

"I'm just a little drained", she tells him and sits in the chair next to the bed, putting Sienna on her lap and handing Killian the spoon. "Do you need help?"

"This arm still works", he tells her and stirs his soup, and Emma realizes that in all the commotion yesterday and relief that he's alive she never asked how bad his other arm really is.

"How long will they keep you in hospital?" She asks him, and when he looks up she knows he had recognized the real question she's asking him.

"Not long, but from what I understand, I'll need quite a lot of physical therapy if I want to get back into the kitchen anytime soon", he says and Emma reaches out her hand, resting it gently on his good arm and caressing his bicep with her thumb.

"You'll be alright", she tells him, her voice firm when she meets his eyes.

"I am alright, love. I have you and Sienna", he says and she smiles when Sienna nods enthusiastically and slurps her soup.

"Exactly", Emma tells him and eats her salad, making a mental note to buy the pregnancy test and find out as soon as possible if there's going to be another person Killian is going to have to regain the full use of his arm for.

A wave of panic crashes over her because he might not be thrilled with the news, but all it takes for her to calm down is seeing Killian look at Sienna.

Their baby might be unexpected, but it most definitely won't be unwanted.

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><p><strong>Review?<strong>


	24. Always By Your Side

**And here it is, the last chapter. There's just the epilogue left for tomorrow, so thank you so much for going on this journey with me and letting me know how much you liked it; it's greatly appreciated.**

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><p>A week passes and Emma spends as much time as she can with Henry, taking him and Sienna to the park and letting him show her the sights, all along knowing that it's going to hurt so much when Killian gets released from the hospital and they have to go back home.<p>

She wants to stay, but she knows she doesn't have any right to do so.

Killian is healing up nicely and Emma feels incredibly guilty for wishing he'd stay in the hospital a bit longer, but she can't help herself; she just wants to spend more time with her son.

Her morning sickness becomes a constant, and when she finally takes a pregnancy test and it shows two pink lines she nods to herself and throws it in the trash, but she doesn't tell Killian next time she sees him.

It's weird, but she likes keeping this secret to herself for now, her hand resting on her still flat stomach as she watches Killian; he's sitting in an armchair next to the window with Sienna nestled against his good side, her little fingers following the words her father is reading from her favorite fairy-tale book.

Killian turns his head and winks at her, and Emma knows that she will be okay even after she inevitably says goodbye to her son for the second time.

Eventually, she will be okay.

* * *

><p>The day Killian is released from the hospital is gloomy and rainy, which goes well with Emma's mood. Their flight is scheduled for tomorrow, so Robin arrives to get them with Henry in tow and they get into his SUV, Emma and the kids on the back seat, Killian riding shotgun next to Robin.<p>

Henry is quiet, and Emma does her best to cheer him up even though she knows her imminent departure is affecting him as much as it is affecting her, probably even more.

"Emma?" Henry whispers when they reach the motel parking lot and everybody files out of the car, Sienna reaching up to hold Killian's pinky finger and beaming up at him, oblivious to the adults' dark mood.

"Yeah, kid?"

"Are you ever going to come back here?" He asks, kicking pebbles and huddling in his coat as if to protect himself not just from the cold, but from pain too.

"I would really like to come back", Emma says and Henry looks up with hope shining in his eyes, a smile already lifting up the corner of his lips. "But I'm not sure your parents would approve."

"Dad wouldn't mind", Henry says and they both turn to look at Robin, both him and Killian grinning at something Sienna had said. "But…"

"But your mom would", Emma finishes for him and crouches in front of him, her hands on his shoulders.

"I was never supposed to be here, Henry. I signed the papers for closed adoption and I'm not supposed to have any contact with you. We have to be grateful that your parents allowed us to spend time together, and that they will let us talk on the phone once I leave. Maybe someday they will let you visit me from time to time, and if you decide you wanna do it, you're always going to be welcome", Emma tells him, somehow managing to speak around the lump in her throat.

"I'll be great in school this year, so mom will have to let me go", Henry says firmly and Emma smiles, then almost topples over when he throws his arms around her neck.

"If you ever need me, I'll come. No matter what, I'll come", Emma says, knowing she shouldn't tell him such things, but unable to offer him as much comfort as she can.

"Promise?"

"I promise."

* * *

><p>That evening, after Emma helps Killian take a shower without getting his bandages wet and they tuck Sienna in together, she finally lies down in a bed that's not cold, Killian's solid warmth slowing her racing thoughts as he tucks her against his good side.<p>

"We could always move here, you know", he says so unexpectedly that for a while the full meaning of his words doesn't even register.

"What?"

"You, Sienna and me. We could move here. You'd have to sell your house, but we could do it", Killian says and Emma leans against her elbow and looks down at him, her hand resting against his heart, a shiver running down her spine when she remembers how close she'd come to losing him.

"What about your pastry shop?" She asks, trying to reign in her emotions and not get her hopes up too soon.

"All we did was start painting the walls; we didn't even finish them all. We can easily move all of the appliances here, and besides, it will take me a few months to get back in the game", he tells her and carefully raises his left arm, his eyebrows coming together in deep concentration as he pushes a lock of hair behind her shoulder with his stump.

"You'd do that for me? Move to a sleepy little town that's as far from the ocean as you can get?" She asks him because she knows that aside from his stint in prison, he'd never lived so far away from the fathomless blue.

"You left your home for me, Swan", he tells her, his eyes so full of love when they meet hers. "I will gladly do the same for you."

"Regina won't like it", Emma says, but she's already making plans, wondering if Ruby would be willing to show the house to potential buyers.

"Regina might be the mayor, but she can't forbid you to move to this town", Killian tells her and cups the back of her head to pull her down for a kiss.

All the arguments against their move fly out of her head when his arm wraps around her waist and pulls her closer, his tongue slipping inside her mouth and sending liquid heat shooting through her veins.

It's been so long since they've made love, and so much has happened since then, but when he kisses her and slides his hand under her shirt the rest of the world just goes away.

"Shhh", he shushes her when she moans as his hand closes around her breast and she presses her face against his shoulder, his firm flesh muffling her sounds of pleasure.

They make love quietly and Emma keeps thinking how she needs to tell him about the baby, but she ends up falling asleep before she can find the strength to say the words.

* * *

><p>To Emma's surprise, the entire Mills family shows up to see them off. Regina seems more amiable than she'd been for the past two weeks and Emma can't decide is it because she's leaving or because she finally realized that Emma doesn't pose a threat to her motherhood.<p>

Since they are early, the kids take the opportunity to drag them into the toy store and subtly try to trick them into buying various things they absolutely do not need.

Emma and Regina fall behind, both rolling their eyes because Robin and Killian are such softies when it comes to their children.

"Henry told me you invited him to visit", Regina says, obviously not one to beat around the bush.

"I did", Emma offers, deciding to gauge her reaction to that before dropping the bombshell about her moving to their town.

"Robin and I talked about it and we're inclined to let him come. We'd have to accompany him, of course."

"Of course."

"It would have to wait until this baby is big enough to fly", Regina adds and rubs her belly, and Emma turns her head to the side to hide her smile.

"Killian suggested something last night", she ventures and Regina stops walking, her eyes leaving Henry and her husband to meet Emma's.

"And what was that?"

"He said that we should move here", Emma says and braces herself for impact.

"Hm… How do you feel about that?"

"How do I feel? I think the question here is how much interference you'd be running if we really came to live in your town", Emma says and Regina laughs, causing Henry to turn and look at them from half-way across the store.

"It all depends on how you would conduct yourself, Miss Swan", Regina says and gives her a look that can only be interpreted as a warning.

"I'm not interested in taking Henry away from you, but if you will allow me, I would be happy to be in his life", Emma tells her, and they walk side by side in quiet until they reach the others.

"If you do it, Emma, you better not disappoint him", Regina tells her so softly only Emma can hear and slips her arm around Robin's waist without waiting for Emma's response; Killian's hand reaches for hers and their fingers entwine together, his warmth keeping her grounded and helping her stay calm.

She wants to whoop and jump tall buildings because when she tells Henry goodbye in less than an hour, it's not going to be for the last time.

It will be a beginning to their story, not the end.

* * *

><p>Emma manages to hold back tears until the plane starts its ascent, but Sienna is inconsolable, her face pressed against Killian's side as he murmurs comforting nonsense against the top of her head.<p>

"Lass, hey, it's alright. We're going to come back soon", he says, his eyes meeting Emma's and he holds out his hand for her to take. "This is one of those times I wish I had two hands."

Emma chuckles and leans closer so that he can bring their joined hands up to wipe away her tears.

"Maybe your physical therapy can include finding out how to use a prosthetic", she says and bites her lip, wondering if she'd crossed some kind of a line.

"Maybe", he says after what feels like an eternity, a wistful smile tugging at his lips.

Emma spends the rest of the flight trying to figure out how to tell him about the baby she's carrying and by the time they land she still doesn't have a clue.

* * *

><p>Killian is tucking Sienna in and Emma is pacing their bedroom, nervous and excited in equal measure. She's holding the tiny baby shoes she had made in one hand and Sienna's red shoes she'd salvaged from Killian's storage in the other, waiting for him to join her and trying not to think about the possibility that he won't be as thrilled with the news as she came to be.<p>

"Went out like a light", he says as he opens the door of their room and rubs his shoulder with his hand, sighing heavily as he sits down on the edge of their bed.

Emma approaches him slowly, keeping her hands behind her back and asking him to pick one.

His face lights up and he pretends to think about it long and hard, then taps her left arm.

"This one."

Emma doesn't say anything, just opens her palm and shows him the green knitted shoes.

"What do I do with those?" He asks, his eyebrows coming together in an adorable frown.

"They aren't for you", Emma chuckles and hopes she's not making a mistake telling him like this.

"I don't under-", he starts to say, then cuts himself off, his eyes widening as he looks up at her. "Are you?"

"I am", Emma nods and holds out her other hand, Sienna's red shoes sitting daintily on her palm.

Killian looks too overcome with emotion to speak, but there's no doubt that he's beyond happy with the news as he cups the back of her thigh in his hand and urges her closer, his stump lifting her shirt so that he can lean forward and press his lips against her stomach.

"Hello, little love", he says, his voice thick with unshed tears, and Emma can only smile down at him, shifting Sienna's shoes in her other hand so that she can tangle her fingers in Killian's thick, soft hair and hold him close to her.

"Tell me it's going to be okay this time", she says and he presses another kiss right next to her navel before he looks up at her, his scruffy chin dragging against her skin.

"It's going to be wonderful, love. I'll be here every step of the way and I won't let anything happen to either you or our baby."

"Our baby", Emma echoes and he shoots up from the bed, picks her up and spins her around, his lips pressing countless kisses against the side of her neck.

"Thank you", he says when he sets her down again, his hand coming up to cup her cheek, his eyes so shiny it makes her weepy too.

"I'm pretty sure it was a joined effort", she teases lightly but he shakes his head, his nose brushing against hers as he leans in.

"Thank you for letting me into your life", he tells her and kisses her, so slowly and gently that it feels like flying when she closes her eyes and wraps her arms around his waist, the shoes still in her hand.

"Thank you for not giving up", she whispers and rests her cheek against his shoulder, letting him hold her and thinking that she must be the luckiest woman in the world, even if it took her a long time to find her pot of gold.

It might have been well-hidden, but in the end it proved to be filled to the brim with good fortune.

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><p><strong>Review?<strong>


	25. Epilogue

**The end of another story is here, and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it. Thank you for all your encouragement along the way; it meant the world to me!  
><strong>

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><p>Killian sits in an armchair across the room from Emma, still sleeping in their bed with her hand gripping the edge of her pillow, a thin golden wedding band proudly sitting on her finger.<p>

Sometimes he still can't believe he's not dreaming, stuck in prison and imagining things he can never have, but when it happens he just looks at his baby boy or sifts his fingers through Sienna's dark curls or kisses his wife, his Emma, and then he knows that it's all real.

Aidan fusses a little where he's nestled in the crook of Killian's bad arm, the bullet wound long since healed but the ache still ever-present, and Killian cups his baby's tiny head as he rocks him until he quiets again.

After a few minutes of just admiring Aidan's perfect little face Killian stands up and crosses over to Emma's dresser, making sure to hold his son securely as he searches through the drawer until he finds what he's looking for; the pretty green shoes Emma had made a long time ago for Henry.

His wife sleeps on as Killian sits on his side of the bed and lies Aidan down so that he can slip the shoes on his tiny feet, kissing each chubby leg once he's done and smiling when his son wakes up and looks at him with Emma's brilliantly green eyes.

"Good morning, little love", Killian says and Emma mumbles a good morning back, sighs and goes back to sleep.

Aidan waves his arms a little as if asking to be held and Killian obliges gladly, feeling like he might explode for all the love he feels for his wee lad.

Unlike Sienna when she was this little, Aidan almost never cries, he just gets more and more fussy when he's hungry, so Killian goes to the kitchen to prepare him a bottle, and Emma is still asleep by the time the two of them return.

Aidan eats greedily with his eyes closed and a frown of concentration creasing his brow and it makes Killian smile as he watches him.

Emma sits up so abruptly Killian almost drops the bottle, her hair wild around her face as she scans the room, her shoulders relaxing only when she finds her husband and son.

"You're okay", she whispers and wrestles herself free of the covers.

"Of course we are, sweetheart", Killian murmurs and watches her pad to him across the thick carpet, her night gown hugging her curves beautifully.

They both still have nightmares now and again, and it's their unspoken rule that neither of them leaves the house in the morning without saying goodbye.

Emma sits on the armrest of the armchair and leans down to kiss first Aidan's forehead then Killian's lips, his wedding band swinging from a delicate necklace hanging around her neck; he had worn it for exactly a day on his new prosthetic hand before they both came to the conclusion that it doesn't feel right, and so Emma gave him back his skull and dagger necklace and put on the one with his ring.

"I'm gonna keep it safe so you don't lose it in the kitchen", she had said, and he had kissed her and made love to her once more.

"Did you sleep well, love?" Killian asks but Emma doesn't hear him, too focused on their son and the shoes on his feet.

"They fit", she whispers and Killian nudges her shoulder with his nose in a hopefully comforting gesture.

"They fit perfectly."

Aidan continues eating and Emma rests her cheek against the top of Killian's head as they keep watching their son, both counting their blessings and thanking their lucky stars that they've picked the road that lead them to each other.

* * *

><p>Henry spends every other weekend with Emma. It didn't happen overnight once Emma and Killian moved to town with Sienna, but Henry's adoptive parents never had any objections to him hanging out with his birth mother and her family. Over time they've all grown incredibly close, and the fact that Roland and Aidan were just a few months apart helped matters immensely.<p>

Today is Henry's 11th birthday and they are all gathered in The Jolly Roger, Killian's pastry shop; it's closed for business but opened to all the friends, which in this little town pretty much amounts to the same thing.

Killian is busy in the kitchen and Sienna's helping while Emma sits in a booth with Henry, holding Aidan on her lap and exchanging an amused look with Ruby as her son chatters away about all the presents he'd gotten and how Killian had promised him a cake shaped like a race car. Emma still can't believe that Ruby had relocated here too after flying in to see Aidan; there's something about this town that just refuses to let people leave, but in an entirely good way.

More guests arrive and Regina appears, urging Henry to go greet them, and Emma looks around the crowded room with a brilliant smile, feeling perfectly content to just sit there and have Aidan pull on her curls.

A few minutes later Killian and Sienna roll out the cake that really does look like a racing car, 11 candles arranged around it not to mess up the smooth surface, and everybody gets to their feet to sing happy birthday.

Emma goes to stand by Killian's side, smiling when he picks up Sienna to help her see better when Henry approaches the cake and blows out all the candles in one go.

"Well done, lad", Killian says and Henry grins, then thanks Killian for the cake in such a grown up way that everybody laughs.

Emma hopes that whatever wish he'd made, it's going to come true.

* * *

><p>Killian is still at work when Emma comes across Sienna's red shoes while putting away laundry and she glances at Aidan over her shoulder, wondering if he's old enough for his big sister's shoes to fit him.<p>

"What do you think, baby?" Emma asks as if Aidan can answer and smiles when he puts his fist in his mouth. "Let's try and see."

Sienna's shoes are still a little too big on him but Emma puts socks on his feet and then they are perfect. She laughs as she picks him up and twirls him around, her heart feeling warm and so light in her chest when he giggles and tugs on Killian's ring that's resting against Emma's chest.

"Here, baby, you can bite this", Emma says and hands him a rubber toy just as Sienna's voice pierces the air.

"Mommy! We're home", she yells and Emma meets her in the living room, unceremoniously discarding her pre-school book on the coffee table.

"Did you have fun today?" Emma asks and sits on the couch, her eyes focused on Killian when he comes in as she waits to see if he's going to notice the shoes.

"It was good but I have homework", Sienna pouts and pokes Emma's knee. "Can daddy do it for me?"

"That would be cheating, darling", Killian says and sits down next to Emma, his eyes widening when he realizes that Sienna's baby shoes are now on his son's feet.

His arms reach for Sienna and set her on his lap, their daughter completely unaware of the gravity of this moment; still, she nestles deeper into Killian's embrace and plays with his pendants while Killian looks at Emma over the top of her head and smiles.

"We got to use them after all", he says and takes Emma's hand in his, then leans down and kisses Aidan right on the nose.

The children giggle, and their parents' old scars heal just a little bit more.

* * *

><p>Sometimes Emma finds Killian down by the river, sitting at the edge of the old pier and staring at the distance, so lost in thought that he only notices her when she lays her hand on his shoulder.<p>

It takes her some time to gather up the courage to ask him if he misses the sea, partly because she already knows the answer but mostly because she's scared of asking the follow up question.

"I do", Killian says and tugs on her hand, making her sit on the worn wooden planks next to him. "But I don't regret us moving here, if that's what you're wondering."

"You don't?"

Emma looks at her husband's profile and entwines their fingers, holding on while he gathers his thoughts.

"Even after I met Milah, I still couldn't stay away from the ocean for more than a week. I didn't understand it at the time because I loved her, but now I do", he says and traces the outline of her wedding ring with his thumb. "I don't need the ocean anymore, Swan, because I've found you. You are the home I've been searching for."

Emma is stunned into silence, Killian's eyes making her feel like she's falling again when they meet hers, so much love and devotion shining in their blue depths that she can't find her voice for a long time.

"I love you", she says when she finally manages to swallow the lump in her throat, and Killian leans in to kiss away her tears, his arm wrapping around her waist and holding her close.

"I love you and our children more than I have ever loved the ocean", he whispers and Emma knows it's the truth.

She loves him more than anything else in the world.

* * *

><p><strong>Review?<strong>


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